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Loses Jokes

128 loses jokes and hilarious loses puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about loses that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Loses Short Jokes

Short loses jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The loses humour may include short losing jokes also.

  1. "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
  2. My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing. So I took down his confederate flag.
  3. If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
  4. A man was brought to the ER badly injured from an accident. We're losing him! said a nurse. Not on my watch! said the surgeon, who clocked out and went home.
  5. My dad says we shouldn't reward people with trophies for participation, because it's like a reward for losing. So I took his vietnam Veteran hat
  6. If online bullying has taught us anything. It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
  7. Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
  8. ( This joke was made up by my eight year old son. ) Why did the letters lose the battle against the numbers? They were outnumbered.
  9. In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
  10. How many Russians does it take to change a ukrainian lightbulb? At least 1 battalion to lose in the attempt. Please reply with your best punchline.

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Loses One Liners

Which loses one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with loses? I can suggest the ones about loss and loser.

  1. Trump still has a chance at 270 All he has to do is lose 50lbs.
  2. Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
  3. Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
  4. I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
  5. An atom loses an electron... It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
  6. I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
  7. Where does a dog go when he loses his tail a retail store
  8. What is great in the US but awful in the UK? Losing pounds
  9. I set out to lose 10 pounds this month... Only 15 more to go
  10. I think there should be a vote recount. It'll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.
  11. A limbo champion walks into a bar and loses his title.
  12. I had a goal to lose 20 Pounds by the end of the year. 30 pounds to go
  13. An average person loses virginity at the age of 17 I always knew I was above average
  14. What's the name of the Mexican that loses his car? Carlos...
  15. Where does a dog go when it loses it's tail and needs a new one? A retail store.

Loses joke, Where does a dog go when it loses it's tail and needs a new one?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about loses can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of loses puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Loses Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about loses you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean wins jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make loses prank.

So a gymnast walks into a bar.

He gets a two point deduction and loses his chances at the gold.

This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12

Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"

Blonde at the doctor's office

A gorgeous blonde pays a visit to a gynecologist. She undresses and lays down waiting for the doc. The doc enters the room and he's mesmerized by her beauty, totally loses his mind, and soon, starts having s**... with her.
She's quiet and not responsive, and the doc asks: You do realize what I'm doing, right?
She says: Of course, taking out my h**....

So a man loses an arm and a leg in an accident...

And he's talking to a friend. The friend points out to him an advertisement for incredibly realistic prosthetic limbs.
"Oh boy, those seem great! I can't wait to buy them!" He says, and he goes off to get them. The next day, he's talking to his friend, but he's still missing his limbs! "What happened, I thought you were going to buy them!" His friend said, confused. "Oh, I did," He replied, "But they cost me an arm and a leg."

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

Then it's just a game: "Find the eye".

In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.

When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was Well, I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step .

What do you call a man who loses pounds for a living?

A bad gambler

What does a 12 year old r**... girl say when she loses her virginity?

Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!

What is it called when a reptile loses its tail?

Ereptile Dysfunction

Fourth Grade Logic

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

Seal loses electron

Did you hear about the seal that lost an electron?
It's now a seal ion.

[OC] A cold bear

Did you know that when a bear gets cold it loses control of its vowels and becomes a brrrr?

A man walks into a bar...

...and loses the international limbo championship.
(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)

In Sweden paternity leave is a big thing. And it is very challenging, almost every father loses 23lb in the first few weeks.

They have no idea where the baby is.

Eyelash surgery

Mess up an eyelash surgery and no one bats an eye.
Mess up a brain surgery and everybody loses their minds

An Asian guy, Hispanic guy, white guy, black guy and their pilot are on a plane...

Suddenly the plane loses control and the pilot says, "If three people jump off, the rest can survive.
The Asian guy goes "This is for my people" and jumps off.
The Hispanic guy goes "This is for my people" and jumps off.
The black guy goes "This is for my people", and kicks the white guy off the plane.

Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?

Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer.
Thank you. I'll be here all week.

The average person loses their virginity at 17.

Congratulations you are above average.

s**... is like ping pong

A never ending push and pull until one partner loses the ball

A boy loses his cellphone

A boy loses his precious cellphone and asks his dad if he had seen it anywhere. His dad asks the boy
"Why don't you call it?"
"I left it on silent"
"Well you know what they say"
"What?"
"If you like it then you should've put a ring on it"

What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

"Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."

My girlfriend told me she loses Mortal Kombat matches on purpose.

She said it's the only time I finish her.

An atom loses an electron, another atom asks 'You sure?'

I'm positive.

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

A man is riding in the back of a taxi...

and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says "Hey, buddy!" The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says "Wow I didn't know me tapping you would scare you so much!" The driver replies, "It's not you're fault. This is my first day driving a taxi... last 20 years I drove a hearse!"

Anyone who loses his arms shouldn't just throw them out.

You never know when they'll come in handy.

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

h**... uses chemicals to remove polish, and everyone loses their mind

What does a dog do when it loses it's tail?

Goes to a retail store to find another one.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...

and then it's fun and games with no depth perception."

ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

What does Hillary do when she loses a game of CS:GO?

She blames the Russians.

A Russian alcoholic loses the key to car...

His wife wakes him from his drunken slumber.
"Where are the keys to the car!?" she demands.
"v**...? Whiskey?" he replies.
(read with Russian accent)

Sieg Heil by Covergirl

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
h**... does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.

A man pushes a car to a hotel and suddenly loses all his fortune....

He stopped at the enemy's hotel in Monopoly.

"I'm not a fool..."

An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..

Where do you take a dog when it loses its tail?

The veterinarian

A husband loses his credit card.....

He decides to not report it stolen, because the thief is spending less money than his wife

A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs

A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'

Why Jesus never loses his files?

Because Jesus saves...

Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye

Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds

Wife divorces him, loses his job after just 10 days...

The Mooch is one dead dog from being a country song.

Rap is like scissors...

It always loses to rock.

A kid loses his glasses and falls down a well...

Too bad he couldn't see that well.

A limbo player walks into a bar.

He loses.

What do you call it when a sailor loses his virginity?

First mate.

I absolutely hate it when my tripod loses a leg.

I can't stand it.

Apple slows their old phones and everyone loses their mind

God has been doing this to old people for centuries and no one bats an eye...

A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase v**... from a liquor store...

...but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to kill him!"
After 40 minutes the man returns and elbows his way back to his place in line. One man asks him if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev.
"No, he responds. That line was even longer."

A man walks into a bar and sees a man playing chess with his dog.

"Dear goodness! I've never seen such a thing in my life. That dog must be incredibly smart."
"Not really. He loses 9 out of every 10 games."

Use Acetone to remove polish that's fine

Use gas to remove polish and everyone loses their minds!

A plane loses power at 22,000ft, and all the passengers start to freak out. A woman yells "I can't die like this, will no man here come and make me feel like a woman?"

A man gets off his seat, rips off his shirt and says "Here
Iron this"

Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind.

A football team loses its star player Dante d**... due to an injury...

The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without d**...."
Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.
The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with d**... out."

Stalin loses his pipe...

...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"

A midget walks into a bar.

He loses the limbo competition.

What happens when a man loses his train of thought?

So then I said, put that donkey down!

A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.

Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can't see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the boxer asks why they stopped. His partner says: we stopped because you messed up the punch line.

45000 feet above the Atlantic, the aircraft engine fails

And the captain declares an emergency. Everyone aboard the plane was scared shitless. A passenger sitting next to the pastor loses it and screams, 'Don't just sit there, do something religious!'.
The pastor promptly took up a collection.....

Take everyone's eye lids and noone bats an eye.

Take everyone's brains and everybody loses their minds.

What does a r**... girl say when she loses her virginity?

Get off me Daddy! You crushing mah cigarettes!

If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday:

Liver damage

I made a time machine to travel back to the year 2001. You see my son had his first soccer game then, and I missed it only to show up 10 minutes after it ended.

When I go back to the past I'll tell myself that it isn't worth ditching work for and that the little d**... loses the game anyways.

Daughter loses her first tooth

Wife : "Honey see this, our daughter lost her first tooth"
Husband : "yeah I know, she probably won't touch my PlayStation again"

A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...

He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.

The difference between recession and depression.

Recession: When you neighbor loses his job.
Depression: When you lose yours.

What does a hacker say when he loses his virginity?

I'm in

What does a programmer say when he loses his glasses?

"Help! I can't C#"

Complex numbers are all fun and games...

Until someone loses an i. That's when things get real.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye

But it also stops being fun and games when someone finds an eye

Cream Loses Its Magic

Little Michael watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.' Why do you do that, Mummy?' he asked
'To make myself beautiful', said his mother who then began removing the cream with a tissue
'What's the matter?' asked little Michael, 'Giving up?'

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:
-Where is he,where is the hacker!?
-I don't know,he ransomware.

France and Germany are at war again, who loses?

Belgium

An American pilot is flying over the Australian outback.

He suddenly loses control of the plane and crashes. The next thing he knows he wakes up in a hospital. He figures he's in pretty bad shape but he wants to know for sure so when he sees a nurse he stops her.

"Did I come here to die?"

"No," the Australian replied. "You came here yesterday."

Where does a lizard go when it loses its tail ?

A re-tail store

Germany and France go to war. Who loses?

Belgium

Loses joke, Germany and France go to war. Who loses?

jokes about loses

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these loses jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.