Long Winded Jokes
16 long winded jokes and hilarious long winded puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long winded that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Long Winded Short Jokes
Short long winded jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long winded humour may include short lengthy jokes also.
- A man giving a long-winded speech finally says,…. "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you." - Earlier today my friend asked me how long I'v been married. I told him 15 years but with the wind chill it feels like 30
- I would tell you guys a long-winded tale involving the singers of "It Wasn't Me" and "Drop It Like It's Hot"... ...but I don't think you guys would have time to read yet another Shaggy/Dogg story.
- What did the Green Day fan say to the Earth, Wind, and Fire fan who wanted to play his his long list of music? Wake me up when 'September' ends
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Long Winded One Liners
Which long winded one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with long winded? I can suggest the ones about long length and windy.
- How long does it take for a Jew to get 100 meters far? It depends on the wind strength.
Charming Humor Long Winded Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about long winded you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean long story jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make long winded pranks.
The perfect shot.
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
and oldie but a goodie
back in ancient china, before the populations number a million, a monk lived near his friend, who was on the other side of the river. he wrote a long poem, full of phrases like "the seven winds could not move me" and was very proud of it. he sent it to his friend via dove.
when his friend sent it back, he had written one word in the corner of the scroll "f**..." fuming, the monk stomped over to his friend's dwelling and demanded an explanation. to this his friend simply said "the seven winds could not move you, and yet a single f**... sends you all the way across the river"
Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.
After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don't think Santa has ever pushed us so hard! .
The second one added, Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen were even called in to work on the assembly line.
The first one got an odd look on his face and said, Well, that explains why those Raisinets I found on the floor tasted so strange.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wanted to bring back toilet humour...
...So I set out to write a new f**... joke. I decided not to share it because it was too long winded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did I ever tell you about the time I had a f**... that lasted for an entire minute?
It's a long-winded story.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...
As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a b**... building a dam.
The young deer asked his mother, Why is the b**... building a dam?
His mother responded, Not for long. Watch and learn, son.
The mother then proceeded to destroy and wreak havoc on the dam the b**... had built, destroying it in the process. All the branches and sticks were gone with the wind.
Frank Lee was distraught and started to panic. You didn't have to do that, mother!
The mother calmly responded, Frank Lee, my deer, I don't give a dam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...
As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a b**... building a dam.
The young deer asked his mother, Why is the b**... building a dam?
His mother responded, Not for long. Watch and learn, son.
The mother then proceeded to destroy and wreak havoc on the dam the b**... had built, destroying it in the process. All the branches and sticks were gone with the wind.
Frank Lee was distraught and started to panic. You didn't have to do that, mother!
The mother calmly responded, Frank Lee, my deer, I don't give a dam.
A guy walks into a bar after a long day.
I thought this up today. My exhausted mind thought it was funny as well as my slap-happy friends.. we were all a bit out of it. Anyway..
This guy is walking home after a really long, hard day. He decides to stop by his favorite bar to wind down a bit.
He walks in and sits at the counter and the bartender comes up asks,
"What can I get you today? The usual?".
At this, the man replies,
"No, today I need something a bit stronger.. it's been such a long week. You know what I really want? I just need to smash something over my head, that should get my frustrations out."
The bartender gave the man a shocked expression. He stared at him for a moment, then shook his head and shrugged. He reached around and grabbed an empty bottle and said as he handed it to the man,
"Here you go. Knock yourself out."
Today, I got up early...
...put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee, grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
She sleepily replied, 'I know, can you believe my husband is out golfing in that stuff?'
A rather long winded joke, read all of it to get the punchline...
Right, so there was this guy that lost his eye in a car accident, and after losing it he hadn't been out of his house much, aside from having to go shopping, because he was so embarrassed. One day his friends come over to his house, and they say "look man, you've got to come to the dance next week, it'll be fun, and you haven't done anything in ages." The man stubbornly refuses, until his friends stop pestering him about it, but the next day, they come back, and say "well, we've got a bit if a surprise for you... We've put together enough money to buy you a fake eye." The man says "that's great! thanks so much!" His friends then say, "but, you have to promise to come to the dance once you've got one. The man thinks it over, he's still a bit embarrassed, but eventually agree. So the man and his friends drive to the eye store and walk up to the man at the counter. "Hello," says one of the eyeless mans friends, "we're here to buy a fake eye for our friend here, do you have any in stock?" The nan at the counter says "we certainly do, and walks into the back of the shop, returning later with a box of beautiful glass eyes. "These a very good quality eyes," the man said "they're hand painted, and we have a match for pretty much any eye colour. "Great!" Says one of the mans friends, "how much do they cost?" "Well" says the man at the counter, "these are very good quality, so you're looking at around $1500 to $2000" "well" says the mans friend, "we don't really have that much to spend... Do you have any others?" "Certainly," says the man at the counter who puts the lid back on the glass eyes, walks into the back of the shop, coming back with a box full of plastic eyes. "These ones are also hand painted, but they aren't as well-painted as the glass eyes, and they aren't quite as matching, but they are still rather indistinguishable from normal eyes. "Right," say the mans friends, "how much do they cost?" "Um... These," says the salesman "will cost around $900" "sorry," says the man to his friend, "but we don't have quite enough for those, either. Do you have any more?" He says, turning back to the man at the counter. "We do have some wood eyes, says the man at the counter," he then produces a box from under the counter. "These wood eyes aren't hand painted, and won't be able to get a really good colour match, but we can find a passable colour, I'm sure." Says the man at the counter, " and they'll only cost about $120" "right" says the eyeless mans friend, "we'll take this one then." He takes a dark green eye from the box, and gives it to his friend, handing the man at the counter the money. The friends drive home, trying to cheer the eyeless man up, as they eye isn't entirely convincing. "It's okay," says the eyeless mans friend it'll be fine, it won't even be that light at the dance, and your eye won't show." So the man reluctantly goes to the dance the next week. Once arriving at the dance, the man sits alone in a corner until everyone else has a dance partner. The mans three friends come over to him, and encourage him to get a partner, "how about her over there?" The mans friend points to a woman sitting alone in a corner on the other side of the room. "Come on," prompts his friend "you can't have come all this way for nothing." "Alright," says the man, "I'll ask her to dance. As he walks over he realises the lady has a bit of a hunch back, and starts having second thoughts. "I'm no better" says the man to himself, and someone's up his courage and asks her to dance. "Would you like to have an dance" asks the man. "Would I!? Would I!?" Asks the woman. "Hunch back! Hunch back! Yells the man and runs back to the corner.