Following is our collection of concede puns and opponents one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Lose jokes for adults, dirty vanish jokes and clean win dad gags for kids.
Because his father grounded him.
Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
So far I've managed to lose £200.
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Only 15 more to go
In an explosion.
Because orange is the new black.
Drown them.
It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
But nature is only out a buck.
30 pounds to go
I'm finally above average for something
France surrenders
Italy changes sides
Both lose
I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.
I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.
After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.
leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
only 13 lbs. to go!"
Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*
Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.
You'll never lose your pounds quicker.
The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.
"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a sexy striptease for you."
Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."
That is why individuals with no sense of Humor
have increased sense of self-importance and narcissism.
I'm really good at measuring dicks.
Only 12 more to go
The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.
Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
He came closer and asked what problem is.
Old man: I'm looking for my son, but I'm gonna lose my hope.
Jesus pitied the man and said, let's look for your son together.
After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily.
Yes, said the old man. He had nails driven on his hands and feet.
Jesus started and hugged the man, saying FATHER!
The old man screamed happily, PINOCCHIO!
Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated...
Breakfast and dinner.
My dad told me this joke please laugh.
Because they always shoot down the black one first.
Exit the European Union.
you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup.
If you take off the ring you lose your house and half your belongings
Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.
- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.
…but I just love him more…
And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."
They begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you lose your house.
They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
He was too hard on the gas
I'm finally above average for something.
The Steam summer sale
The steaks have never been higher.
If you buy enough, you are guaranteed to lose 30 pounds fast.
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
They both want to see if their powers still work
so moses splits the lake, walks right through, and says "alright jesus, now you try it"
So jesus tries to walk atop the waters but winks right through, and swims to the other side.
"What happened?" Moses asks, "Did you lose balance or something?"
"Well last time I didn't have holes in my feet"
I said, "How?"
He said "Don't eat anything fatty."
I said, "You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"
He said, "No, just don't eat anything, fatty."
"Have you found Jesus?"
"Damnit, did you guys lose him again? Seriously, start using bigger nails."
A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.
Exactly 1GB
The police however call it theft.
I only need 24 and then I can finally give myself head
You lose half your money and your wife is still around.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
There is an abundance of backhand jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes and lose puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any losing weight witze you can hear about lose.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.