Longtime Jokes
13 longtime jokes and hilarious longtime puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about longtime that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Longtime Short Jokes
Short longtime jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The longtime humour may include short lifelong jokes also.
- How many long-time fans does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change it and one to complain that the old one was better.
- My longtime girlfriend broke things off because she said I was too competitive… I don't know what that means but I know who won the I love you more game.
- I had to end things with a long-time friend because he took things too literally. No seriously, he was a huge kleptomaniac.
- Despite being a longtime single dude, I just *know* that legions of ladies want my body. I've got the figure of a Maxim cover girl.
- What do you and the universe have in common? You both started with a Big Bang.
(I've known this joke for a longtime and I don't remember if I made it) - A guys longtime girlfriend broke up with him for playing too many video games... What a dumb thing to Fallout 4.
- RIP to longtime 'the Price is Right' host Bob Barker He's still alive, but he's 95 years old, and I want my guess to be closest without going over.
Share These Longtime Jokes With Friends
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Longtime Jokes
What funny jokes about longtime you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old time jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make longtime pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
Oprah Winfrey's longtime boyfriend, Stedman Graham, has written a new book called 'You Can Make it Happen: A Nine-Step Plan For Success.' Step No. 1: become Oprah Winfrey's boyfriend. Then the other eight are just 'hang around.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The world's oldest recorded joke in history.
I'm a long-time fan of this sub-reddit and frequent up-voter, but I seldomly have anything funny to post, so here is the oldest joke in recorded history, dating back to 1900 BC (almost 4 thousand years ago from ancient Sumeria):
Q: What is something that has never before occurred since time immemorial?
A: A woman not f**... in her husband's lap.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sudden end of a longtime friendship
**Sudden end of a longtime friendship**
*a short story*
Monica was breastfeeding her son
while her best friend Soniya sat nearby...
Monica asked - 'Does my son resemble me or his father?'
Soniya - 'He looks like you, but he s**... exactly like his father!'
**The End**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man returns home from the golf course...
His wife asks him why he no longer plays with j**..., a long-time friend. He replies:"Would you enjoy playing with a swearing, rude cheat?"
His wife says "No, of course not".
Her husband answers:"Well neither does j**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Inmates screaming, throwing f**..., refusing to wear clothes. The sale of 4chan has not been well received by long-time visitors of the site.
