Looking Forward Jokes
138 looking forward jokes and hilarious looking forward puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about looking forward that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Looking Forward Short Jokes
Short looking forward jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The looking forward humour may include short awaiting jokes also.
- After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says... "I look forward to seeing you in it".
So for his birthday I bought him a coffin. - On the bright side... We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.
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Kate Middleton has said if she has a boy she will call him by the most popular British boy's name at the moment. We look forward to the arrival of baby Mohammed. - I have a cross eyed friend who just got diagnosed with depression. Makes sense because he never looks forward to anything.
- What do you call a camel that looks the same walking forward as it does walking backward? A palindromedary.
- My cross-eyed friend was just diagnosed with depression. I'm not surprised - he never looks forward to anything.
- I swallowed some Scrabble tiles earlier. I am not looking forward to my next vowel movement.
- As a teacher, I had several parents tell me at the beginning of the year that their child was gifted. Now the year is almost over, I'm looking forward to regifting most of them.
- Whenever I'm down, I always look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. I really hope it's a train this time.
- I was really looking forward to interviewing a local child psychologist, until I did. Turns out they were a full grown adult!
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Looking Forward One Liners
Which looking forward one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with looking forward? I can suggest the ones about moving forward and excited.
- Reasons I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day this year 1. It's pay day
- I'm really looking forward to the world Cup themed McDonald's burger. The qatar pounder
- My wife says she is really looking forward to the hotel... But I have my reservations.
- What do most people look forward to but most mattresses fear? Spring Break
- I'm thinking about getting into drag racing... It looks pretty straight forward.
- Was looking forward to Cyberpunk 2077. Got Cyberpunk 2020 instead.
- My glasses have broken I can barely look forward to buying new ones
- Hindsight is 20/20... Because this year there's nothing to look forward to.
Cr - My Russian doll passed away. I'm not looking forward to the funerals.
- Current relationship status: The only date I'm looking forward to is my untimely death
- Looking forward to his next movie Night at the Mausoleum
- Welcome to PornHub! We will be looking forward to you hard at work here!
- I look forward to hearing Michelle Obama's speech again. At the 2020 RNC.
- If you look at the word "nun".... you´ll see it´s just the letter n doing a forward roll
- I'm looking forward to this evening.
Looking Forward Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about looking forward you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean upcoming jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make looking forward pranks.
Yo mama's breath is so bad people look forward to her farts!
A married couple has invoked the ghosts, after 15 minutes of invoking has appeared only the face of the grandmother of the man.
The married couple has asked the grandmother together: "What would you like to tell us dear granny? "
The granny has said: "I am looking forward to seeing you soon. Have a nice day!"
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
The Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," went the voice loudly again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a s**... name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."
The wedding night
A young women marries a very rich very old man. On the wedding night they have adjoining suites. The young woman tells her husband that she loves him for his mind and that he should feel no performance pressure. If he feels up to s**... to just knock on her door.
She goes to bed expecting a restful and undisturbed night but about 5 minutes later there is a knock and in comes the old man. They proceed to have fairly rambunctious s**... after which the old man returns to his room. The bride settles back to go to sleep. 10 min later there is another knock at the door and in he comes again, and another round of s**.... Afterward he again leaves. The young bride is very tired by now and is looking forward to a good night's sleep. 10 minutes later there is another knock at the door. She bursts out incredulously, "Again?". The old man opens the door and replies, "What? Have I been here before?"
There's an old Italian man
There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."
The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."
My Mum said to me last week that she had been looking forward to Mother's Day for ages.
I said "Why? Your Mum's dead".
Got this one in a forward from my dad - I did not see that one coming.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD..
WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
s**...
ASKED
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?
Mother's Day
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado...
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado, that hits a state f**... they're all attending in Kansas.
Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.
They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.
What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I've come for some courage.
No problem! says the Wizard. Who is next?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well…I…I think I need a heart.
Done, says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?
Up steps George W. Bush, who says, I'm told by the American people that I need a brain.
Not a problem! says the Wizard. Consider it done.
There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, What do you want?
Ummm, he says quietly, is Dorothy around?
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
California Roll
A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.
Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and starts beating him.
The guy starts yelling "Stop! STOP!! What are you doing?! Stop!!!"
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to stop or slow down?"
My friend, upon hearing that Chris Pratt will be in the new Jurassic World film...
Are you looking forward to Jurassic Parks and Recreation?
What is the Fonz looking forward to the most in the future?
The iPhone Ayyyye-t
My psychic friend is really excited about this new year.
You could say he's really looking forward to it.
What'd I tell my boyfriend after he broke up with me?
"Now that I'm one of your ex-girlfriends, I look forward to you actually flirting with me now!"
The sailor's birthday
Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.
I'll never forget how my grandfather died...
Every one in our family remembers it - he didn't hesitate, he looked calmly, then pushed forward, charging into the face of death, and managed to kill 5 of em' before a piece of shrapnel ended his life...
Meanwhile my grandma was shouting "IT'S A RED LIGHT!"
Ffs it was looking forward to this tube of pringles
But there's only three in here and they're all tennis ball flavour.
My gay dyslexic friend is looking forward to the 14th of February.
He thinks its Vaseline day
I was watching a tv evangelist this morning and it made me realize how much I'm looking forward to the Rapture.
Yeah, I can't wait until all these "Christians" are gone.
What's the difference between my e**... and my motorcycle?
My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.
I'm really looking forward to Halloween this year. I'm doing a SAW themed party for my kids and their friends.
It begins with twelve children locked in the basement and I've hidden the Wi-Fi password inside the stomach of one of them.
Why does Vincent van Gogh always look forward to thenew year?
Because everyone wishes him a new ear.
I've seen videos of grandmas smoking w**..., and listening to rock music.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm looking forward to when they complete the trilogy.
Your breath is so n**.......
That people look forward to your farts
Are you looking forward to the Olympics?
I am, they're going to be dope.
America's options in 2016 elections:
1. Person who is okay with b**... people.
2. Person who is really looking forward to b**... people.
Marriage - Some days are just tough
I look forward to those
I'm really looking forward to the next stop on my Mediterranean cruise.
The captain said we're just a few clicks out from h**... Bay.
Afterlife for IRS Cheaters
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."
Looking forward to my traditional 7-course Irish Thanksgiving meal
A six pack and a potato
I was looking forward to playing a cult leader when i heard about the new Pokémon games.
I was so disappointed when I found out it wasn't actually Pokémon Sun Myung Moon
I look forward to snow and I woke up to some this morning...
To me, that makes everything white in the world.
The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at.
He called it a stable investment.
Everyone else has 4 seasons to look forward to: Sping, Summer, Fall, & Winter
We Seniors have only 1 season: Fall
On my wedding day, I walked down the aisle with my back to the altar
I really wasn't looking forward to getting married.
When I was 7 my Dad left to get some eggs and bread at the store and never came back.
I was devastated, I was really looking forward to the French toast.
Teenagers in Houston can look forward to the used car sales in a few months.
The market is going to be flooded.
So I'm going to watch that clown movie later tonight
I'm looking forward to It.
A blond walks into a library while talking on her phone.
When she gets to the front desk she says, "I will have two cheese burgers and s large french fry."
The librarian looks and her and says, "ma'am, this is a library."
The blond looks around and sees all of the shelves full of books. She is very embarrassed, hangs up her phone, and leans forward to whisper, "I will have two cheese burgers and a large fry."
An army captain approaches a p**... and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...
She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"
Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"
This entire year I was looking forward to being Tom Petty for Halloween
But now going as a zombie is just to basic
I Always Look Forward To Seasonal Depression
I was really looking forward to my weekend "cheat day"
Until my girlfriend told me I could just eat pizza, not sleep with another woman.
To play devil's advocate on this whole Net Neutrality thing...
He's sure looking forward to meeting Ajit Pai
Bringing her home to meet mother
I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.
I'm looking forward to taking part in the sun tanning event in the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games...
I'm going for the Bronze...
All day I have been looking forward to stripping off my wife's clothes
They are way too small for me to wear and it's uncomfortable
At 30 years old I can look forward to 60% of my life ahead of me.
If the battery on my phone drops to 60% I immediately panic and start looking for a place to charge.
An oxygen atom was looking forward to a t**...,
Instead the poor guy got ozoned.
100 women walk into heaven
God greeted them and then said:
-If you've ever looked at your boyfriend's phone without his knowledge to see if he was talking to other women, take 5 steps forward
Ninety-nine of the women take the five steps forward, God then says
-Someone please get the deaf girl
What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
As I sit here eating my pi day pie, I'm looking forward to also celebrating Tau day.
Then my desserts will have come full circle.
I was really looking forward to Disney's portrayal of Rapunzel when Tangled first came out...
...but her hair was such a let down.
I'm looking forward to the heat
Like a gimp looks forward to the beat
Why are blind people looking forward to the year after next?
Because they'll have 2020 vision.
Very much looking forward to McDonalds busting into the assorted nut mix game...
Can't wait to order some Mc D's Nuts
Why do depressed people look down when they walk?
Because they have nothing to look forward to.
He Was Looking Forward to Finally Having His Family for Dinner Over the Weekend
Unfortunately, Mother turned out a tad too dry.
I for one am looking forward to my mid-life crisis. It'll be a nice break from the regular existential crisis I face everyday.
I'm not sure if I look forward to running into some I used to date...
but it sure it Ex-sighting!
I was looking forward to watching the World Origami Championships today
Totally gutted when I found out that it was on paper view only.
I was upset when my girlfriend told me had an abortion...
I was looking forward to being an uncle.
In a strange way, I was really looking forward to the hurricane and I was disappointed when it was downgraded...
I thought others round these here parts would echo my sentiment, but I guess Carolinians are used to being disappointed by the Hurricanes.
Saddened that the Presidential Alert was just a test.
I was looking forward to having a new President.
20/20
I am really looking forward to this year!
Did you here Rebecca Black went to a concert?
She was looking forward to The Weeknd
I sneezed a lot today and not a single sperson said bless you
This jury is harsh. I'm not looking forward to their verdict