Longest Day Jokes

The Longest Memory in the World

One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."

The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating.

So, to no one's surprise, Russians are pretty racist. My Belorussian girlfriend just told me this one, and insists that it's funny.
The Soviets decided that they wanted to see which ethnic group could go the longest without eating. They lock a Russian, a Ukrainian, a Belorussian and a "Chukcha" (Inuit) in different rooms, and tell them to call on the phone when they get hungry. One day passes and the Russian calls, two days go by and the Belarussian calls, three days gone and the Ukrainian calls. Then four, five, six days pass, and still no call from the Chukcha. The authorities go and see how he's doing, and they find an emaciated man barely clinging to life, calling out "phone, phone."
For the Russian speakers, he calls out - "телефона телефона, чукча кушать хочет."

A Bible group study leader says to his group, “What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks left before the great Judgment Day?” A gentleman says, ”I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.” “Very good!” says the group leader. One lady speaks up and says enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.” “That's wonderful!” the group leader comments. One gentleman in the back finally speaks up loudly and says, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the four weeks.” The group leader asks, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?” “Because that will make it the longest four weeks of my life!”