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Long And Hard Jokes

127 long and hard jokes and hilarious long and hard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about long and hard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Long And Hard Short Jokes

Short long and hard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The long and hard humour may include short long length jokes also.

  1. Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said "You're a lot like a math exam."
    I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"
    She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."
  2. A young woman walks into a dry cleaner She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
    Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"

    She responds, "No, it's yogurt"
  3. What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard? His last name
  4. What does a German bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard? A new last name.
  5. What's something long and hard that every Polish woman receives on the night of her wedding? A new last name!
  6. What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that's long and hard? Their last name.
  7. My wifi password is Thorironmanhulkscarletwitchvisionhawkeyecaptainamericathanos. I know that's hard to remember, but it had to be at least eight characters long.
  8. What's long and hard on a black guy His prison sentence
    I hope this hasn't been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome
  9. For those people who still carry their selfie stick with them on their travels, I have one thing to say. I hope you take a long hard look at yourself.
  10. My girlfriend asked for something long and hard for her birthday. So I got her a Chess set.

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Long And Hard One Liners

Which long and hard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with long and hard? I can suggest the ones about lengthy and long journey.

  1. What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
  2. What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s? Your spine
  3. Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long? Because old Hobbits die hard...
  4. I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution. 3840x2160
  5. What's long and hard does polish bride get on her wedding night? A new last name
  6. What's long and hard on a black man? The First grade!
  7. What long and hard thing does a norwegian wife get on her wedding night? A last name
  8. What is long and hard on a Newfie? Grade 1.
  9. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it? Calculus homework.
  10. What is long, hard to handle and keeps her up all night? Clinical Depression
  11. Why was the computer tired after a long journey? It had a hard drive.
  12. "An apple a day...... ...will keep most ANYONE away, so long as you throw hard enough!"
  13. What is long and hard that women don't have compulsorily? The military service.
  14. What do a chess player and a pornstar have in common? Thinking long and hard
  15. What's long and hard and makes mom jump into bed? Her day.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about long and hard can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of long and hard puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Long And Hard Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about long and hard you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean long work day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make long and hard prank.

What does a Polish man give to his bride on their wedding day that's both long and hard?

His surname

After a hard and long night's wait, he finally broke down to his knees and began to cry "It's a boy! it's a boy!"

..he was too emotionally drained to leave the Thai brothel.

Busted!

A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.
They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and he let the other one off.

What is long, hard and leaves a warm, white, sticky substance in your mouth?

Toothbrush.

Texas: The Miracle State

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.
"Say, is this really a healthy place?"
"It sure is," the man replied.
"When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said Bill. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."

Lipstick Girls

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.
That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

What's black, 10-inches long, rock-hard and filled with s**...?

The sock under my bed.

A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach

He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."
After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."
"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.
"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.
"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.
Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.
"I wish to donate a kidney."

A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...

The Son dragged a h**... out of the shed and began working the field. He noticed that the h**... looked very old and worn out. It was practically falling apart, so he asked his Father "How long do you think this h**... will last?" His Father took one look at the h**... and shrugged. "I guess it depends on how much you pay her."

An old veteran is sitting in a bar

A p**... looking for work approaches him. "Say old man, when was the last time you had s**...?"
The man responds "That must have been around 1958"
"1958?" exclaims the p**... "that's a mighty long time you haven't slept with a woman!"
"Is it?" replies the man, and looks at his watch "it's hardly 2045 right now!"

A knight and his men return to their castle...

...after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."

What's 6 inches long hard, bent, and in my pants?

My iPhone 6

What is long and hard on a black man?

Third grade.

My boss pulled up in an awesome new car today

"Wow, that's a really nice car, sir. I'd love to drive one of those..." I said.
He said, "Well, if you set goals, you're determined, and you work really hard and put in the long hours, then I can get an even better one next year."

My boss pulled up to work in his brand new, expensive car...

I complimented him on it , and he said "well, if you set goals, you're determined, you work really hard and put in the long hours, I'll be able to afford an even better one next year"!

My boss was honest with me today.

He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

What do d**... and School have in common

There both long and hard unless you are Asian

A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...

The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"

So my foreign professor overheard some attractive girls talking about how they like it long and hard.

The exam the next morning s**....

What does school and the male reproductive o**... have in common?

Most of the time it's hard and long - unless you're Asian.

A man sees a millionaire he recognizes on the street.

The man goes up to the millionaire and says, "Sir, I have been working hard for so long and I still don't have much money, will you please tell me your secret to becoming a millionaire?"
The millionaire pauses for a moment and responds, "my wife."
The man was taken aback. "What were you before you met her?"
The millionaire sadly responded, "a billionaire."

My wife got mad at me for my long-term addiction to watching Bruce Willis movies.

I told her old habits die hard

A man is granted one wish, but with a catch

A man unlocks a genie, and the genie tells him that he will grant him one wish, but whatever he wishes for, all lawyers in the world will be granted double.
The man thinks long and hard about his one wish, and calmly states "I wish to donate a kidney"

What do colleges and p**... have in common?

They're both long and hard, unless you're Asian.

My remaining Scrabble tiles were PENSI, so I played the name of a long, hard body part ...

... SPINE.

A Polish girl got married

On her wedding night, she received something long and hard from her husband.
It was his last name.

After working long and hard for my PhD people finally recognize me..

As the neighborhood pizza Hut delivery guy now.

Bob and Earl are fishing on a boat.

and Bob says "Yunno, I think I'm gonna divorce the wife, she hasn't spoken to me in 2 months."
Earl spits his dip overboard and takes a long swig of his beer with a casual exhale. "You should really think it over...Women like that are hard to find."

What's long, hard and makes a woman moan when e**...?

An ironing board.

A boy and his father are in an argument

Father: "I've had enough of this! Go to your room and don't come back out until you've thought long and hard about what you've done"
Son: "Fine, I didn't want to be here anyways"
Son: *Stomps up stairs*
Son: *Walks into his room, gently closes the door*
Son: "Jim Morrison s**...!"
Father: "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?"

What begins with P ends in S and is long and hard?

Process, you pervert.

What's long, hard and makes kids scream when I give it to them?

A math test.

Grandpa's Birthday

So my grandfather turned 90 last weekend, and my uncle, the class act that he is, thought it'd be a good idea to get a stripper one night, after we had the guys golf trip.
So she shows up, it's a bit awkward at first, but she's affable and it makes it a slightly better situation.
Eventually she goes up to the birthday boy and asks him "Do you want a super l**...?"
Grandpa thought long and hard and finally spoke up, "I guess I'll have the soup!"

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really s**... at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

Whats long, black and hard to cut into?

The line at ~~Kentucky Fried Chicken.~~ Popeyes
Edit Thanks /u/SatanicOnion

2 teenage friends were outside when they saw a female streaker walking down the street.

One of them ran away as soon as he saw her, but the other one stayed and watched for a while.
They saw each other at school the next day, and the one who stayed asked his friend why he ran away. His friend said "My mom said that if I ever look at a n**... girl too long I'll turn to stone. And I already felt something getting hard."

What's Long and Hard and full of s**...?

The Pacific theatre of WW2!

Any sentence can be a s**... innuendo...

You just have to think long and hard about it.

What's long, hard, and in your mom?

Your mom's femur.

What's long, hard and makes young blonde girls scream?

A math test.

I was in a relationship with a blind girl...

It was hard because it took me so long to get her husband's voice just right.
^by ^Jimmy ^Carr

The polish bride.

[Might be a repost, but c'mon, I'm pretty sure there would be atleast one person who wouldn't have heard this one]
What is long and hard, that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.

Ladies, if you want to get an idea of how well a prospective boyfriend will treat you,

Take a long hard look at how he treats his wife

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice

His new apprentice was willing to work long, hard hours.
One day he instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith.

Chinese physicists have discovered long, hard, negatively-charged particles.

They call them erectrons.

My mom asked me what g**... think about.

I thought long and hard...

A guy was robbed in the park.

He called the police. After 10 minutes, a policeman arrived.
He asked: "Can you describe the person?"
The guy answered: " Yeah. It was a man, he had a beard, was really big, approximately 1.95m."
The policeman looked confused and said: "Wow, that's a pretty long beard. can't be too hard to find him!"

Pornhub was sued a few months ago by xhamster

The trial was long and hard, but ended with a hung jury

Instruction

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad: When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody

The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**

What is something long and hard that Polish brides get on their wedding day?

Their husband's last name.

Why did the computer take so long to arrive?

It had a hard drive

2 men walk into a bar after a long, hard day at work

The first man asks the bartender, "May I have some H2O?"
The bartender gives the first man the drink and the first man c**... it down.
The second man, seeing what the first man did, asks the bartender, "May I have some H2O too?"
The bartender gives the second man the drink and the second man c**... it down.
The second man died shortly after.

What's long, brown, hard and sticky.

A stick.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's is long and hard. The president's is a 5. madonna doesn't have one, and the Pope has one, but he doesn't use it.

A last name.

Here my attempt to translate a Dutch joke in English

2 blond girls meet up. The first girl asks the other: "which is further away, the moon or Australia?" The other things about this long and hard and comes back with her answer after an hour: "the moon is closer, definitely the moon." "How come?" asks the first girl. "Well," says the other "we can see the moon every night, do you ever see Australia?"

What is about 6 inches long, hard, hairy at the base and is pushed into a moist opening where it is quickly moved back and forth?

A toothbrush

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.
"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."

Two old men sitting on a park bench discussing their junk

First one says, I'll bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
Second one says, That's ridiculous. I've known you my whole life. Never have you, _or your wife_, bragged of such a thing.
Fifty bucks says mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
You're on. How long is yours soft?
Seventeen years.

What's long and hard, and hairy at one end?

A toothbrush.

Four catholic ladies are talking about how important there sons are. (Long)

The first one tells her friends my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'
The second Catholic woman chirps, while my son is a bishop, when he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'
The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle well.....?
She replies, My son is a charismatic, 6'2 , hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, My God.

God thought long and hard what to name the period of time when the sun was not visible...

Finally, after many hours of trying different sounds and variations he named it night.
But when naming the opposite, he was exhaust and called it a day.

Can you beat my top 3 Polish jokes?

>What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name
>Did you hear about the Polish carpool?
They meet at work in the morning
>Did you heal about the Polish t**... that tried to blow up the bus?
He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe

jokes about long and hard

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these long and hard jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.