"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"
"Yesterday?" I replied.
Because his father grounded him.
Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
So far I've managed to lose £200.
That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Only 15 more to go
In an explosion.
Because orange is the new black.
Drown them.
It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
But nature is only out a buck.
30 pounds to go
I'm finally above average for something
France surrenders
Italy changes sides
Both lose
An American man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man are on a plane.
The plane is going to crash unless they lose some excess weight.
The Mexican man throws beans off the plane, he says, "In my country, we have too many beans."
Next, the Chinese man throws rice off the plane, he says, "In my country, we have too much rice."
Next, the American man throws the Mexican man off the plane,
He says,
"That bastard slept with my wife."
leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
only 13 lbs. to go!"
Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*
You'll never lose your pounds quicker.
The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.
"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a sexy striptease for you."
Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."
That is why individuals with no sense of Humor
have increased sense of self-importance and narcissism.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose
patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Only 12 more to go
Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.
Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated...
He came closer and asked what problem is.
Old man: I'm looking for my son, but I'm gonna lose my hope.
Jesus pitied the man and said, let's look for your son together.
After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily.
Yes, said the old man. He had nails driven on his hands and feet.
Jesus started and hugged the man, saying FATHER!
The old man screamed happily, PINOCCHIO!
Because they always shoot down the black one first.
Exit the European Union.
you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup.
If you take off the ring you lose your house and half your belongings
'Captain, how did you get your peg leg?'
'Yarrr... Me ship sank. I was rescued, but not before a great white took me leg.'
'What about your hook hand?'
'Me ship was boarded. I repelled the bastards, but not before I lost me hand.'
'And what about your eye patch?'
'Yarrr... a bird shit in me eye.'
'I don't understand.... How did that cause you to lose an eye???'
'It was me first day with the hook!'
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