The Best 58 Loses Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Loses jokes. There are some loses losing weight jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these loses jabs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Loses Jokes and Puns

So a gymnast walks into a bar.

He gets a two point deduction and loses his chances at the gold.

This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12

Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.

The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.

They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.

The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".

The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.

"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.

"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"

So a man loses an arm and a leg in an accident...

And he's talking to a friend. The friend points out to him an advertisement for incredibly realistic prosthetic limbs.
"Oh boy, those seem great! I can't wait to buy them!" He says, and he goes off to get them. The next day, he's talking to his friend, but he's still missing his limbs! "What happened, I thought you were going to buy them!" His friend said, confused. "Oh, I did," He replied, "But they cost me an arm and a leg."

Loses joke, So a man loses an arm and a leg in an accident...

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

Then it's just a game: "Find the eye".

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was Well, I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step .


What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity?

Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!

What is it called when a reptile loses its tail?

Ereptile Dysfunction

Loses joke, What is it called when a reptile loses its tail?

Where does a dog go when he loses his tail

a retail store

A limbo champion walks into a bar

and loses his title.

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

Seal loses electron

Did you hear about the seal that lost an electron?
It's now a seal ion.

You can explore loses balance reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean loses floridian dad jokes. There are also loses puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man walks into a bar...

...and loses the international limbo championship.

(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)

An Asian guy, Hispanic guy, white guy, black guy and their pilot are on a plane...

Suddenly the plane loses control and the pilot says, "If three people jump off, the rest can survive.
The Asian guy goes "This is for my people" and jumps off.
The Hispanic guy goes "This is for my people" and jumps off.
The black guy goes "This is for my people", and kicks the white guy off the plane.

An average person loses virginity at the age of 17

I always knew I was above average

Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?

Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer.

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

The average person loses their virginity at 17.

Congratulations you are above average.

Loses joke, The average person loses their virginity at 17.

A boy loses his cellphone

A boy loses his precious cellphone and asks his dad if he had seen it anywhere. His dad asks the boy

"Why don't you call it?"

"I left it on silent"

"Well you know what they say"

"What?"

"If you like it then you should've put a ring on it"

What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

"Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."

My girlfriend told me she loses Mortal Kombat matches on purpose.

She said it's the only time I finish her.


An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

A man is riding in the back of a taxi...

and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says "Hey, buddy!" The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says "Wow I didn't know me tapping you would scare you so much!" The driver replies, "It's not you're fault. This is my first day driving a taxi... last 20 years I drove a hearse!"

Anyone who loses his arms shouldn't just throw them out.

You never know when they'll come in handy.

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

What does Hillary do when she loses a game of CS:GO?

She blames the Russians.

Sieg Heil by Covergirl

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
Hitler does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.

"I'm not a fool..."

An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.

Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.

Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..

A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs

A man loses his legs in a train accident

and when hes rushed to hospital

the only available transplant are a child's

so he gets the surgery

and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain

the nurse runs up and says

'sir is it your legs'

and the man goes

'no'
'its my kidneys'

Rap is like scissors...

It always loses to rock.

What's the name of the Mexican that loses his car?

Carlos...

A kid loses his glasses and falls down a well...

Too bad he couldn't see that well.

A limbo player walks into a bar.

He loses.

What do you call it when a sailor loses his virginity?

First mate.

I absolutely hate it when my tripod loses a leg.

I can't stand it.

A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase vodka from a liquor store...

...but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to kill him!"

After 40 minutes the man returns and elbows his way back to his place in line. One man asks him if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev.

"No, he responds. That line was even longer."

Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind.

A football team loses its star player Dante Dicks due to an injury...

The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without Dicks."

Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.

The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with Dicks out."

Stalin loses his pipe...

...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.

Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.

Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"

What happens when a man loses his train of thought?

So then I said, put that donkey down!

45000 feet above the Atlantic, the aircraft engine fails

And the captain declares an emergency. Everyone aboard the plane was scared shitless. A passenger sitting next to the pastor loses it and screams, 'Don't just sit there, do something religious!'.

The pastor promptly took up a collection.....

Take everyone's eye lids and noone bats an eye.

Take everyone's brains and everybody loses their minds.

If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday:

Liver damage

Daughter loses her first tooth

Wife : "Honey see this, our daughter lost her first tooth"

Husband : "yeah I know, she probably won't touch my PlayStation again"

A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...

He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.

What does a programmer say when he loses his glasses?

"Help! I can't C#"

Complex numbers are all fun and games...

Until someone loses an i. That's when things get real.

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:

-Where is he,where is the hacker!?

-I don't know,he ransomware.

Where does a dog go when it loses it's tail and needs a new one?

A retail store.

An American pilot is flying over the Australian outback.

He suddenly loses control of the plane and crashes. The next thing he knows he wakes up in a hospital. He figures he's in pretty bad shape but he wants to know for sure so when he sees a nurse he stops her.



"Did I come here to die?"



"No," the Australian replied. "You came here yesterday."

A decently funny war joke

Germany and France go to war. Who loses?

Belgium

Germany and France go to war. Who loses?

Belgium

What would the White House be like for Trump if he loses the 2020 election?

For-Biden Entry

What happens to a failed brain surgery?

The patient loses its mind.

In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...

The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.

If your sparkling water loses it's bubbles, that's ok...

It's still water.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Or a subreddit costs you $70 billion.

This big ol' grizzly bear walks up to the bar and orders s drink.

The bartender says "We don't serve wild animals."

Furious at this, the bear loses his cool, starts roaring and raging, knocking people and tables over. In his fury, he picks up an old woman and eats her down in one bite. Crunch.

Now, a bit sedated, he returns to the bar and says "Come on, man. I could use a beer to wash that down."

Shaking his head, the barman says "No wild animals and no drug addicts "

Confused, the bear says "Drug addicts? What drugs?"

The bartender shrugs. "What about that bar-bitch-you-ate?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the loses stirrup jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working loses puck piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes