Long Form Jokes
25 long form jokes and hilarious long form puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long form that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Long Form Short Jokes
Short long form jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long form humour may include short long length jokes also.
- Why does it take so long when Satan is in front of you in line at the post office? Because the devil takes many forms.
- A paperclip walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the pointy face?" The paperclip, incapable of human speech, forms a long, thin sliver of metal and stabs the bartender to death.
- There are 3 types of people in the world: Glass half-full people, glass half-empty people, And kids with antivax parents, who never live long enough to form an opinion
- The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money. - Why do people from communist countries have such long names? Cause they've never seen short forms.
Share These Long Form Jokes With Friends
Long Form Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about long form you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean long animal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make long form pranks.
Golf is like urinating in a public toilet
- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum
A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:
"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo."
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"
*Joke was translated from Bulgarian*
All Men Go to Heaven...
...and upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells the recently departed to form two lines: one for the 'man of the house'; and a second for those obedient and dutiful to their wives. The first line had only 1 man standing in it, while the second line was miles long.
St. Peter turns to the one man standing in the first line and asks, "Man, how did you end up in this line?!"
To which the man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
Getting Married!
A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.....
The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease...
When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?".....
There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'Yes.'"
A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.
One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's
mother tongue. He fills with confidence "very long".
How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?
If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.
Reverse joke challenge
This is a game I came up with, the rules are pretty simple:
Post a question in the form of: "What do you call an (animal) with a (object)?" And I (or someone else) will respond with a laffy taffy quality pun as a response. This creates a new terrible joke as a result!
Keep in mind these take me a long time to "solve" but I can almost always come up with a passable answer.
For example:
Q: What do you call a polar bear with a banana?
A: A peeler bear.
A blonde couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, What ever possessed you to study Russian?
The couple said proudly, We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk.
We just want to be able to understand him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brain Dead
A man got into a car accident and was rushed to hospital. At the hospital, the man's doctor declares him to be brain-dead. Soon, the man's wife shows up at the hospital. The doctor gives the wife the bad news.
"What now?! What are my options?" Sobs the wife.
The doctor replies, "Well, unfortunately, you have two options. You can ship him off to a long-term care centre and hope for the best. Or, alternatively, you can sign this form to unplug him and donate his organs. In my opinion, I believe that o**... donation is the no-brainer option."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is attempting to donate s**... at a s**... bank...
... but he's having difficulty finishing, and so takes a while.
Eventually he manages, so he screws the lid on, and heads back into the reception to deposit the cup.
But by now a long line has formed with other men attempting to do the same thing - all the way to the door.
Furious, he marches up to the receptionist at the front of the line and says, "This is unacceptable - I can't wait this long, I have places to be! I need you to process my sample right now."
The receptionist turns to him and replies, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to go to the back of the line; we have a strict first-come first-served policy."
Two new parents
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, What ever possessed you to study Russian?
The couple said proudly, We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.
A tourist bus crashes and all the passengers die.
The crowd of recently deceased is gathered at the pearly gates. St. Peter comes out and says: "OK. I want you to form three lines. One for the women, one for the men who were always bossed around by their wives, and the last for men who were the boss of their household."
People shuffle around for a good hour. At the end, there is a long line of women, a long line of men who were bossed around by their wives, and only one man in the third line.
St. Peter approaches the man and says: "It's been years since I've seen a man in the third line. Are you sure you're in the right line?"
The man hesitates, and answers: "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Going to the Prom
A boy decided to go to the prom. He needed a tuxedo, flowers, and a limo, so he went to the tux rental store. There was a huge tuxedo line, so he waited an hour and got his outfit. He went to the flower sop, where another huge line had formed, so he had to wait another hour. After he finally got his flowers, he went to the limo rental place, only to find an hour-long limo line. After he got his car, he got dressed, picked up his date, and went to the prom. After an hour of dancing, he got thirsty and went to get some punch. When he got to the able, he was relieved to find that there was no punch line.
Scientists decide they don't need God.
Some time in the future, not to terribly long from now there is a big scientist convention. At this convention they decide that there is no need for God anymore, scientists can do everything that God can do. So they choose a delegate to find God and inform Him of their decision and kindly ask Him to go do something else.
The delegate sets out in search for God. For forty years he wanders the world exclaiming out loud, "God!! Where are you, we need to talk." Eventually God gets tired of this guy's haranguing, takes pity on him. He forms a body and goes before the scientist.
"God, " trembles the scientist, "I've been chosen to tell you that since people can do everything you can do, we don't need you anymore."
"Really," says God.
"Yes. We can make new animals from base materials, change matter to energy, control the weather, heal illnesses and injuries. I could even make a person."
"Okay," says God, "let's have a little test, Show me that you can make a man." God and the scientist are suddenly surrounded by all the apparatus of a modern laboratory.
The scientist agrees, and reaches down to pick up a handful of dirt.
"STOP." shouts the Lord. "You get your own dirt!"
The big sale.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper)were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian Condoms!
President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest c**... factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of t**.... "I need a favor....you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of t**.... "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.
Pete and Jenny were long time patients at the mental institution...
...and they had formed a relationship.
They were walking past the pond, Pete fell in and sank, Jenny, with no thought for her own safety, dived to the bottom of the pool and rescued him, she also gave him the kiss of life.
A few days later Jenny was summomed before the board of the hospital and was told that seeing how she had the sense to dive in to rescue Pete she could not be classed as insane, she was going home the day after.
When the nurse was helping her pack, she gave Jenny the bad news..........After you had rescued Pete, he was foubd in the hospital ward, dead, hanging from a beam !
Jenny replied, "yes, I hung him up to dry,can I go home now ?
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian President Putin called President George W.
Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest c**... factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.
"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"
"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.
"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.
"Yes?"
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.
"No problem," replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those s**... Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a c**... company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the president of the c**... company.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!"