loomed Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious loomed puns

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"

Ummm, "150 points?"


Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road

one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it , but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."

"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."


The Devil went to a small church...

The congregation at a die hard church was in full swing when with a stench of brimstone and puff of smoke the devil appeared! All them members ran from the church except one little old man in the first row who sat looking calmly at him.
The devil loomed over the old man and growled " Do you realize who I am?"
" Sure do." the little old man replied.
" Do you know i can kill you with a thought?"
" Sure do."
" Do you realize i can mangle your body with a touch?"
" Sure do."
" Do you realize I can carry you off to Hell for eternity?"
" Sure do."
" Then why aren't you scared of me?" The Devil asked quietly.
" Been married to your sister for 50yrs."


Brave Captain Smith

One fine day, brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue. Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull and crossbones raised on the mast. The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do.

Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said, "Bring me my red shirt." The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Captain Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship. In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.

The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs afterwards when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle. He responded: "If I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me."

The crew had a new found admiration for its captain, and they talked all night about his bravery. About a week later, there loomed on the horizon 10 pirate ships. Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership. Calmly, Captain Smith said, "Boys, bring me my brown pants!"


What did the textile workers do after their shift?

Nothing, they just loomed around.


And old man and his son were walking down the road

A tree up ahead loomed darkly. The boy said "Father, is that tree a bad thing?" "Hush now, son, and think not of these things". Millennials.


What are the most funny Loomed jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Loomed? Well, here are the best Loomed dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Loomed pick up lines to share with friends.


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