Long Neck Jokes
38 long neck jokes and hilarious long neck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long neck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Long Neck Short Jokes
Short long neck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long neck humour may include short big neck jokes also.
- A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender asks, "You want a long neck?"
The giraffe says, "I have a choice?" - A great big bird with a long neck strapped me into a chair and put a gun to my head. I guess you could say I was held ostrich.
- The two women at the kissing booth made a bet to see who could raise the most money All day long it was neck and neck
- Giraffe have long necks for a reason. Do you know why giraffe have long necks?
Because they have stinky feet. - I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but was sent a big goat with a long neck instead. Turns out I had phoned Dial-a-Llama.
- Did you hear about the disfigured reggae musician with the 3 foot long neck? His name is Jah Raff
- A giraffe walks into a bar... The bartender says "long neck".
The giraffe surprised says "how did you know my order?"
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Long Neck One Liners
Which long neck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with long neck? I can suggest the ones about long nose and strong neck.
- Why are giraffes' necks so long? Because their heads are so far from their bodies.
- Why does the giraffe have a long neck? Because it has smelly feet.
- What do you call a blonde actor with a long neck? Charlize Heron
- What do you call an animal with a long neck and a love for oranges? A Jiraffa.
- what do you call a black person with a big and long neck? A Necker
- Why did the giraffe have such a long face? Becuase he thought his neck was his face!
- God's first concept for a long-n**... quadriped was just a rough giraffe.
- Why do giraffes have long necks? Because their feet stink.
- TIL Giraffe p**... are 40in. long Which explains their log necks
Great Long Neck Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about long neck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean long head jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make long neck pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy escape from prision
A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teenager sits next to an old man on a bench...
... and the old man will not stop staring at him. The kid had a long, spiky mohawk that was different colors. His arms and neck were covered in tattoos, and multiple piercings in his nostrils and ears.
Finally, the kid, sick of the old man staring at him says, "What's the matter old man? Ain't you never done anything crazy in your life?"
Without missing a beat the old man replies, "When I was young I got drunk and had s**... with a peacock once - I was wondering if you were my son."
Close enough
Teacher ask the class , which animal lives in India and Africa with a long nose and loves water, a kid answers the Hippopotamus.
The elephant , close enough but i like the way you think.
He asks again,which animal lives in Africa has a long neck and feathers?
A kid answers giraffe!
the ostrich, close enough, but i like the way you think.
Little Johny raises his hand , the teachers asks him what?
I have something in my pants, long with a round red head.
You are expelled from class!
Close enough,it's a Match, but i like the way you think.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What to Wear
A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. 'Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. 'Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. 'Let me tell you a story,' replied the rabbi. 'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most s**... negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'
The man protested: 'What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?' The rabbi responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get s**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A prisoner escaped..
And snuck inside a house nearby.
The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.
The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.
The man said to the woman "that guy is an escapee from the prison nearby, he's been in prison for such a long time that he's so thirsty for s**.... I can tell it from the way he kissed your neck. No matter what happens let him do whatever he wants or else he will kill us! Be strong honey, i love you!"
Then the woman replied..
"He didn't kiss me honey, he whispered to me that he thinks you're cute and asked me if we have some lubricant. I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong honey, i love you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is in bed with a man she shouldn't be with
Her husband is away on a business trip. Suddenly she hears the sound of the front door opening, her husband is back earlier than she expected.
"Quick! Hide in the bathroom!", she says to the man in her bed, he scampers off quickly.
The husband walks into the bedroom and sees his wife n**.... Thinking on her feet she says "You must have had a long journey, come to bed and make love to me."
"That sounds great, I'll just have a quick shower, let me pop to the bathroom."
He opens the door and is confronted with a man, barefoot to the neck, looking into the distance, clapping with his arms outstretched.
The husband asks "Who are you?"
"From the council", the man replied, "your wife phoned us up and said you had a moth problem"
"But you're not wearing any clothes?!"
The man suddenly looked down at his n**... body and looking shocked he exclaimed: "The b**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My essay on sick, long n**... mammals had lots of errors in it.
My teacher said it was a rough giraffe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'd had enough. I decided to kill my wife.
But I couldn't do it myself, so I asked around. I eventually heard of a big guy named Arty who kills people for $1. All you have to do is give him a picture and place of work. I found him, gave him the dollar and a picture of my wife.
"She works at Walmart", I said.
He just shook his head, got up, and left. Just like that. I wasn't there, but people say he grabbed her by the t**... and started choking her. It wasn't long before a security guard rushed over. Arty was so big he grabbed both of them. One neck per hand. And killed them both.
It's hard to believe but it's true. They even ran a story about it in the local paper. "Arty chokes 2 for $1 at Walmart".
God allows animals to ask him one question...
The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.
The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.
The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man moves to the middle of nowhere...
A man buys some land in Wyoming so he can be alone. One day he is working on his house whenever he sees the dust from a truck coming down his long driveway. Finally the truck pulls in, and a man gets out. "I thought I'd welcome you to the area," says the guy from the truck. "I figured since you're new to this neck of the woods, I'd invite you to a little shindig. I really think you're gonna like it. There's gonna be drinkin', fightin' and f**...'." The new guy says, "Wow, that really sounds like some party. Who all is coming?" The guy from the truck looks him in the eyes, "Just you n me."
This joke is courtesy of my 65 year old barber.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest
... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my t**... and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"
The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,
"Have you ever puked?"
Tried translating a joke from Latvian.
John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.
"Well, I saw a giraffe."
"What's a giraffe?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck."
"Okay, what else?"
"Zebra."
"Zebra?"
"Well, you know horses?"
"Yeah."
"It's like a horse, but with stripes."
"Okay, what else then?"
"I saw a hippo. "
"What's that?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a horse, but big and fat."
"Hm. Okay. Anything else?"
"Yes... a crocodile."
"What's a crocodile?"
"You know horses?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing like one."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother in law and stairs
Two old friends meet each other after a long time:
A: Oh hey, what's new?
B: Nothing much, my mother in law died.
A: Oh really, d**..., how?
B: She went downstairs to the basement to get some potatoes for lunch, fell and broke her neck.
A: That's tragic, what did you do then?
B: We ordered pizza.
