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Los Angeles Jokes

90 los angeles jokes and hilarious los angeles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about los angeles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Los Angeles Short Jokes

Short los angeles jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The los angeles humour may include short las vegas jokes also.

  1. I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
  2. When the smog clears over Los Angeles... ... U.C.L.A.
    I am not at all sorry for this joke.
  3. The longest drum solo. Was 5 hours and 23 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on United Flight LY51 From Newark to Los Angeles.
  4. How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport Re:LAX
  5. Los Angeles announced plans to lease 288 all-electric police cars. Do you know where they'll use them? In Watts.
    I'll see myself out now.
  6. What's the difference between Los Angeles and Kim Kardashian? One is a dirty, washed-up place many great men have visited. The other one is a city in California.
  7. What's the difference between a dollar and the Los Angeles Rams? A dollar is good for 4 quarters.
  8. Work has already begun in preparation for the 2028 Olympic Games in Los Angeles Mostly by ISIS
  9. Did you know that the Super Bowl was just on?? Apparently, neither did the
    Los Angeles Rams.
  10. I heard there's a pretty good Halloween display in the Los Angeles Harbor this year. Everywhere you look is quite the freight.

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Los Angeles One Liners

Which los angeles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with los angeles? I can suggest the ones about beverly hills and san diego.

  1. What happens when the smog lifts from Los Angeles? UCLA
  2. What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? U.C.L.A
  3. What happens when the fog clears from Los Angeles? UCLA
  4. Los Angeles usually has a thick smog covering its skyline. But when the smog lifts, UCLA…
  5. Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger? O.J. Simpson
  6. Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles? The Betty Ford Clinic
  7. Texted my buddy in Los Angeles to see how things were...he replied "It's Lit"
  8. Today in Los Angeles it's kobe bryant Day No passing allowed on the freeways
  9. What did the Los Angeles Lakers finish on tuesday? Kim Kardashian's chest.
  10. What happens when the fog lifts over Los Angeles? UCLA
  11. If you set sail from Los Angeles, CA to Barrow, AK, what would your bering be? Strait
  12. Q: Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles?
    A: A rehab center.
  13. This kid is going places From New York City to Los Angeles
  14. What happens when the smog/fog/smoke over Los Angeles lifts? You see L.A.
  15. Where will you find the most powerful man in Los Angeles? Watts.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about los angeles can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of los angeles puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Los Angeles Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about los angeles you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean new york jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make los angeles prank.

In South Los Angeles, a fourplex was destroyed by fire. A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire. A black Islamic group of seven welfare cheaters, all illegally in the country from Kenya, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six Los Angeles g**... ex-cons lived on the third floor and they died as well.
One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris, and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew to Los Angeles and met with the fire chief on television. They loudly demanded to know why the Nigerians, Muslims, and gangbangers all died in the fire, and only the white couple survived.

The fire chief said, "Please don't get upset. The reason those fellow citizens survived was because they were at work."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.
After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Los Angeles Homeless...
Homeless people here are different.
You ever notice that?
Our homeless people are serious, man.
They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.
The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.
At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approached the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means to lay down a base of fire!).
The Marines promptly laid down a base of the fire.
The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.
The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!"

A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati."
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.
"That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route."

I don't mean to be forward girl but do you s**...? Ok Cool. s**... these 7 balloons of h**... and get on this flight to Los Angeles

What can tourists do on a $65 tour of gang turf in Los Angeles? Purchase a postcard, t-shirt, and some crystal m**...!

Pack your Bags

A woman was going to Los Angeles from New York City for an extended stay. With permission from the airline was permitted to bring five pieces of luggage.
As the clerk was starting to take the luggage, the woman says, "I would like you to send the first bag to Miami, the second bag to Chicago, the third bag to Dallas, the fourth bag to Phoenix and the fifth bag to Seattle."
The clerk says looks at her for a second, then types a few things in his computer, then looks back at the women and says, "I'm sorry, we can't do that!"
The woman says, "Well why not? You guys did it last time without me even asking?"

(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?

The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"

Police Lineup

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot."
One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"

Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed.

He is surrounded by his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"h**..., I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the s**... had a newspaper route."

Morning Jew

Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"h**..., I want you to take the offices over in City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property? The s**... had a paper round!"

Santa's Jokes

Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

5.5 Quake Shakes L.A.

Every 20 years or so, a large earthquake rattles Los Angeles as a result of the tremendous buildup of pressure in every Angeleno to talk about something other than show business.
~ Scott Miller

A Man meets a Genie, Is granted 1 wish.

A young man is going about his regular day when a genie stops him and grants him one wish.
The man stops to think about it for a minute, then says, okay i got one.
He tells the Genie for his wish he wants to build a bridge from Los Angeles to Sydney so he could drive whenever he wants.
The Genie immediately said no, its not possible. The Pacific is just too deep, their are currents, the bridge will never hold up. Its impossible, wish for something else.
A little upset that he can't have his bridge the man comes up with another wish. He asks the Genie to understand how a women's mind works.
The genie replied, do you want the bridge to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?

Usain Bolt got arrested in Los Angeles...

It was the first time he'd ever been LAPD.

Chinese vacationers

A Chinese family arrives in Los Angeles to begin their American vacation. They approach the currency exchange window to exchange 10,000 Chinese yuan. The agent gives them $1,600 and they go on their way. They enjoy their vacation but realize their American funds are depleting quickly. They return to the currency exchange a week later to exchange another 10,000 Yuan. This time the exchange agent hands over $1,400. The Chinese man asks in broken yet effective English why the exchanged amount is $200 less. The agent shrugs his shoulders and politely replies "Fluctuations". The Chinese man suddenly becomes enraged and replies "Fluck you Americans!"

What does Ferguson, Missouri and Los Angeles, California have in common?

They are both cities.

I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"
I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

So a man calls an airport

A man calls an airport. The receptionist answers.
"Hello."
"Yes, hello. I have a question. How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Paris?"
"Just a minute."
"Thanks," says the man and hangs up.

A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees an advertisement for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he goes to learn more. 'Can you give me some more details?' he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $85,000, but you're going to have to go to Albuquerque New Mexico. That's about 620 miles from here.'
'Good grief, is that where the job is?'
'No sir... that's where the end of the line is right now...

What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

Kobe beef

I'm in a long distance relationship

with White Castle. Please come to Los Angeles. I miss you..

What does Egyptian airport security have in common with Los Angeles airport security?

Both have LAX security.

The St Louis Rams are moving to Los Angeles...

And Im too lazy to move out of my parents house

I live in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. My girlfriend is taking a flight from London to come see me. I have promised her that I'll go pick her up from the airport

We'll both leave our respective houses at the same time :|

It used to be if you wanted to go to an NFL game in Los Angeles you couldn't....

Now you just don't want to!

Why does every person from San Diego have dead electronics?

Their chargers relocated to Los Angeles!

Disaster at the Los Angeles zoo today

when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.

Did you hear, they are changing the name of the airport in Los Angeles?

I guess now it will be ex-lax.

When the Mexicans finally invade and take over Los Angeles, what will the city be renamed to?

El Eyyyy

What does a Los Angeles police officer get at a s**... club?

a l**...

A guy walks into a golf shop in LA and starts yelling at the employees about how they have the worst drivers in the world...

The employees say welcome to Los Angeles

What do you call a Pakistani p**... in Los Angeles?

Lahore.

Johnny Carson Classic

The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they s**... the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.

I would hate to fly on an airline out of Los Angeles...

The security there is always so LAX

A blonde woman calls the airport

- Good morning! How much time will it take for me to get from Los Angeles to New York?
- Just a moment.
- And back?

Having immigrated at 1 and been raised in Los Angeles

by two hard-working first generation Korean parents,
I still struggle with insecurities, some of which are
worsened by deeply ingrained Asian stereotypes from my past.
Just the other week, my Caucasian friend Jessie and I hit the links
and I tee off 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.
Then he tees off, and his ball hits
an 8 year old boy in the back of the head
\-- killing him instantly.
So I'm like "Oh. My. God.
Who's the bad driver now!?"

There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.

The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

Los Angeles is so embarrassed by their baseball team, the Angels

so much so, they changed the city's name to Spanish to avoid association. They now have another team called the Dodgers

22, Male, Los Angeles, and hoping to find some hot tinder matches in my area

Please, this shelter's getting too crowded. I don't want to lose my house again.

I met a Hippo in Los Angeles wearing fishnets and a tank top

She referred to herself as a Hungry Hungry Clitpo

People of New York, Los Angeles & Miami, did you know you are living in 3 cities at the same time?

What's the difference between the President of the United States and the management staff of a Los Angeles baseball team?

One of them drafts Dodgers. The other dodges drafts.

Everyone is upset about the ufc moving the event from Las Vegas to Los Angeles

I say it's their Los

Recently went to Los Angeles and was driving slow down Highway 1 when I noticed that Kobe was driving behind me for hours.

I wonder why he didn't pass?

What interview should you avoid asking Clark Kent to give?

2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco
6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas
9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles


The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight

A passenger at an airport in New York was at the counter

-I'm going California for business, I want to go to Los Angeles, I want to send the big suitcase in my right hand to San Francisco and the smaller suitcase on ground to San Diego.
-Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid that's not possible, we can't do that.
-Great then, because that's what you did on my last flight.

Got my wife during the game last night

Hit my wife with this yesterday during the game, paraphrasing:
Wife: so it's the Los Angeles Chargers now?
Me: yeah they moved the team a few years ago
Wife: but aren't the raiders Los Angeles?
Me: no it's Las Vegas
Wife: oh I got the Los and Las mixed up
Me: hmm I guess you're at a Los for words
She didn't like it as much as I did :D

A buddy of mine has two Super Bowl tickets.

40 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them it was going to be on the same day as his wedding - probably because of the extra game this year. If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place...It's at Sacred Heart Catholic church in Los Angeles at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be in the white dress.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these los angeles jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.