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Long Christmas Jokes

13 long christmas jokes and hilarious long christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Long Christmas Short Jokes

Short long christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long christmas humour may include short traditional christmas jokes also.

  1. Did you hear about the Christmas version of Star Wars? It began "A long time ago, in a Galilee far, far away..."
  2. ‪Due to the fact that I've been single for a long time, I've decided to concede to the advice of many.. ‬ I'm excited to announce that I have officially married Christmas..‬
  3. How long should you wait to regift a Christmas present? Last Christmas, this girl gave me her heart, and the very next day I gave it away. I haven't heard the end of it since.

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Long Christmas One Liners

Which long christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with long christmas? I can suggest the ones about bad christmas and christmas holiday.

  1. Christmas vacation is like my d**...… …not long enough.

Ridiculous Long Christmas Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about long christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family christmas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make long christmas pranks.

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."

I'll never forget the Christmas Eve my father went to jail.

It didn't take long before he got violent, abusive, screaming and thrashing around, smearing f**... on the walls...
I'll never play Monopoly with him again.

2 village idiots are walking...

...in the woods in December. They spend long hours there, seemingly looking at the trees. As time goes by, they argue more and more. Finally, at sunset, one tells the other:
"Look, I don't care if the next one doesn't have any decorations, we're taking it for Christmas!"

Two blondes are walking in forest searching for a Christmas tree

They both walk a long time but couldn't find a good one. Hour by hour passes but still none of them are good enough. It's already getting pitch dark. It's already midnight and finally one of them suddenly says "ugh, let's just pick one without decorations"

Who knows where Jesus is?

A Sunday School teacher was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

Long ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth,...

A young Tyrannosaurus Rex was out on the hunt when he stopped to take a drink from a nearby lake.
There, cooling off in the water, he saw the most beautiful Triceratops in all of Pangea. He asked her her name and invited her to go out hunting but she told him she wasn't really into that kind of thing.
The T-Rex liked her anyway though so they started going together.
Even though his parents complained that it was awkward at Christmas dinner and all his friends laughed about how she had him eating salads, he still asked her to marry him.
He was happier because he'd never met a dinosaur like herbivore.

These three blondes where going to purchase a Christmas tree but they then decided to go into the forest to chop down a real one.

The first blonde said "I dont care how long it
takes us I want a perfect tree."
The other two blondes agreed saying "We won't
leave untill we find the right one."
Three days later they were still searching.
The first blonde looked at her two tired and
hungry friends and said "I promise the next
tree we come across we'll chop it down and
take it home and i wont care if it's decorated
for Christmas or not."

Bing Crosby

A long time ago, back in the autumn of 1952, when Bing Crosby was
filming the movie "White Christmas" in New Hampshire, the Mayor of
Nashua, NH thought it would be a great idea to have Bing visit their
fair town & present him with the key to the city on the steps of City
Hall. You know, a nice little photo op for the mayor's re-election &
a
way for some of the town's dignitaries to meet the Great Bing Crosby.
Now one as to remember, Bing Crosby at this time was at the peak of his singing career. He was bigger than Elvis, the Beatles, Sinatra, Lady GaGa & the Beach Boys all put together. He crossed generational lines, admired by young & old as one of the "coolest cats" in the music world.
Well, word leaked out that Bing would be in town so hundreds of
teenagers skipped school to attend the little ceremony. The
authorities were not prepared for such a large crowd, there were only a few policemen present, and things soon got out of hand. Pushing &
shoving began as the teenagers all wanted to get closer to see their hero. It soon looked like the Mayor was going to a have a riot on his hands and he was growing more frantic by the minute. All he wanted was a nice little ceremony with Bing and now he had a full fledged uprising threatening to ruin everything.
Throughout all this Bing was seated in his chair, calmly observing
what was happening. When the crowd started to push through the barricades that were set up, he had had enough. Bing got up, strolled to the microphone & said in a commanding voice, "All right, everyone cool down right now"! The rioting crowd immediately calmed down and the Mayor's little ceremony went on without a hitch & everyone went home happy.
The next day's newspaper headline read: CROSBY STILLS NASHUA YOUNG!!