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Long Hair Jokes

96 long hair jokes and hilarious long hair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long hair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Long Hair Short Jokes

Short long hair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long hair humour may include short big hair jokes also.

  1. I understand now why women have long hair If I had to pay as much for a haircut, I'd put it off too.
  2. How can you tell Odin's sons apart? Thor has long, golden, amazing hair.
    His brother is Balder.
  3. The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines! - Old age
    - grey hair
    - General decrease of diseases
  4. I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."
  5. Ugh... My hair has never been this long before, and all the salons are closed due to the pandemic. I wish I had emo hair... ...so it would cut itself.
  6. My hair is so long, it started growing it's own hair. Don't take that too seriously, it's metafollicle.
  7. I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye
  8. Why did Princess Leia take so long to find her hair brush? She kept looking for it in Alderaan places.
  9. My hairs been getting long lately, my family keeps telling me to cut it, but I dont know... Its kinda been growing on me
  10. someone asked me if i liked having long hair... i told them i didn't at first but it kinda grew on me.

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Long Hair One Liners

Which long hair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with long hair? I can suggest the ones about straight hair and back hair.

  1. You know what I dread? The long hair of Jamaicans
  2. I don't like having long hair... ...but it's kind of growing on me
  3. I should cut my long lockdown hair, but I just can't It's really been growing on me
  4. As a man, I was unsure if I'd enjoy having long hair.. But it grew on me
  5. Wanna hear a pun about long hair? Rapunzel.
  6. My friend told me that my hair was getting pretty long I said it was growing on me
  7. Jesus was a hippie He had sandals, long hair and he died hugging a tree
  8. Why do teachers hate boys with long hair? Because they are infringing the school rules!
  9. What's long , black and hairy Black Hair
  10. why do italian women wear long black gloves? to cover up their long black hair
  11. What do you call long hairs on a dog? Dog hairs.
Long Hair joke, What do you call long hairs on a dog?

Silly Long Hair Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about long hair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean natural hair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make long hair pranks.

Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping.

As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold beer would go down great tonight!" "Indeed," the other nun replies, "but how can we show up with beer at the check-out counter?" "Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier is surprised when he sees the beer, but the one nun is ready with an explanation. "We use the beer to wash our hair" she says. "At the convent, we call it 'Catholic shampoo.'" Without hesitation the cashier bends down, grabs a package of pretzels, and throws it in one of the nuns' groceries bags, saying "The curlers are on the house."

A guy is sitting in a bar; absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress.
Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink.
"How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him.
They strike up a wonderful conversation.
Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you will ply out of me with liquor."
He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place."
"Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked.
"Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "

Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".

A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."

Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

If it took a baby that long to exit the w**..., as it is taking the UK to exit the EU...

Baby's head would be so large that scientists would come to its house and do experiments on it. The head would be primarily bone, almost 99%, and weigh upwards of 85 pounds. It would be a 16 pound baby, carried by its mom to full term plus eight months, born at 17 months, with full head of hair, and a full head of teeth.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.
The father responded, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What am I?

I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A plane passes through a fierce storm...

In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of s**... in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! I've had it! Is there ANYONE on the plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman in front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous — tall, built with long, flowing balck hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and he extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: "Iron this."

Texas: The Miracle State

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.
"Say, is this really a healthy place?"
"It sure is," the man replied.
"When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said Bill. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."

Went out with a bang...

A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instructed. Every morning for the rest of his life, he added a pinch of gun powder to his oatmeal.
He grew up, lived happily, enjoyed perfect health, and died at the ripe old age of 107.
According to the story in the newspaper, he left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

Chris says to his father.

"Dad I just passed my drivers test and I was wondering if you could help me buy my first car".
His father said he'd make a deal with his son
"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.
Then we'll talk about the car.'"
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said
"Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said,
"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair…and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
The Dad replied:
'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?'

Asked for advice about dating, a father tells his son, "Son, the object of dating is to score...

"And to do that," he continues, "you have to give the girl something nice. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or
chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"
So, taking his father's advice, the son showed up for his first date with flowers AND chocolates. She was so flattered and pleased that she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him, rubbed her fingers through his hair -- it was the best kiss he could imagine.
Right after the kiss, he turned and bolted away.
"Oh! I'm sorry!" the girl called after him. "I didn't mean to scare you away!"
"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to buy you some jewelry!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My buddy has big news...

He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

How long is your hair?

I'm not sure, I've never measured it.
But off the top of my head, I'd say four inches.

A musician dies and goes to heaven

there he sees an old guy with long white hair and a beard swinging his arms and gesticulating like crazy.
"Who's that?" he asks.
"Oh, him" Saint Peter sighs "That's God. He's turned crazy. Megalomanical! He thinks he's Herbert von Karajan!"

This kid passed his driving test . . . .

This kid passed his driving test and said to his dad:
"How about me borrowing the family car dad?"
His dad said:
"You get your grades up to a B, read your Bible a little more and get your hair cut then we'll talk about you borrowing the car."
A month or so later his dad said:
"Congratulations, your grades are up to a B, plus I've noticed you reading your Bible a lot more but you still haven't cut your hair, so no car I'm afraid."
"But dad," the kid said, "in reading my Bible, I have learned that Samson wore his hair long, so did John The Baptist and probably Jesus did too."
"Very true" said his dad, "but did you notice they walked everywhere."

Two blondes with horses...

Two blonds who loved horse riding had been begging their parents to get them a horse each for a long time, and in the end the parents give in.
The two blonds wants to be able to distinguish which horse belongs to whom.
The first blonde says: "Let's cut off the tail off on one of the horses, that way we can tell the difference!"
They agree, and proceed to do so, however after a week the tail has grown back out, and they agree they need a more permanent solution.
The other blonde suggests: "Let's shave all the hair off one horse"
They do so, but they encounter the excact same problem that the hair grows back out really fast.
After a while of brainstorming one of the blondes says: "I guess we will have to sell one of them and get another"
The second blonde says: "Which one should we sell? The black or the white one?"

A dad and his son...

...talk about the son's first car. The father strikes a deal with his son, "Cut your hair, improve your grades to a B- average, study up on the bible, and then I'll buy you a car." The son, seeing no other option, agrees. Two months later the dad checks in on the son to see him with long hair, reading the bible, and a positive report card. The dad says "son, I'm glad you're studying the bible and raised your grade, but why haven't you cut your hair?" The son replies "well dad, as I read through the bible, it says Moses had long hair, Abraham had long hair, and there is even evidence that Jesus had long hair." Then the dad says "yeah, but notice how they walked everywhere".

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Free shoes

A very beautiful brunette with long hair, long legs and a petite figure decided to go shopping for shoes. Her friends warned her that the old, lonely man who worked at the shoe-store would try to look up her skirt to see her p**....
She really wanted a pair of shoes but was dismayed that the shoe salesman would try to look at her p**.... She thought for a while, and then went shoe shopping.
She found the perfect pair of shoes, and the shoe salesman gave them to her for free, saying it was the least he could do.
Her friends were all jealous that she got the shoes for free. They asked her, did he try to look up your skirt to see your p**...? She said yes, but I outsmarted him. When her friends asked how she had outsmarted him she said, I didn't wear any p**..., so he couldn't see them even if he wanted to.

Two guys meet at the store.

Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around the grocery store
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well,
maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra,
long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Near Death Experience

I was driving one afternoon with my wife, when as we pulled up to a stop light, a motorcycle rider with long blonde hair pulls past us.
My wife commented "That's a woman riding that bike, cool!"
I replied "So does that make her a BILF?"
"BILF?" she asked.
"You know, a Biker I'd Like to F.."
"Drac73521! You haven't even seen her face, what if she's ugly, would you still want to f her then?" she exclaimed..
"Probably.. I mean I married you after all.."
Doctors tell me I can go home this weekend..

We don't serve ropes in here...

A 6 ft long piece of rope walks into the bar, and sits down.. The bartender says "We don't serve ropes in here.."
Annoyed, the rope takes off, quietly complaining under his breath.
After a week, the rope tries to get into the same bar (hoping a different bartender will be on duty).. The rope sits down, and the bartender says (yet again) "Hey, I told you, we don't serve ropes in here.. Get out!"
Now,. the rope is really ticked off. He leaves, but is so angry as he stews over the bars no-rope policy, he begins to twist himself into coils and tangles. Needless to say, his 'hair' gets mussed up, and disheveled, and he's worked himself into a ball of twists, and coils.
He decides to give the bar one more try, now that he's a little more "incognito"
...The rope sits down at the bar, and the bartender turns to him and says "Hey.. Aren't you a rope?"
The rope replies: " No, I'm a frayed knot.."

Missing wives.

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around- WalMart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

Moses was the first hippie.

He was a guy who came from the hills with long hair and sandals, and he brought with him tablets that made everybody feel good.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

A teenager asks his parents to buy him a car, they agree to as long as he gets a job, a hair cut, and learns more about Jesus.

After a few weeks, he goes back to his parents and asks for a car again.
"Son, you hair is even longer now than it was before!" they said.
*Well, you see, I've been going to church lately and they're been encouraging me to be more like Jesus. Turns out he never cut his hair, he kept it long!*
"Well do you have a job yet?" they asked.
*No, Jesus didn't work and instead lived off what his disciples and the heavenly father provided for him, and you want me to be more like him!*
"True, true. Well Jesus also walked wherever he went."

Two Guys Both Lose Their Wives In A Grocery Store

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts.
What does your wife look like?"
The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

s**... with twins

Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had s**... with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.

Dubya meets Moses

George W Bush was sitting at an airport when he saw a strange man walking by.
He had long white hair, a long white beard, wore robes, and rocked sandals that clicked against the floor along with his staff.
Dubya got up and stood in front of him. "Hey, aren't you Moses?"
Moses pretended he couldn't see him.
Dubya asked again, but again Moses was looking away intently.
Finally Dubya grabbed the man's arm and said, "Why are you so unfriendly??"
To that Moses finally responded, "Last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years in the desert."

A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"

Jesus was set in charge of pearly gates of St. Peter for a few minutes.

One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes.
Jesus agrees and in a few minutes he sees an old old man approach.

The old man walked very slowly, had a halting gait, long white hair and a beard. When Jesus asked if he could help, the old man said that he was looking for his son.
Jesus wanted to help but didn't think he could because there were millions of people there.
"I know I can identify him," said the old man, "because he has holes in his hands and feet!"
Jesus looks at him in shock and says, "Father? Is that you?"
The old man looks at Jesus and says, "Pinnochio?"

Looking for a wife

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

A teenager got his driver's license...

...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Going to the prom

A boy asks the crush of his dreams out to prom, and she said yes! So he plans out a list of to-do before the big dance.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there is a long tux line at the shop, he waits for 20 minutes.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits even longer but eventually gets the flowers. Next he heads out to rent a limo.
Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets a very nice limo.
Lastly he goes to the barber and once again there is a long line but as he sits and waits he is just dreaming how his date will look, and within no time he gets his hair cut.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

I had a girlfriend with beautiful long blonde hair.

Unfortunately it all came out of her nose.

A Scotsman is tending his flock of sheep... (long)

when he decides to take a nap under a nearby tree.
After he falls asleep, a young woman walking on a nearby road decides to play a joke on him.
She lifts up his kilt, takes a ribbon from her hair, ties it around his manhood, and leaves with a giggle.
After awhile the Scotsman wakes up and walks over by the bushes to take a wee.
He lifts up his kilt and is amazed to see a bright blue ribbon tied around his manhood.
without skipping a beat he says "well I don't know where you've been laddie, but I can see you won first prize!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'

Boy wants a car from his Dad

the Dad says, "first you gotta cut that hair."
Boy says, "but Dad, Jesus had long hair"
and Dad says
"that's right son, and Jesus walked everywhere"
(credit goes to the band The Silver Jews)

Dad, Why was Mahatma Gandhi bald

"Because he always spoke the truth"
"Oh! That's why woman have long hair"

My friend came back from vacation with long hair...

... and I wanted to make a joke about it, but I couldn't *comb* up with one.

People think that having long hair and bangs is emo.

I think its more appropriate to cut it.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

After growing out my hair, i now understand why women take so long in the bathroom

Apparently they get too busy searching for long-haired peeping toms

Car accidents and dwarves.

A man was texting and driving and generally not paying attention to the road. As he approached the stoplight, he slammed on his breaks a bit too late and collided into the car in front of him. Flustered, he searched for his insurance and waited for the man in the car in front of him to approach him.
He saw the car door in front of him open and out walked a very short, slightly chubby man with long gray hair and a beard to match. The man approached his window with an angry look and exclaimed, "I'm not *happy!*"
Giving him a second look, the man asked, "Then which one are you?"

Why is it that some people don't like having long hair?

I don't know, but it grows on them eventually

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

3 nuns were sitting on a bench in the local park

The nuns usually came out here to get away from their convent and get a chance to talk about the attractive men that walked by. This day, however, there was a man who kept watching them from an uncomfortable distance. One of them points him out as he begins to walk towards them. The man is tall, sporting a large trench coat, with long black greasy hair. He walks up right in front of them and undoes his trench coat to reveal a massive e**.... Immediately the first nun looks and has a s**... as well as the second. The third nun tries, but her arms are too short.

I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins...

All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a long haired s**... that does the things he tells others not to do?

A hippie-crite!

So yesterday I wore a costume....

I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....
I was a transparent transparent.

A UFO landed in the Vatican and the friendly Aliens where greeted by the pope

Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us.
Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, always in white clothes and is in his mid-thirties? Sure we know this guy.. great guy! Whenever he visits us he cure our sick, turn some water into wine (great laugh!), show us his walking-on-water-trick and then we throw a great party and serve him pancakes. He pops up every 2 years or so. Anyway, what did you guys do?

The man with the big feet lives in the red house, the man with the big ears in the green house, the man with the long hair in blue house, where does the man with the small wein live?

My house

The teacher tells the students:

You have to tell me what part of my body do you like the most, and I will tell you what will you be when you grow up. Let's see, Paul, which part of my body do you like the most?
I love your long hair, teacher.
Nice, Paul! You will be a hairdresser when you grow up. And you, Peter, what is your favourite part?
My favourite part of you are your teeth, teacher.
You will be a dentist, Peter, when you grow up. William, it's your turn.
I really like your blue eyes, teacher.
You will be a very good oculist when you grow up, William. And you, Johnny, which part of my body do you like the most?
I think I don't need to say it. I just found out I want to be a milkman when older!

What's a cowlick?

Dad: Son, your hair dresser does such a good job even with your cowlick as crazy as it is
Son: What's a cowlick?
Dad: Whatever it wants.
Son: what?
Dad: ...
My dad made this joke when I was around 10 and I didn't understand it until I was around 16...and I asked him about it every once in a while and he pretended he had no idea what I was talking about...really played the long con there....I can't wait for my kids to ask me about a cowlick...

Girlfriend broke up with me for being handsome with long hair...

On her way out she says, you're always lion . All I could do was nod in agreement.

Did you hear about what happened to everyone that went to the hair-coloring festival?

They all DYED!

Do you know why ghosts always have long hair?

Because all the hair salons are closed at night.

My wife has got really long black hair running down her back

God, I wish it was on her head.

So, a horse walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "Why the long face?" And ann coulter just flips her hair around while trying to remember when her parents told her she was pretty.

What does a wife and a long-haired female dog have in common?

They both have hair all over the house.

My roommate went and got her hair done yesterday...

When she came home she immediately starts telling me how bad the hairdresser messed up. Dead hair, something was on for too long, blah blah blah. Well, she was really upset about it and kept bringing it up. So she says, "It's really a bummer because I spent so much money on something that I don't even like." So I said to her pretty seriously, "Well, then why don't you sue her."
She looked at me, kind of incredulous that I would suggest something so severe, so I continued, "For defamation of hair-acter."

So my brother has been taking rill good care of his hair

After his hour long showers all my conditioner is gone

Hair dyes do not last more than a week

Paltu voted and asked the polling officer-
Paltu: Sir, will these fingerprints be washed off with water?
Officer: No.
Paltu: Then sir! Can it be washed with soap?
Officer: No.
Paltu: Then how long will it take, sir?
Officer: Will go after one year.
Paltu: Then give me a little more sir?
Officer: Why?
Paltu: I'll put it in my hair, sir. Nowadays hair dyes do not last more than a week.

As a physician I can not disclose if any of my patients have long hair, smoke cannabis or wear tie die clothes..

Because of hippie privacy regulations.

I went to get my hair cut today but there were so many in front of me.

After an hour the manager started to hand out hot dogs and burgers as an apology for the long wait.
It was the Best Barber Queue ever!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A racist man called me a t**... for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.

Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.

Long Hair joke, A racist man called me a t**... for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.

jokes about long hair