Lookout Jokes
29 lookout jokes and hilarious lookout puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lookout that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lookout Short Jokes
Short lookout jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lookout humour may include short outlook jokes also.
- Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
- Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway, Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals
- Police are on the lookout for a shoplifting gang systematically stealing shirts according to size They're currently at large
- Heard a rumor that Iron Man is going to be the newest Disney Princess... ...they're always on the lookout for a strong Fe male character.
- Authorities in Lake Tahoe are on the lookout for three bears that have collectively broken into more than 30 homes Current leads suggest that the bears' location to be somewhere in the goldilock zone
- While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck. Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
- Why don't you ever see a crow as roadkill? They always have another crow as a lookout saying "car, car, car"
- Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon. He is believed to be still on the run
- Stuff in the air... The Country is on the lookout for flying objects.
Today, on Valentine's Day, Cupid almost got taken down by the National Air Patrol... - Now that it is 2015 we should all really be on the lookout for Marty Mcfly. If it is only to forewarn him to invest heavily in Parkinsons research on his return to 1985.
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Lookout One Liners
Which lookout one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lookout? I can suggest the ones about beware and sight.
- Police on lookout for Starbucks thief Suspect is still at veinte
Uplifting Lookout Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about lookout you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean caution jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lookout pranks.
i was in Jerusalem for a holiday
Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.
From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a female barista could be found.
Perplexed by this, i finally asked the Jewish barista at the starbucks at the airport when i was about to leave. He thought about it for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said simply:
Hebrews.
The Secret of the Red Shirt
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain. He ran a very successful ship, and rarely lost any battles. He took a boy under him to teach him the trade.
One day, the lookout shouted, "Marine ship to the starboard, bearing down upon us!". The captain immediately shouted to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". The ship was boarded, but the captain rallied the pirates and defeated the marines.
Every time a marine ship attacked them, the captain would give the same order to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". And they always won. So, one day the boy asked the captain, "What is the secret of the red shirt?". The captain replied, "The secret is that, if I'm injured in the battle, the crew won't see blood and will not falter." The boy was amazed and grew proud about his captain.
Then one day, the came upon an entire fleet of marine ships. Hundreds upon hundreds of marine ships bore down upon them. The boy came running to the captain with the red shirt. The captain shook his head and said, "Bring me my brown pants."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.
Police were on the lookout for serial killer John Wayne Gacy
They stepped into a corner store for some coffee and saw a guy in back where the milk cartons are.
Cop 1: "Hey, that looks like our suspect!"
Cop 2: "What's he doing?"
Cop 1: "Talking to himself. Let's get closer."
So they go up right behind him and listen.
Gacy:"Need him. Got him. Got him. Got him. Need him. Got him...."
The police are currently on the lookout for a massive homeless dumpling that has been indiscriminately ransacking houses for money to buy basic necessities.
He's a wanted wanting wanton one-ton wonton.
Just In Time
A cop was on night patrol driving up near lover's lookout when he noticed a parked car with a young man reading on the front seat and a young woman knitting on the back seat. He pulled over and walked up to their car. "What are you doing, Son?" the cop asked. "Reading," the young man answered. The cop shone his flashlight on the back seat. "And what is she doing?" "She's knitting," the young man answered. "How old are you?" the cop asked suspiciously. "I'm twenty one," the man answered. "And how old is she?" the cop asked. The young man looked at his watch, "In forty five minutes she'll be eighteen."
A Sea Captain is complaining about how difficult his life is without a leg and an arm
He says to his crew mates, " When ye missin' two major parts of ye, thar ain't many things ye can do. "
The lookout hollers from the crow's nest " I 'ave it worse Captain! "
" Oh!? " The Sea Captain exclaims " 'n which two parts of ye be missin'? "
To which the lookout replies " Eye, eye Captain! "
A mysterious force drug a pirate ship closer to the Bermuda Triangle, alarming the captain.
The captain asked the lookout in the the crow's nest what he saw.
The lookout replied, "Captain, we be sailing tangent to stormy seas. It be a sine the secant be good."
The captain responded, "Aye, the sea put this here crew in a triggy situation."
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
A prison bus crashed into a cement mixer
You should be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
The police has been on the lookout for a large bearded man breaking into children's homes to give them treats.
At least that's what my parents told me whenever I didn't receive any gifts from Santa.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lookout that sniped the second most evil man to ever live?
The watch that killed h**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Light & The Rainbow
So we're out one night and my boyfriend says "Where's the rainbow?"
and I say "Lookout it's coming right now."
Then we have s**....
My name's Marie.
The Captain's Pants
The Captain of a ship was standing on deck when his lookout called down "Captain! I see 1 ship on the horizon!" The Captain prepared the crew for battle and called to his first mate "Bring me my red pants! If I get hit I don't want my men to know! I want them to keep fighting!" The battle was long and hard won by the captain and his men. They were standing on the damaged deck when the look out called down "Captain! I see 10 ships on the horizon!" The Captain turned to his first mate and said "Bring me my brown pants."
So a three masted sailing ship is leaving port...
... just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down "Sir! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!"
The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts "Bring me my red shirt!"
After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light.
Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies "Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!"
The cabin boy thinks that's pretty clever and goes to bed for the night.
The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down "Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!"
And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says "Bring me my brown pants!"
A grandfather takes his grandson hunting for the first time
They are on the look-out when a young deer appears in the middle of the clearing, the little one raises his rifle but his grandfather stops him saying "that one is too young, let's wait a bit more".
They wait, and a magnificent deer in the prime of his years struts into the clearing and the young lad raises his rifle again. Again the grandfather stops him and explains "we need strong young deer to keep the population healthy."
They continue to wait and eventually a scraggly little thing covered in scars, with only three legs and missing an eye stumbles onto the clearing. The grandson looks questioningly at his grandfather asking "Is this one ok?" -"Yes, we always shoot at that one!"
A pirate ship is sailing across the Atlantic..
When suddenly the lookout shouts, "Enemy ship heading our way!" The captain, as soon as he hears this, tells his first mate to go grab his red coat.
After they defeated the enemy, his first mate asks what the red coat was for. The captain responds, "Whenever I go into battle with my crew, I don't want them to lose morale by seeing my blood stain me, so I wear this coat to hide my wounds from them."
The next day the lookout warns them, "There's a fleet of five enemy ships heading our way!"
Upon hearing this, the captain tells his first mate to grab his brown pants.
