Lords Jokes

30 lords jokes and hilarious lords puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lords that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh away with the latest Lords jokes! Reminisce about your highness in the house of lords and share with your friends the latest recreational jokes about lords mobile and the parliament.

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Funniest Lords Short Jokes

Short lords jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lords humour may include short landlord jokes also.

  1. Ever wonder how a Jehovah's Witness spreads their word during Covid? Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
  2. My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the lord of the rings trilogy. She's Tolkien in her sleep.
  3. "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
    "I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!"
  4. When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
  5. Last night I dreamed I was the author of The Lord of the Rings. I've been Tolkien in my sleep.
  6. I wouldn't be mad. And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life". But John came fifth and won a toaster.
  7. When I was young, I used to pray to the Lord everyday to give me a bike. But then I realised it doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
  8. And the Lord said to Peter 'Come forth and receive eternal life' Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
  9. How to anger Lord of the Rings fans? When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"
  10. The Lord said to John: Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life! John ended up coming fifth…

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Lords One Liners

Which lords one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lords? I can suggest the ones about elves and lands.

  1. Why isn't Holy Water used in vaccines ? Because, you can't take the Lords name in vein.
  2. Two handicapped men walk into a bar... PRAISE THE LORD!!
  3. What do you call a Sith Lord with joint pain? Darthritis
  4. Which sith lord prefers to cripple his opponents rather than kill them? Darth Ritis
  5. The Lord moves in mysterious ways. But you don't. Use your turn signal.
  6. Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles Ramen.
  7. Well I've heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord. Gsus
  8. What do you get when you cross a Drug cartel and a mafia lord? Probably killed.
  9. What do you call someone with a spice garden on Gallifrey? A Thyme Lord.
  10. Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches. That's Horatio of 3:1.
  11. [spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.
  12. Why does The Lord’s Prayer ask for our daily bread Because it’s something we knead.
  13. Three disabled people walk into a bar. Praise the Lord!!!
  14. What's the title of audi CEO? Lord of the Rings.
  15. What's Darth Vader's stage name when he plays his electric piano? The synth lord

House Of Lords Jokes

Here is a list of funny house of lords jokes and even better house of lords puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the imposter clown say when he was arrested at the House of Lords? "The real joker's in the Commons."
  • Yo momma so poor I f**... in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
Lords joke

Great Lords Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about lords you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boss jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lords pranks.

There's this new drug named Jesus

I've heard of a lot of people injecting it but I've started taking it o**....
I'd never take the lords name in vein

How many sith lords does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They like it on the dark side.

What do you call a shopping center for Sith lords?

A Darth mall.

Why don't they use holy water in vaccines?

You can't take the lords name in vein.

I lost 20 lbs in a month...

Those drug lords are gonna kill me.

How do you neutralize Lords of Acid?

With some Ace of Base.

p**... the Irishman arrives at the Gates of Heaven...

...and is greeted by St. Peter. Peter says to p**... "You may enter, p**..., but first you must answer one question."
He then asks p**... "What is the the name of thy Lord?"
p**... replies "Harold."
"Harold?" asks St. Peter, "How did you arrive at that?"
"Oh, it's in the Lords Prayer... Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name".

What do frustrated English lords use to clean their castles?

Scotch Brite

Today is the 13th day of Christmas. My house is over-run with noisy birds and a crowd of hungry and confused pipers, drummers, lords and ladies. On top of all that... true love was arrested for human trafficking.

Time Lords make the worst lovers...

It's always bigger on the inside

Where do Sith Lords go shopping?

At the Darth Mall!

Lords joke, Where do Sith Lords go shopping?