Looking Sharp Jokes
34 looking sharp jokes and hilarious looking sharp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about looking sharp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Looking Sharp Short Jokes
Short looking sharp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The looking sharp humour may include short looking young jokes also.
- Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife? The invitation said to look sharp.
- So A flat walks into a bar . . . And the bartender looks up and says, "G you're looking sharp."
- Well dressed! I made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp, but everyone thought it looked tacky.
- I made a shirt out of pushpins... ...because I wanted to look sharp.
But everyone said it was just tacky. - Clothes make the man (Joke from my nephew) What's the difference between a sharp-dressed fellow on a bicycle and a raggedy looking guy on a unicycle?
Attire. - What did the Pencile say to the other pencil? what did the pencile say to the other pencil
the answer is...........
Your Looking Sharp :) - I made a shirt out of thumbtacks so I could look sharp... ...But everyone said it was just tacky.
- I don't take my shirts to the dry cleaners. If I want to look sharp, I pay the iron price.
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Looking Sharp One Liners
Which looking sharp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with looking sharp? I can suggest the ones about sharp and pointy.
- Why do pencil shave? To look sharp.
Cr - Why do pencils shave? To look sharp.
- What did the Marlin say to the swordfish? You're looking sharp
- Two sharp criminals just vandalized your home! Luckily, the damage looks to B Minor
- A knife walks into a bar... the bartender says, "hey you're looking sharp!"
- What did one pencil say to the other pencil? You're looking sharp!
- Chuck Norris is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at him.
- Are you a beginner violinist playing c natural? Cuz you're looking pretty sharp
Looking Sharp Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about looking sharp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shining jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make looking sharp pranks.
An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
Sharp Retort
A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 dollars an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both of the women in the eyes, farts, and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"
So, there I was buying cheese in a deli.
Me: what would you recommend?
Deli person: *describing cheeses*
Mozzarella is smooth and melts well.
Me: sounds good .
Deli person: cheddar is good for sandwiches if you're looking for a sharp tang.
Me: awesome, noted.
Deli person: Pepper Jack is like Monterey Jack cheese but has delicious pepper chunks in it.
Me: weird flecks, but ok!
A man goes to the doctor...
And says 'doctor doctor! You gotta help me! Every time I have tea I get a sharp pain in my eye!'
The doctor looks at him. 'The next time you have tea,' he says, 'take the spoon out of the cup first.'
A story about kinks and b**...
I started dating this girl with a really weird f**... -- she's got a very nice pair of k**..., and she loves having it smacked loudly. She really gets off from the pain and from the really loud POP sound that the slap of skin-on-skin can make. Recently, she's been getting more k**... about it, and she's escalated to asking me to hit her rack with more and more painful objects. It started with a ruler, then the flat of a large bread knife. The past few weeks, she's been asking me to use a pair of sharp scissors, but I lost them last night and I've been looking for them all day.
I apologized, but she's really upset that I lost her rack popper scissors.
A performer is traveling to his next show at night...
When he is stopped by a police officer for a surprise car search. The officer finds that the man has an assortment of blades and sharp weapons. He questions the man about them.
Officer: can you explain the weapons in your car?
Man: weapons? I think you mean my props. I'm a juggler you see.
Officer: oh well is that so? Prove it.
The man proceeds to juggle two blades, then three, then four. Just then, a car drives past. The man in the car turns to his wife and says:
Thank God I gave up drinking! Just look at how they're testing people now!
So an illiterate man signs a deal with the devil.
The devil appeared to the man one day and said "If you are willing to give me a soul, I will grant you all of your heart's desires, but you will have to deliver your soul to me on your final day, I will tell you when it comes"
The man, without a second thought, agreed to this.
20 years later, the man had lived a life of wealth, women and booze.
He was out walking home from a bar when the devil reappeared in front of him.
"Time's up, your soul, now, as per our deal"
The man looked at him blankly and said "alright"
He pulls out a sharp blade, bends over and reaches toward his shoes.
Contempt Of Court
Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.
Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.
"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.
His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"
Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."
The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"
7 mildly offensive jokes
**What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? **
A speech impediment.
**What's the Cuban National Anthem? **
Row row row your boat.
**What's the fastest way to a man's heart? **
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
**Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a r**... baby? **
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
**Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? **
Because those men already have boyfriends.
**What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? **
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
**What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? **
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Charley is a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart,
just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly"policies.
One day the boss called him into the office fora talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-upjob when you finally get here; but your being late so often
is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
I know you're retired from the US NAVY. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,
"They usually saluted and said,
'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"