Longest Jokes
155 longest jokes and hilarious longest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about longest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the longest jokes you could tell or hear. It highlights some of the longest running jokes and the longest list of jokes. It also looks at the differences between the worst and shortest jokes. Find out what makes a joke last and which are the longest around.
Quick Jump To
- Short Longest Jokes
- Longest One Liners
- Longest Day Jokes
- Longest Lasting Jokes
- Record Longest Jokes
- Longest Running Jokes
- Longest List Of Jokes
- More Longest Jokes
Funniest Longest Short Jokes
Short longest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The longest humour may include short largest jokes also.
- Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't. It's my longest running joke of the year.
- Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I'm going for a jog and then I don't... It's my longest running joke of the year so far...
- What's the Longest Word in English? Smiles
Cuz both the first and the last letters are a mile apart - What is the longest word in the Spanish language? Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll
- The shortest sentence in the English language is "go." What is the longest? Life without parole
- Longest Drum Solo The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 25 minutes and it was performed by a child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.
- Add a word to ruin a movie: - Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard sale
- Charlottes Web Cam. - The longest drum solo. Was 5 hours and 23 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on United Flight LY51 From Newark to Los Angeles.
- This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is... a Mexican stand off.
- It's my birthday, so here's a related joke. Why are birthdays good for you?
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Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.
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Longest One Liners
Which longest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with longest? I can suggest the ones about shortest and biggest.
- Aaron Hernandez set a new nfl record Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt
- I once dated a welsh girl with 36 DDs. Longest surname I've ever seen.
- What is the longest word? Smiley
There's a mile between S and Y. - How I Met Your Mother... ... is the longest and most popular Ted talk.
- The shortest sentence in the English language is also the longest I do
- What's the worlds longest sentence? I do.
- The longest I've lasted in bed is one hour and two minutes Thanks day light savings
- What do you get for winning the "Staying in Bed the Longest" competition? Atrophy
- Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team? It's a Thai
- what's the longest word in a black man's dictionary? sheeeeeeeeeeeeit..
- Who was the longest sitting U.S. President? Franklin Delano Roosevelt
- What is the longest game of Deal or No Deal? Brexit.
- Chuck Norris hit the longest home run in mlb history He also caught that ball
- The shortest sentence known to man is I Am The longest one is I Do
- What is the longest sentence that a man can make? I do.
Longest Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny longest day jokes and even better longest day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did the summer solstice break a world record? It went the longest day without taking a nap!
- Unfortunately, the longest day of the year is just under a month away... And I still don't know what to get her for her birthday.
- Something tells me I'm in for a long day, . . . like the longest day I've had in a year!
- Coworker: Long day, huh? Me: *looks at calendar* The longest.
- Why is today the longest day? Because it's 24/7
- When was the longest day in the Bible? The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
- During rainy days, I and my lazy dog are competing who sleeps the deepest and the longest. I am the underdog in this fight.
- The longest relationship I had was 10 days. Then she deflated.
- Marvin Gaye and Aretha Franklin got it on in Spanish Harlem. As a result, Aretha gave birth to twin girls on the longest day of the year. What did they call them? Solsticetas
- Coworker: Long day huh? Me: The longest!
Longest Lasting Jokes
Here is a list of funny longest lasting jokes and even better longest lasting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the longest word in the English language? "smiles"...
The first and last letters are a mile apart - What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!
- What is the world's longest lasting STD? Children
- What is the longest word in the English language? Nina:
What is the longest word in the English language?
SoSA:
SMILES: becoz there is a mile between the first and last letters! :P - Did you know that AC/DC made the longest song ever? It lasted 12 albums
- I spent over an hour at my wife's grave yesterday... whew, that was the longest I've ever lasted
- Why do procrastinators live the longest? Because they die at the last second.
- A recent study shows people with trace amounts of Arsenic, Selenium, Astatine, and Erbium have the longest lasting relationships The best couples always have an AsSeAtEr
- What type of dress lasts longest? A house dress. It's never worn out.
- What computer lasts the longest? HP
Record Longest Jokes
Here is a list of funny record longest jokes and even better record longest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They just released the longest album ever It's a new record
- Maybe the ChatGPT servers are just trying to break the world record for longest online conversation.
- Remember the two friends who got the world record for longest staring contest? Yeah? Well turns out they aren't seeing eye to eye anymore.
- A man who breaks the world record for longest survived coma is rewarded with atrophy
- What did the record holder for the world's longest coma get? A trophy
- A man with the biggest lungs may have broken the record for Longest Held Breath . The judges are still adjusting for inflation.
- Did you hear.. Person 1: Did you hear about the man who got the world record for the longest bogey?
Person 2: Nope, who was it?
Person 1: A Scottish man, called Ronnie Knowes. - Spencer Chamberlain holds the Guinness record for longest scream at 17 seconds, with the song "Given Up." He was awarded posthumously.
- Q: Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches Long?
A: Because if it will 12 inches then it will a foot. - What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol? My record is 21 years.
Longest Running Jokes
Here is a list of funny longest running jokes and even better longest running puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Worst thing about this Californian drought... ...the the state has lost its favorite, longest-running Rivers
- yesterday, Judge Thompson issued the longest sentence in the Supreme Court's history, needless to say, it was run-on.
- When they told me the longest race ever had taken nearly 5 hours, I chuckled. I've been running from my responsibilities for 19 years now.
- I haven't run a 5K for the longest time. I usually try to go for the shortest.
Just made this up myself, but someone's probably come up with it before though... - My dads has been on the longest beer run in history I haven't seen him in 12 years
- One of America's Longest Running Gags... Trickle-down Economics
- For the past 9 months, I've been telling my wife every morning that I'm going for a run, only to not do so It's my longest running joke of this year
- Know who have the longest running championship drought in baseball? The Cleveland Indians.
Longest List Of Jokes
Here is a list of funny longest list of jokes and even better longest list of puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jesus is up on the cross, he looks to his left and sees the man there is a vegan, the man to his right is listed as a crossfitter... "Well this is going to be the longest night of my life."
Comical Longest Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about longest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean longer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make longest pranks.
My marriage is over.
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
Who will survive no nut november the longest?
The people with a severe nut allergy
The Longest Memory in the World
One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."
What's the longest word in the world?
Smiles. Because there's a mile between each 'S'.
What do you call a droid that always takes the longest route?
R2 Detour.
For the longest time I hated tumors....
but they are beginning to grow on me.
I googled 'Gary Oldman' and left off the 'r'
It was the longest 3 hours of my life.
Sentences
A man is at a bar and says, "did you know that 'I am' is he shortest sentence in the English language?"
The bartender exclaims, "Did you know 'I do' is the longest one?"
(Was in the comics today so I thought I would share.)
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles.
Because it's two S's with a mile in between.
(My 60 year old co-worker just told me that joke)
What letter has to wait in line the longest?
Q
Two intoxicated hobos were walking on a railroad track.
After a while of struggling, one of them slurred, "This must be the longest staircase in the world." The other replied in a drunken lisp, "That's not so bad. But, what's killing me are these low handrails.
I finally got the confidence to be a peeping tom
For the longest time, I was just beating around the bush
New research shows that birthdays are good for your health
Studies suggest that people with the most birthdays live the longest
NEW study shows that Birthdays are good for your health
Statistics show that people who have more birthdays, live the longest!
When I told my friend how my dad drowned in the longest river on earth, he didn't belive me.
He was in denial.
How to ruin a movie with one word...
**Batman Begins** College
**The Longest Yard** Sale
**Charlotte's Web** Cam
Add your own in the comments!
I feel bad for the homeless guy
"I feel bad for the homeless guy, but I feel really bad the homeless guy's dog, because he must be thinking 'Man, this is the longest walk ever"
A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris
And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research s**..."
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about s**... in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest p**... and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"
I've been friends with my recliner the longest.
We go way back.
What's the world's longest Ted Talk?
How I Met Your Mother
s**... Statistics on a Plane.
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
For the longest time, I thought that you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks.
But he was never able play dead until just now! That rascal won't move no matter *what*
United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...
...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.
What was the prize for the body builder who went the longest time without working out?
aTrophy
What's the longest word in the dictionary?
Smiles, there's a mile between the two s
What's the longest sentence you can think of?
Life.
Perks of dating the woman with the longest fingernails
You can get a h**... and a back scratch with one hand.
An attractive woman was reading The History of p**... on the bus the other day...
... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"
She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest p**... in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"
She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"
A man goes to a bar
He sits down at the closest empty spot with the longest face you can imagine. The bartender asks him what's up while giving him his beer. He says with the saddest voice: "me and my wife had a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month". Understanding his struggles the bartender says he must really love his wife and miss her. "No" he says, "today is the last day".
Win some beer...
So a guy came into a bar and saw these small stripes at the very end of the table. He asked the bartender what for they were used.
The bartender replied "the men that just left measured their d!cks, the one with the longest got a free beer."
The guy said he could do better, so he went to the side with the stripes, put his d!c**... on the table and screamed "I won, free beer for me!"
On what the bartender replied: "They were playing from the other side of the table."
How long is the longest river in Africa?
I don't know, but it goes on for niles!
A man was diagnosed with cancer.
Man: "Wow, Doc, how bad is it?"
Doctor: "Well, you're at the extreme end of stage 4 pancreatic cancer. You've only got about 3 months to live."
Man: "Oh no! Is there anything I can do?"
Doctor: "Well, I'd suggest moving to Arkansas and becoming a pig farmer."
Man: "Really? That would cure my cancer?"
Doctor: "Oh no, of course not. But it will be the longest three months of your life."
At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.
It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?
I said, The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.
Everyone then looked at my husband and he said, She's probably right.
The British use the phrase "Long live the queen," & the queen is the longest lived monarch in history.
So you'd think they would have realized that they would have realized there might be an issue always saying Princess Di...
People kept insisting that I was swimming in the world's longest river .
I couldn't believe it. I was in de Nile.
What is the longest part of a woman's body?
Her legs. They go from the floor all the way to paradise.
I once met a guy who asked me aren't you that guy who brags about really weird, specific stuff?
I then replied No, I'm the guy with the longest garden hose in the county. 1
I saw Mission Impossible: Fallout yesterday.
It's probably the longest iPhone commercial I'll ever watch.
A man had a terminal illness.
His doctor says he only had six months to live and there is only one treatment. The doctor tells him he had to marry a woman that yells at him constantly and move to Kansas.
Will it help? asks the man.
No, says the doctor, but it will be the longest six months of your life.
What is one of the longest living species of beetle?
Paul McCartney
The longest US sitting president...
would have been Franklin D. Roosevelt.
It's official this government shutdown is now longest ever
I guess president Trump is really best at something
There was a competition to find who could last the longest without m**....
I came first.
A man goes to the doctor and finds out he only has three months to live...
He says, "but Doc...three months isn't enough TIME!"
The doctor pauses and thinks. Then he says, "Stay home every day, all day long with your wife and kids - no office, restaurtants, movies, or shopping...and only leave the house once a week for groceries...."
"Trust me, it will be the LONGEST three months of your life !"
A Mother found out her daughter is pregnant
A Mother found out her daughter is pregnant, she confronted her.
"How did this happen? I told you to take measures"
"I did took measures and went with the longest one."
I feel bad for the Homeless guy, but I really feel bad for the Homeless guys Dog..
He must be thinking, "This is the longest walk ever"
My wife said she found my first gray hair, but I didn't believe her for the longest time. Then when I was brushing my teeth this morning I saw it in the mirror, on the left side of my mustache.
It was right under my nose this whole time.
What's the longest sentence in the English language?
"I do"
Pretty ironic they used to sacrifice virgins to call down rain
Considering they're known for having the longest dry spells.
