Longer Jokes
155 longer jokes and hilarious longer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about longer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Go beyond the shorter one-liners and explore some of the longer jokes. From longer than normal cat jokes to longer Christian jokes and everything in between, this article provides a collection of funny jokes of indefinite length that make for some of the longest laughs.
Quick Jump To
- Short Longer Jokes
- Longer One Liners
- Lasting Longer Jokes
- Lasted Longer Than Jokes
- Longer Christian Jokes
- Longer Cat Jokes
- Longer Than Jokes
- More Longer Jokes
Funniest Longer Short Jokes
Short longer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The longer humour may include short shorter jokes also.
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;) - How many apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.
- Now that Facebook changed their name to Meta, FAANG is not longer a valid abbreviation of the biggest 5 tech companies. I'd like to suggest MANGA
- The show "COPS" is no longer filmed honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras
- I will never date a girl who doesn't understand algebra jokes That's why my x is no longer in the equation
- The movie titanic turns 25 later this year. In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.
- Ever since I installed Adblocker Plus things haven't been going so well.. All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me.
- How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented
- What's the difference between a teabag and the German national team? The teabag stays in the cup longer
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Longer One Liners
Which longer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with longer? I can suggest the ones about lengthy and larger.
- Why did Obama get two terms? Because black men always get a longer sentence
- When I was young, I was poor. After many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
- Roy Moore is no longer interested in this year.. Because it's officially '18
- Ladies...No guy has ever said... I'd screw her, if her eyelashes were a little longer.
- What is it called when a chameleon can no longer change colors? A reptile dysfunction.
- Bad news about shortbread! They're not making it any longer.
- I first noticed I was going bald When it took longer and longer to wash my face.
- You remember those yardsticks? They don't make them any longer.
- They say that when you die you become closer to God Because you no longer exist
- What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?? Irene
- Don't stare at a glass of water Take a pitcher it'll last longer
- What burns longer, a red or a green candle? Neither, they both burn shorter.
- What is the best thing about liquid soap? It takes longer to pick up.
- When I was young I was poor, but after decades of hard work I'm no longer young.
- When I was young, I was very poor. After years of struggle, I'm no longer young.
Lasting Longer Jokes
Here is a list of funny lasting longer jokes and even better lasting longer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many of Trump's cabinet members does it take to change a light bulb? I dunno, none of them have lasted longer than a light bulb.
- My wife told me her period was lasting several days longer than normal. I said, Sounds more like an ellipsis...
- What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass? Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!
- Have you heard of the TV show about kamikaze attacks? It didn't last longer than the pilot
- The best part of getting covid Milk lasts longer
- FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. excellent condition $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything. - Wanna last longer in bed? Forget to set an alarm
- My wife asked me to get something that would give me bigger, harder, longer lasting erections. Apparently she didn't mean "a 23-year-old girlfriend".
- I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water. Take a pitcher it will last longer
- Last night my wife told me, "That was entertaining. I wish it was longer..." "Now I have to wait another year until Stranger Things season 3"
Lasted Longer Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny lasted longer than jokes and even better lasted longer than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between YouTube and Redtube? My YouTube experience lasts longer than 10 seconds.
- Why do hospitals have air conditioning that makes it so cold? It's because vegetables last longer when kept chilled.
- LPT: How to last longer in bed Don't set an alarm.
- What do Tom Brady and Rhonda Rousey have in common? Both struggle to last longer than a minute with a Brazilian woman.
- I wish I lasted longer in bed Right now I'm feeling so sleep deprived
- Try this one trick to last longer in bed! Throw out your alarm clock.
- A boy was at a lemonade stand. He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".
- A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time making her uncomfortable. The bartender says, Why don't you take a pitcher? It'll last longer.
- As I stared at my grandpa on his deathbed not knowing what to say, he turned to me and mumbled "take my picture... it'll last longer."
- Thanks to The Last Jedi... I am no longer the biggest disappointment in my fathers life anymore
Longer Christian Jokes
Here is a list of funny longer christian jokes and even better longer christian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the Christian convert quit his job at the sewer company? Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.
- They say that Republicans no longer embody the Christian values they preach... That's a little unfair if you ask me. They follow the golden rule perfectly. Whoever has the gold, rules.
- Why can't Christians stay in court longer than a week? Because on the seventh day they rest their case.
- Why is Batman no longer religious? Because he Christian Baled.
Longer Cat Jokes
Here is a list of funny longer cat jokes and even better longer cat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Speaking of PET scans, did you guys hear about the new law they passed in Oregon where dogs can no longer operate MRI machines? Apparently cats can.
- How many cats can be put in an empty box? Only one, it's no longer empty after the first
- Woman say that married men live longer, Well an indoor cat also lives longer.
- Inside every cat's heart... is a list of f*cks that it no longer gives
Longer Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny longer than jokes and even better longer than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Birthdays are good for your health Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer.
- Wheel Chair bound congressman Madison Cawthorn lost his primary tonight. Now it's not just his doctors telling him that he can no longer run.
- *burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid
DOCTOR: You mean constipated
ME: No I've had a vowel movement
DOCTOR: Get out - A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
- My wife woke up with a big smile on her face... I'm not allowed to bring Sharpies to bed any longer.
- Today is International Women's Day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get dressed.
- I just melted an ice cube by staring at it. Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.
- Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other? Its because one side has more geese.
- It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than... ...men who point that out.
- Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Fun-Filled Longer Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about longer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean longest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make longer pranks.
My brother's doctor says he can no longer play
video games, and he's taking it very hard
He's inconsolable
Good eyes
A woman standing in front of a mirror and telling her husbband: "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. But will you still give me a compliment?
The husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent".
A man walks into a bar....
...sits down, orders a beer, and begins to gaze longingly at the barmaid. The barmaid hands him the beer, returns the stare and says...
"Take a pitcher, it'll last longer."
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than s**...?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a h**....
Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed...
...because they couldn't read them.
English Weather
I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.
A man walks into a barbershop...
...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."
The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."
The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."
"Doctor, tell me, if I quit drinking will, will I live longer?"
"It will definitely feel longer. "
How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.
I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology...
... The biggest difference is that the phrase "my server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.
I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine.
It just didn't make cents.
Doctor, How can I live longer than 100 years?
Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Do you smoke?
No.
Do you eat too much?
No.
Do you go to bed late?
No.
Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
No.
Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?
I used to work in food service, now I work in IT
The biggest difference is the phrase "My server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.
A horse walks into a bar...
"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from s**... in the City."
136 days!
Three guys are celebrating in a bar.
They keep high-fiving each other and yelling, " " " "
They are so excited, the bartender can't stand it any longer.
"Hey," he says, "what are you guys celebrating?"
"We finished a jigsaw puzzle!" says one of them.
"You finished a jigsaw puzzle???" says the bartender. "How come that's so exciting?"
"Well, it said on the box 'Four to six years'!"
What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman?
Their criminal record.
My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?"
One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."
If you are over 40, it's no longer called m**...
If you are over 40, it's no longer called m**....
It's called a system check.
Today has been the best day of my life as I am no longer a 30 year old v**...!
I turned 31 today.
After seven years of medical training and hard work
my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
The policeman asked me why I keep beating my wife...
I told him I have a longer reach and superior footwork.
A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.
The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.
Grammar n**... no longer exist
Their called the Alt-Write now
Why did Obama get two terms as President?
Because every black man gets a longer sentence.
Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...
Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then comes back to resume his place in line. The other guy says "so, did you do it?" He says "no, the line there was even longer than this one."
two foreigners in america are applying for citizenship
They're lined up outside the Citizenship and immigration office, along with many others, not wanting to risk deportation now that Trump is in office.
>Guy #1: I've had enough of this waiting, save my place, I'm going to shoot Donald Trump myself.
several hours later he returns.
>Guy #2: well? did you get him?
>Guy #1: no, The line for that was even longer than the one here.
I walked into the doctor's office one day.
"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.
I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"
Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."
I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"
It's scientifically proven that birthdays are good for your health.
The more of them you have, the longer you live.
I'm no longer a 23 year old v**...
I just turned 24.
Finally, I am no longer a 21 year-old v**...
As of today I am a 22 year-old one!
Society is full of double standards
For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half n**..., singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"
But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".
The perfect shot.
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..
They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It's not because they're worried about spies cracking the codes. It's just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can't tweet them out.
Women, do you want longer lashes?
All you have to do is show an ankle in Saudi Arabia
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
Guess who's no longer a 24 year old v**......
...i turned 25 yesterday.
Julie Andrews withdraws her endorsement
Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.
In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."
My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.
I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.
A horse walks into a bar...
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.
If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.
I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Two men are standing in line in Russia
One says to the other "What is this line for?"
"Toilet paper" his friend replies.
"I'm SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life! ", he says. "I'm going to go kill Putin."
He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours. His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper. "Why are you back?", he asks. "Did you kill Putin?"
"No", the man replies, "The line for that was longer than this one!"
My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.
So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.
b**... are like the sun.
You can stare at em longer if you're wearing sunglasses.
My friend was mad at me because I ate all the chips at her party
I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them
Mid life career change
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up. "Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says. "How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks. "Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that the phase 'My server went down on me,' is no longer a good thing," the guy replies.
A woman awakens from a coma, no longer pregnant.
"Congratulations! You delivered a boy and a girl!" The nurse said.
"That's great! Who named them?" She asked.
"Your husband did. He named the boy Jason."
"I like that. What about the girl?"
"Jadaughter."
I used "MyDick" as a password and got this error:
"Try something longer"
A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig.
The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.
A Russian worker standing in a liquor line says: I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.
Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line.
His friends ask, Did you get him?
No, the line there was even longer than the line here.
doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right
doctor: you no longer have legs...
me: just like a shark.
BREAKING NEWS ! Mary Poppins will no longer be endorsing 'Rimmel Vibrant Shades' lipstick - she claims it breaks too easily and it makes her breath smell .
She gave the following statement:
The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis ..
Finally, I'm no longer a 40 year old v**....
I just turned 41.
When I was young, I was poor… But after years of hard, honest and painstaking work,
I am no longer young!
A man goes to the white house and asks to talk to president Trump.
A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The man then leaves.
The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president".
This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president".
b**... are like the sun
If you wear sunglasses you can stare at them longer.
(I don't know if this has already been posted here before, sorry if it has)
