Long Periods Jokes
41 long periods jokes and hilarious long periods puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long periods that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Long Periods Short Jokes
Short long periods jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long periods humour may include short long length jokes also.
- Why was the cold war such a long period with little fighting? Because the Russian President was Stalin.
- Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Why don't women stay long in prison? As soon as they have their period they are let out.
Everyone knows a period comes at the end of a sentence. - Did you hear about the English teacher who went to prison for so long she went through menopause? She was most upset that there would be no period at the end of her sentence.
- Babe, you're like a star that burns brighter than 1000 suns. Because your period is about a week long.
- I saw a front page post today about a woman who hasn't experienced a period in 15 years. That's one long sentence.
- Bad joke X squared +10 and a needle beginning with a t and a really long period of time or a billion years in science is upside down Pepsi bottle
- My girlfriend just text me that she really hates periods... I told her without them, life would just be one long run-on-sentence
- Saliva Causes Cancer. But only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Long Periods One Liners
Which long periods one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with long periods? I can suggest the ones about longtime and long term.
- Tampax has been protecting women for 80 years. That's quite a long period.
- Why won't women ever play in the NHL? Because the periods would take too long.
- How was the red sea made? Over a very long period
- How was the Red Sea formed? Over a long period.
- How long is the sentence if you don't have a period? 18 years.
- Why can't you exercise for a long period? Because you start growing tired of it.
- I get b**... for long periods of time Doctors say it's in my jeans
Ridiculous Long Periods Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about long periods you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lengthy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make long periods pranks.
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't," he replied.
Mental institution
There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.
He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.
He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and sees h**.... He asks if he can sit with him and ask him some questions, h**... obliges. After a while the man works up the courage to ask more serious questions.
"How many people did you kill?" asks the man.
"Six million jews and one birthday clown" h**... answers.
The man's eyes widen.
"Why the clown?" the man asked, after a long period of silence.
h**... laughs. "I was only joking. See, nobody cares about the Jews!"
So we all know about Gandhi right?
Well Gandhi as well know was a very important person who in recent times has taken on a mystic quality to some. He often fasted for long periods of time making him rather weak and fragile, he went barefoot for long periods of time and so it's fair to assume he built up lots and lots of callouses and he was reported at one point to have very bad breath because of a gum disease. This all means he was a...
Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis
At the dawn of the Stone Age…
Og the caveman noticed that after a long period of darkness the sun would rise, traverse across the sky and then sink below the horizon.
Then darkness… until the sun would again rise once again, travel across the sky and sink below the horizon.
Again and again. Over and over.
Og wished to give a name to this event.
He thought long and hard. He tried all
sorts of words until his brain hurt and his tongue lolled in his mouth.
He tried every variation of sounds he could think of until he was exhausted.
In the end, utterly exhausted, he just gave up and called it a day.
God thought long and hard what to name the period of time when the sun was not visible...
Finally, after many hours of trying different sounds and variations he named it night.
But when naming the opposite, he was exhaust and called it a day.
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students
one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our c**... doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?"
The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."
Historians now think that Gandhi wasn't starving himself in protest
Although he did not eat for long periods of time, which may look like fasting, It it now hypothesized that he was just trying African food.
Ex-Wife
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
Ex-Wife.....
An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
He replied, "I wasn't."
Ex-Wife
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
Topical Jokes for 1/24
SkyMall Magazine has filed for bankruptcy. SkyMall blamed the decline in sales on the fact that s**... people have run out of money.
Scientists have proved that hearing jokes and the voices of family members helps coma patients wake up faster. One family started doing a comedy show, and the coma patient sprinted out of the hospital.
In New Hampshire, four bears died after they overdosed on chocolate bait. Even more tragic, one of the bear's New Year's Resolutions was to eat better.
A study has revealed that sitting for long periods increases your risk of death. It's especially lethal if you sit for a period longer than 100 years.
Cubans hope that improved relations with the US will also bring better internet access. To give you an idea of how slow Cuba's internet is, they're still waiting for Gangnam Style to load.
Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend
Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.
His wife was standing there watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we
are married I think it's time you quit golfing.
Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
Jim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong ?"
There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.
"Ex-wife !" she screams,
"I didn't know you were married before !"
"I wasn't !"
Perceptions vary
Following World War II, a general and his lieutenant boarded a British train. They sat across from an attractive young lady and her grandmother. As the train departed, it entered a long tunnel. Total darkness encompassed the train for approximately thirty seconds. In the darkness of those moments, the passengers heard two things - a kiss and a slap. Everyone on board had his or her own outlook of what happened. For example . . .
The young lady assumed to herself, "While I'm flattered that the handsome lieutenant kissed me, I'm embarrassed that my grandmother slapped him."
The grandmother supposed, "I'm disappointed with the lieutenant, but I'm proud that my granddaughter had the courage to hit him."
The general thought, "What in the world . . . why did my lieutenant kiss that civilian young lady and why did she slap me by mistake?"
The lieutenant was the only person on that train who really knew what happened. In that brief period of total darkness, he had the opportunity to kiss an attractive young lady, as well as slap a general.
I could see me saying something like this...
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't. "
3 kinds of married s**...:
Before I got married, my grandpa pulled me aside and asked me if I knew everything I needed to know about s**.... I told him I did, but he proceeded to educate me on the 3 kinds of s**... I could expect now that I was going to have a wife.
"For the first 6 months to a year, you're going to be having 'Anywhere' s**...," he told me. "That's where you'll do it in the kitchen, in the car, on the couch... anywhere."
"After that, there's a long period of 'Bedroom' s**.... That's where you do it two or three times a month. Always in the bedroom, usually with the lights off. Finally, " he said, "comes 'Hallway' s**...."
"What's that, Pappy?" I said.
"That's where you pass each other in the hall and say, 'Fuck you'."
A couple are in bed...
Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would have to."
"What about playing golf, would you play golf with him?"
"I love golf, so sure, I would play golf with him."
"Would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
Ex-Wife
An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
He replied, "I wasn't."