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Losing Weight Jokes

126 losing weight jokes and hilarious losing weight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about losing weight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Losing Weight Short Jokes

Short losing weight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The losing weight humour may include short lose weight jokes also.

  1. If online bullying has taught us anything. It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
  2. Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you? Drown them.
  3. Easily lose weight by cutting these two things out of your diet: Breakfast and dinner.
    My dad told me this joke please laugh.
  4. The doctor told me to lose some weight. I said, "How?"
    He said "Don't eat anything fatty."
    I said, "You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"
    He said, "No, just don't eat anything, fatty."
  5. How to lose weight - Doctor, I'm fat, how do I lose weight?
    - Just move your head from left to right and from right to left.
    - How many times , doctor ?
    - Every time someone offers you food.
  6. I started a new diet.. Where I only eat things I can pronounce. I thought it would help me lose weight, but I just became a better reader.
  7. Every time I go through a fast food window They hand me my food and say sorry about the weight. I know I could lose a few pounds but this is just rude.
  8. The reason why many Americans don't eat healthy, is because eating healthy would cause you to lose weight. And America never loses
  9. I got my wife an amazing new lipstick that makes you lose weight. It's called "Superglue".
  10. I needed to lose some weight so I went on a 3 month diet plan. I don't want to brag, but... ...I just finished it in 72 hours.

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Losing Weight One Liners

Which losing weight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with losing weight? I can suggest the ones about weight loss and gaining weight.

  1. How did Jared from Subway lose weight? He was ordering off the kids menu.
  2. Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
  3. Losing weight is a piece of cake Just don't pick it up
  4. Losing weight is so easy now. I'm just chasing the kids around all day - Jared Fogle
  5. So I want to start losing weight and burning fat So I set some obese kids ablaze
  6. If you want to lose weight, start the Lance Armstrong diet Just have one nut
  7. I could lose weight if I wanted to But I hate losing
  8. What do you call a Greek god who wants to lose weight? A Diety
  9. How many pounds does DJ Khaled plan to lose with Weight Watchers? Another one
  10. I'd love to lose some weight... but I never lose cause I'm a winner!
  11. How did Jim start losing weight after the holidays? He just quit eating cold turkey.
  12. You can lose weight by putting sliced bread on your head. It's a loaf-hat-diet.
  13. I'm on a no seafood diet to lose weight It's low crab.
  14. Just got the iPhone 7. It helped me lose weight! I now have no money to eat for 2 months
  15. How do fish lose weight? They Swim-fast.

Losing Weight joke, How do fish lose weight?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about losing weight can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of losing weight puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Fun-Filled Losing Weight Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about losing weight you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean dieting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make losing weight prank.

Every time I lose weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.

Skip a Day

During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."

A Little Girl Catches Her Parents Having s**...

One night, a little girl decides to peek inside her parent's bedroom. She is shocked by what she sees, for she catches a glimpse of mommy bouncing up and down on top of daddy.
That very next morning, she asks her mom, "Mommy, why were you hopping up and down on top of daddy?"
The mom replies, "Oh, umm, well, I was just trying to help lose weight by pushing the air out of him."
The girl says, "Well that won't work mommy."
Puzzled, the mother replies, "Well why not, honey?"
"Well, every week while you're at work, the pretty girl from across the street comes to blow him back up!"

How do you know it's time to lose some weight?

When you buy a new hula hoop... and it fits.

An objective analysis of the correlation between genetics and obesity.

A doctor is telling an obese woman that she needs to start losing weight.
The woman, offended, replies defensively, "It's not my fault! Obesity runs in my family!"
The doctor looks her up and down, and finally says, "*Nobody* runs in your family."

Did you hear about the criminal who wanted to lose weight to fit into smaller clothes?

Last I heard, he was still at large.

they say 98% of fat people can be good looking if they lose weight, but 99% of them don't...when I became that 1%, i realized i was that 2%

At my first Weight Watchers meeting....

the group leader asked each of us why we wanted to lose weight. When it was her turn, one woman started to s**.... "I vowed to lose weight when my husband bought me something too small for me to fit in." The leader replied, "Oh, that's too bad. Was it a dress?" "No, a Porsche!"

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

How did Jared lose all that weight eating at Subway?

He just ordered off the children's menu.

I have been trying to lose weight so I've been keeping my junk food in the basement.

This makes it cellary.

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

because he chose from the kids menu

Wife told husband that she has gained a lot of weight lately and wants to lose weight

Husband: There's a very effective weight loss patch. You'll lose 10 pounds in one week. The most important thing is that it's really cheap.
Wife: Oh wow! I need to have one. Where do you apply the patch?
Husband: On your mouth.

How does a crackhead lose weight?

Diet Coke.

How does the Terminator lose weight?

By counting Kylereese.

What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

Did you know l**... can make you lose weight?

Because you can't get to the fridge if there's a dragon guarding it.

s**... is like pizza.

My wife won't let me have it until I lose weight.

I mainly want to lose weight to get into my own pants

But also to get into someone elses

How to lose weight easy

Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.

Thanks to Pokemon Go...

I'm finally going to lose weight.

My problem is I take things too literally.

Like when my wife said she'd give an arm and a leg to lose weight.

Mommy, why were you bouncing on Daddy's belly last night?

Mom: "Because his belly has become fat recently, and I need to help him lose weight."
Boy: "But that won't work."
Mom: "Why not?"
Boy: "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back again."

I've been going to the gym for 3 weeks now with no results..

What Pokemon do I use to lose weight?

Just fyi, if you're girlfriend asks you if she should lose some weight...

"I love you through thick and thin" is not an appropriate response.

I recently visited a website with tips for losing weight

And a pop up asked me if I accepted cookies. Is that a trick question?

A new study has shown l**... causes new users to lose weight.

Obviously, You can eat while there's a dragon gaurding your fridge.

How did h**... lose weight quickly ?

Juice cleanse.

If you eat enough, eventually, you will lose weight!

It's true! The doctors are cutting my foot off tomorrow!

My friend was sad and complaining to me about how she's having trouble losing weight.

"The change isn't immediate", I told her. "Just keep your chins up."

What did the whale say to the diver?

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to the marine biologist?
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to my wife?
"Hey; you should lose weight."

Did you hear about the moose who wanted to lose weight?

He went on a diet and now he's a Muslim

My lesbian friend told me she was having trouble losing weight.

I guess it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've got Mary Kay on your face.

What does a priest do when he wants to lose weight?

Exorcise.

I would lose weight...

....but I hate losing.

The doctor told me to watch what I eat if I wanted to lose weight.

I stare at my extra large pepperoni pizza with a Diet Coke for at least an hour before I scarf it down and I haven't lost a pound.

What's the best way to lose weight?

Get robbed in London, you'll lose a few pounds in seconds.

Where do Jesus, Buddha, and their friends go to lose weight?

The deitician.

I found a way to drastically lose weight while sleeping!

and the money from selling my organs isn't bad either.

water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,

drown them

I'm trying to lose weight so joined the gym and I see the stupidest people there

All of them use the treadmill and put their water bottle in the Pringle holder

Fishing

- My God, how much your husband lost in weight !
- Fishing is the cause.
- I did not know that, fishing makes you lose weight ?
- Well, he's eating what he gets :)))

A friend of mine suggested I stop drinking beer and drink hard liquor to lose weight

figured it was worth a shot, so I bought two

Weight losers

The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.
"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a s**... striptease for you."
Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."

I bet my friend that i could lose more weight than him within the last month

I lost 10 pounds

They say the best way to lose weight is to eat n**... in front of a mirror...

...it works well, because they usually kick me out of the restaurant very soon.

The best way to lose weight is to eat n**... in front of a mirror.

The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

DJ Khaled was featured in a Weight Watchers commercial for losing weight...

...He must have stopped eating out...

The reason I can't lose weight is

...I hate losing.

They say the best way to lose weight is to eat n**... in front of a mirror.

It's working well so far, I've been banned from McDonalds for life.

DJ Khaled invented a weight loss app

Everytime you lose a pound, his voice comes on and says "Another one".

How did Cardi-B lose weight?

Cardi-O

If you want to lose weight stop drinking coke.

Snort it instead.

After giving birth, how will Cardi B lose weight?

Cardi O

Diabetes is a great way to lose weight.

Your average foot weighs a couple pounds..

What's the fastest way to lose 130 lbs of dead weight?

Divorce

I don't seem to be losing any weight...

Even though my nutritionist told me that becoming healthy was a piece of cake.

What does Sonic do when he wants to lose weight?

He's gotta go fast

What do you call an Indian trying to lose weight?

A Cal-cutta

How to lose weight in one step?

Step 1: step down from the weighting machine

Water can solve all your problems..

Want to lose weight?
Drink water.
Clear Face?
Drink water.
Tired of a person?
Drown them in water..

My wife said if I don't lose weight then she'll file for a divorce.

Who wants to come over for a pizza tonight?

After a one night stand last night the girl said I was the biggest she ever had

I said oh cool thanks and then she said no seriously you need to lose some weight

Losing Weight joke, After a one night stand last night the girl said I was the biggest she ever had

jokes about losing weight

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these losing weight jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.