Long Black Jokes

103 long black jokes and hilarious long black puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long black that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Long Black Short Jokes

Short long black jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long black humour may include short black dress jokes also.

  1. What's long and hard on a black guy His prison sentence
    I hope this hasn't been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome
  2. I was thinking that 6 years for your masters was a long time... But black people used to work 60 years for theirs.
  3. Two black guys are in prison in the USA \- How long are you in for?
    \- 20 years
    \- What did you do?
    \- Nothing.
    \- That's ridiculous, usually nothing only gets you 10 years.
  4. Whats long, black and hard to cut into? The line at ~~Kentucky Fried Chicken.~~ Popeyes
    Edit Thanks /u/SatanicOnion
  5. My wife uses me as an excuse all the time to decline an invitation. She says things like, "I gotta help him with the kids", "he had a long day at work", "I don't want another black eye"
  6. I remember how my uncle died.. Driving an 18 wheeler rig down a long, icy road in the pitch black with no working headlights. He swerved and suddenly BAM!
  7. How can you tell the black British Olympic long distance runner from the Kenyans? The British one is Mo' Farah.
  8. Despite the rumors, I actually don't have a problem with the new $20.... This country has a long history of trading black people for other goods.
  9. It will not be long before a social warrior starts claiming that physics is offensive. Like why is it called black hole? why not African American holes.
  10. Hellen Keller Jokes What's long and black?
    every day
    How did Hellen Keller lose her virginity?
    Someone left a plunger in the toilet

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Long Black One Liners

Which long black one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with long black? I can suggest the ones about wearing black and pitch black.

  1. What is long, black and dangerous to cut into? the line at KFC
  2. What's black and long? The queue in KFC.
    (Sorry please don't hurt me)
  3. What's long and hard on a black man? The First grade!
  4. What's long and black? The unemployment line.
  5. What is long and hard on a black man? Third grade.
  6. Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
  7. What's black and ten inches long? My lungs.
  8. What's long and black? The welfare office line.
  9. What is long and hard for a black guy? Third grade
  10. what do you call a black person with a big and long neck? A Necker
  11. Man walks into a black hole and orders a drink. Bartender says why the long face?
  12. How long does the average black marriage last? Until the baby's born.
  13. What's long and hard on a black guy? A math test.
  14. What's long , black and hairy Black Hair
  15. What's black and long? A long black tube.

Howlingly Hilarious Long Black Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about long black you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean black jack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make long black pranks.

Sandy and John were an extremely liberal, though not especially bright, white couple.
Wanting to begin a family, they decided they wanted to have a black baby, and set to work.
Nine months later, the fruits of their labor was born: a lovely white girl.
Pleased but disappointed, John decided to ask a black man at work why they hadn't parented a black baby.
Realizing that John was somewhat sluggish, the fellow took him aside and asked, "Is your d*c**... at least a foot long?"
John had to admit that it was not.
"And is it at least four inches wide?"
Once more John replied in the negative.
"Well, man, there's your problem!" the guy slapped him on the back.
"You let in too much light!"

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".

Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.

My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our s**... first-timer questions.
o**... asked, "If our c**... doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"
Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

Sometimes when Chuck Norris stares at the stars too long they get scared.
These are known as black holes.

A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."

What's long, and generally on a black male?

A leg.

A woman takes a business trip...

A woman takes a business trip to Arizona for a week. On her first night there in the hotel, a b**... man comes in through her window and has passionate s**... with her all night long. The next night, the same thing happens. She asks the man for his name, but he says "No, you'll laugh at me". She promises she won't, but he leaves anyways. After continuing this for the whole week, the woman begs the man for his name. He says "Fine, as long as you promise not to laugh... My name is Snow". The woman laughs uncontrollably and he yells "See I knew you would!". She responds "No, I'm not laughing at you. It's just that my husband will never believe me when I tell him I got 8 inches of Snow in Phoenix"

Three ladies meet up for a drink

Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

Overcrowded church

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

So there was this zebra....

... And he wanted to know if he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes. So, he asked St. Peter. St. Peter said,
'I'm sorry, but I can't answer that question for you. You'll have to go ask God.'
Then the zebra made the long, arduous, and perilous journey up to heaven to talk to God. He asked God,
'God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?' God simply said,
'You are what you are.'
'Well hmmph,' said the zebra with a huff, 'Fat lot of good that did me.' So, without having his pressing question answered, he made the long, arduous, and perilous journey back to Earth. He needed to have a word with St. Peter.
Once he got back to Earth, he sought out St. Peter and confronted him.
'St. Peter, God didn't answer my question at all!' he complained.
'Well, zebra, what did He say?' asked St. Peter.
'When I asked him my question, all He said was 'You are what you are.''
'Ah, I see now. You are indeed white with black stripes.' said St. Peter. At this, the zebra was enraged.
'WHAT?!?! You're telling me that after all this time and all this energy I wasted; after I went all the way up to Heaven to ask God this question, you knew the answer the whole time??'
'Now, zebra, calm down,' said St. Peter. 'You don't understand. My answer all depended on God's answer.' He let that sink in for a moment.
'You see, if you were, in fact, black with white stripes, God would have said 'You is whatchu is!''

A plane passes through a fierce storm...

In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of s**... in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! I've had it! Is there ANYONE on the plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman in front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous — tall, built with long, flowing balck hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and he extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: "Iron this."

Why is there the occasional black Jew?

Because Hilter kept them in the oven for too long.

How Long Does It Take A Black Woman To Take A Dump?

9 months.

What's black, 10-inches long, rock-hard and filled with s**...?

The sock under my bed.

A joke my friends love to hear from me. I hope you enjoy it as well.

A white guy, a black guy, and a Mexican are walking down a beach together and stumble across a magical genie lamp. They rub it and genie comes out and tells them that each of them have one wish. So the Mexican guys say I want all the Mexicans in America to be back in Mexico and happy and rich. So p**... all the Mexicans are gone in Mexico happy and rich. The black guy than says I want all the black people to be back in Africa and happy and rich. So p**... all the black people are back in Africa rich and happy. The white guy has been quiet the whole time and the genie asks him what does he want. The white guy looks at him and says, you're telling me all the Mexicans and black people are out of my country? And the genie responds yes. The white guy pauses and than says I'll have a coke than.
(Sorry it's so long, hope you enjoyed it though)

What's long and hard

On a black person?
First grade

What's black on top and white underneath?

•Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes.

What's long and hard for a black person?

The third grade.

LPT: Drunk Husband, Happy Wife

I'll try to translate as good as i can:
After a long night of drinking a husband and father comes home and b**... out. In the morning he sees his wife and prepares for her being mad but she's all happy and smiling. So he asks his son if he remembers what happened yesterday. "I sure do. You rang the bell for a solid 5 Minutes, then you puked on the floor, went to bed singing Hallelujah and passed out." The husband wondered why his wife was not mad at all and asked if that's all that happened. His son replies: "Well after cleaning up Mum tried to t**... pants and you said: Stop it Lady! I am happily married!"

A snail decides to buy a car...

There's this snail. All his life, all he's ever wanted was a little red corvette, convertible, with a b**... "S" painted on the hood. He saves and saves and finally buys his life-long dream. He pulls out of the dealership and his driving down the street, proud as can be. Two guys, waiting at a crosswalk, spot the snail in his new car, and one says to the other, "hey man, look at that S car go!!!"

What is big, black, and very long?

A black hole

Why do black people spend so much on their shoes?

You would to if you had such a long walk home.

Whats long, black and smelly?

Why did the black guy go to sleep after a long day at work?

Because he was slavin' away all day.

A European m**... goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.
However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The m**... looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "
In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

why do italian women wear long black gloves?

to cover up their long black hair

How long do black women need to bring the garbage out?

About 9 month.

Why are black people fast runners?

They have 3 long strong legs.

So I asked my friend, if you could be in the sun as long as possible and not get sun burnt but the majority of the world hates you, would you do it? And my friend said yeah.

Okay you're black.

What's long and hard on a black man?

3rd grade

What is long, black and smelly?

The welfare queue

I was at the pub the other day, when 2 fat chicks walk in and sit next to me

Thought of being polite, I said 'Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?'
One of them spoke up, with quite an attitude and said 'it's Wales you idiot'
So I immediately said 'Sorry, are you two Whales from Scotland?'
Long story short, anyone know how to deal with black eyes fast?

My son told me that he had something to say.

"What is it, boy?" I asked.
"Dad..." he said. "Is it OK if I invite my date over for dinner?"
"That's fine," I smiled. "as long as she isn't black!"
He said, "Don't worry. He isn't."

What do you call an old tubby black man with a long, white beard and red suit?

Grandfather Clause

What is pink, long , thin and flexible?

A pink thread
What is black , long , thin and flexible?
Shadow of pink thread
What is white , long, thin and flexible?
Ghost of pink thread

Researchers today said food cooked too long that turns to black produces high levels of acrylamide, a cancer risk.

And I just thought my wife was a bad cook.

Why do black guys have such long d**...?

Because their parents could never afford toys.

Cops will always win chess games as long as they can be white

They have experience beating people who are black

What's long and black?

The social security line.

3 nuns were sitting on a bench in the local park

The nuns usually came out here to get away from their convent and get a chance to talk about the attractive men that walked by. This day, however, there was a man who kept watching them from an uncomfortable distance. One of them points him out as he begins to walk towards them. The man is tall, sporting a large trench coat, with long black greasy hair. He walks up right in front of them and undoes his trench coat to reveal a massive e**.... Immediately the first nun looks and has a s**... as well as the second. The third nun tries, but her arms are too short.

A farmer and an interviewer (long)

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The black one of the brown one?
Interviewer: The brown one.
Farmer: A couple liters a day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple liters a day.
Interviewer (a little confused): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one the black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer (annoyed): Why do you keep asking "which one" when the answer is the same?!
Farmer: Because the black ones mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: it's also mine.

A salesman knocked on a suburban door...

...and was greeted by a nine-year-old boy puffing away on a long black cigar. Stunned for a brief moment, he managed to regain his composure and say "Good afternoon. Would your mother or father be home?" The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes onto the carpet, and replied "What the f*c**... do you think?"

There's a protocol when it comes to bears [Long]

If you go camping, you should carry bells so not to startle a bear and be attacked, and pepper spray in case it does.
It would help to learn the s**... of the bear, so you can avoid areas with dangerous species.
Brown and black bear's is small and dark.
Grizzly's is large, light in color, has bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

Why do black rappers always wear big, long chain necklaces?

Old habits die hard

Cops are now beating up African-Americans who stay awake too long…

They say that they won't tolerate b**... who are resisting a rest…

A newlywed couple go on an African safari...

They come upon an indigenous people most notably characterized by their unusually long p**....
Noticing his wife's amusement, he decides to ask the tour guide for some pointers.
"For one year, during their youth, they tie on a heavy rock and don't remove it, " says the guide.
Now, back at home, the man decides to give it a go..
A week later the wife excitedly asks, "How's my big man? Any luck?"
The man replies, "Its not any longer, but it has turned black."

I ordered a coffee today...

"You're the strong long black?"
"Yep that's me, except I'm white"

My boyfriend wanted to roleplay as a barista

I ordered a long black but he gave me a short americano

What's black and long and has the ability to make any woman fall on the floor?

A police baton

My wife has got really long black hair running down her back

God, I wish it was on her head.

Last time I was in jail I felt like a crop field in 1860

Cause I was being plowed by black guys all day long

What did Black Friday have in common with my last s**... attempt?

Just ended up standing there for something I didn't really want because of the long line.

(Stolen but golden) Stevie Wonder is in the recording studio at the end of a long hard day.

He's chewing the fat with a few of the technicians.
One of them asks:
It must be hard being blind Stevie.
To which Stevie replies:
Yep, it's hard but at least I'm not black.

s**... people jokes

A s**... student was copying whatever the teacher writes on the black board, but every time the teacher clears the blackboard he throws away the paper.
2 s**... men were speaking to each other one said 'i am freezing from the air conditioner'' the other replied " i am jack, from Florida''.
A s**... called the airlines to ask how long a flight to China would take, the customer service said '' 1 second'', he said thanks and hanged the phone.
2 stoners were listening to the 9:00 oo'clock news, one asked '' why is this news talking so long'' the other replied ''maybe it's the final episode''

Newspaper personal advertisement section:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Will lick you all over. Call (x**...) x**...-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

*Over the week over 1,500 men from all over the country called for Daisy the Black Labrador Retriever.*

The story of my username

It was a cold August night. The inky black harbor was quiet, almost too quiet. As a walked down the cobblestoned steps a breeze sent a chill down my back. Fog clouded my vision, but as I boarded my modest little steamer I could see so clearly in my mind, an image. I tried to rid my mind of this thought, but the more I tried the harder it became. On the dock I was, and very close to dock was what thought was in my head. So I thought of the unintelligible nonsense Ramavian_Zola, which, to this day, I use to clearly my mind of those thoughts that are so hard and plague my mind for so long, and so e**... in my head.

With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

jokes about long black