lone ranger Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious lone ranger puns

Tonto and the Lone Ranger

Chased by Injuns, the lone ranger and Tonto are galloping along when suddenly, Tonto stops, jumps down off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and listens. After a bit, he sits up and says 'BUFFALO COME!'

'how can you tell?' replies the lone ranger.

Tonto says 'Ear Sticky!'

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The lone Ranger and Tonto

The lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses when Tonto falls off. He lands in a ditch. The lone Ranger walks up and says "Tonto are you ok"? Tonto puts his ear to the ground and remains quiet. The lone Ranger repeats himself and Tonto quiets him and says "buffalo come" the lone Ranger says " you can tell that by listening to the ground"? Tonto says "no, ground very sticky.

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The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the prairie. Then Tonto got down from his horse and put his ear to the ground. He looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger looked at him and said, "Wow, that's amazing! How did you figure that out?"

Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Ear sticky!"

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The Lone Ranger and his faithful American Indian sidekick Tonto are riding the plains.

The Lone Ranger and his faithful native American sidekick Tonto are riding the plains. It's midwinter and bitterly cold so the heroic duo enter a saloon for a warming drink.

The bartender takes one look at Tonto and shouts: "Get him outtahere. We don' serve no Injuns!"

Faithful Tonto agrees to wait outside while the Lone Ranger has a quick drink. To keep warm he decides to run around his horse.

Alas the drink proved too enticing for the Lone Ranger and poor Tonto was soon forgotten.

Eventually after a few hours, a cowboy sauntered in, looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Is that your horse outside?"

"Yes, why?" asked the Lone Ranger.

The cowboy answered, "You've left your Injun runnin'."

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The Lone Ranger

Once, in the Wild, Wild West, the lone ranger was captured by an Indian tribe. The Chief of the tribe says, "I have heard of you, Lone Ranger. If you can impress me enough within three days, I will let you go free."

So, the Lone Ranger thinks hard for a few minutes and says, "May I have a minute alone with my horse?"

The Chief obliges him, and not 30 seconds later, the horse gallops out of the tent and runs away. The Chief is puzzled, but the Lone Ranger seems satisfied nonetheless. A few hours pass, but then the Lone Ranger's horse returns with an absolutely beautiful blonde girl, with whom the Lone Ranger spends the night.

The Chief is absolutely amazed, but not enough so to let the Lone Ranger go. So, the Lone Ranger asks to, again, hold council with his horse. And again, the horse gallops away, returning later with a redhead even more beautiful than the previous lady.

The next day, the Chief tells the Lone Ranger, although he is impressed, he is not going to let him go. So, the Lone Ranger asks to be left alone with his horse. After the tribe vacated the room, he whispers into the horse's ear very succinctly,

"Bring. Posse."

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The Lone Ranger get bit a snake

The lone Ranger and Tonto are out on the plains. The Lone Ranger somehow gets bitten on the penis by a poisonous snake.

He sends Tonto into the closest town to get a doctor and an antidote. The doctor says , 'There is no antidote for this, you're going to have to suck the poison out'.

Tonto races back out to the Lone Ranger. 'What did the doctor say?,' asked the Lone Ranger.

'Doctor said you're going to die.'

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge

And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"

And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"

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Tonto and the Lone Ranger are walking up a mountain...

When all of a sudden they see a beautiful blonde coming down the mountain by horseback.

Tonto goes up to the woman and says, "Some"

The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Tonto you idiot you're an Indian you are supposed to say HOW not SOME!!!"

Tonto Looks back at the Lone Ranger points at the woman and says, "No me know HOW, me want SOME."

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding through the prairie

When all of a sudden Tonto stops and puts his ear to the ground. The Lone Ranger says, "What are you doing Tonto?" Tonto says, Keemosabi, buffalo come!" The Lone Ranger then says, "How can you tell?" Tonto replies, Ear sticky."

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert...

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell YOU, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo. Someone stole tent."

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So the Lone Ranger and Tonto are being chased by the bad guys...

To see if they're being closed in on Tonto puts his ear to the ground to listen for the sound of horse hooves.

"Kimosabe, no soldiers chasing us, buffalo come."

"How do you know that?"

"Ear sticky."

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The Lone Ranger..

and Tonto were riding when all of a sudden they were surrounded by Indians. That was when Tonto informed the Lone Ranger that he was tired of being his sidekick and sold him out. Once in captivity the Lone Ranger was given one last request from the Indian chief. He requested to speak to his horse, Silver. He whispered into the horses ear and it took off, later returning with a beautiful naked woman, the Lone Ranger proceed to have sex with her. The Indian chief was very impressed with the feat he had just witnessed but was still going to kill him. The Lone Ranger asked to speak to his horse one more time and the chief obliged. The horse walked over and the Lone Ranger went to his ear and said " POSSE, YOU IDIOT I SAID POSSE!!"

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Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains

When Tonto stops suddenly, climbs down, and puts his ear to the ground.

Lone Ranger waits a few minutes, then asks Tonto, "What is it?"

Tonto said, "Buffalo come."

Lone Ranger asks, "How can you tell?"

Tonto replied, "Ear sticky."

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto . . .

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out in the desert. The Lone Ranger asked Tonto for the time. Tonto takes off his loin cloth, sporting a proud erection. Tonto looks at the shadow of his erection and says "It's 3:15".

The Lone Ranger checks his watch. Sure enough, it's 3:15.

Some time later the Lone Ranger again asks Tonto for the time. Again Tonto takes off his loin cloth, checks the shadow, and says "5:20".

Sure enough it's 5:20.

Later that night, the Lone Ranger walks into Tonto's teepee and catches him stroking himself. The Lone Ranger asks Tonto, what he is doing!

Tonto explains "me wind'em watch!".

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So the Lone Ranger and Tonto have been tasked with finding a herd of bison...

And they've been wandering about the plains for a while not finding much of anything, Tonto periodically sticking his ear to the ground to listen for the thundering of many hooves.

As Tonto is pressing his ear against the ground for the fourteenth time, the Lone Ranger spots a dark smudge on the horizon vaguely shaped like a large group of ungulates.

"Bison come," Tonto interrupts the Lone Ranger's day dreaming, his head snapping back to look at Tonto with wonderment.

"How can you tell? Is it the vibration of the ground from the herd over there?" He points.

"No." Tonto replies. "Ear sticky."

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where did the lone ranger take his trash to?

to the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.

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The Lone Ranger's last request

The bad guys have captured the Lone Ranger, have him naked on the ground, and are about to shoot him. "Do you have any last wishes??", one of them asks, "Bring my horse, Silver, over here.", the Lone Ranger replies.

They grant his wish and over comes Silver. The Lone Ranger whispers for a moment into Silver's ear. Then Silver disappears over the horizon like lightning. He returns in just a few seconds with a big, beautiful woman in the saddle. She hops off Silver, strips naked and in short order she and the Lone Ranger enjoy themselves to the utmost, much to the delight of the bad guys.

When they've finished, another bad guy says, "That looked like good fun. Do you have any other last wishes??"

"Yes ..bring my horse, Silver, over here one more time.", the Lone Ranger replies.

Silver approaches, and the Lone Ranger whispers into his ear, "You arse! I said bring the "POSSE" fer-pete's-sake... The Possie! -- not the pussy!!"

edit : spelling (lone/long)

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The Lone Ranger is in trouble now!

The lone ranger and Tonto are riding together, when suddenly they are surrounded by a group of Apache Indians, screaming like banshees and swinging warclubs.
The lone ranger takes a look at the war-painted pack of warriors howling for his blood, and yells to his faithful sidekick, "Looks like we might have to fight them off, Tonto!"
The lone ranger looks over his shoulder to see Tonto backing his horse away slowly.

"What you mean 'we', white man?"

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The Lobe Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert

When they come to a high hill they can see that they are surrounded by wild indians on all sides.
The Lone Ranger says This doesn't look good my friend, they look fierce and out for blood. What should we do?
Tonto reply's What do you mean we white man?

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"Me no like your horse, Trigger", says Tonto.

"Shut up and eat your damn dinner," says The Lone Ranger.

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The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado.

He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."

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Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

To the dump to the dump to the dump dump.dump, to the dump to the dump to the dump.dump dump...

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The Lone Ranger gets caught.

The Lone Ranger is caught by a group of Crow braves and buried up to his neck in sand. The leader of the braves tells him he has one last dying request, and so coolly and calmly he whistles to his horse Silver and Silver trots over and the Lone Ranger whispers something in his ear.

Immediately Silver bolts off into the distance and then quickly returns with a beautiful woman on his back, who gracefully slides off him and proceeds to lift her skirt, sit upon the Lone Ranger's face, and then writhe and buck in screaming ecstasy for a full five minutes before climbing off and walking away.

The crow are so amazed at this sight, and the depths of communication displayed between man and horse that they grant one more request, to which the Lone Ranger once again whistles Silver over, and in a voice of mild annoyance says, "I said a posse."

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Do you remember that episode of The Lone Ranger where Tonto got Alzheimer's?

Who's "me", kemosabe?

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Describe your latest laid with a movie title!

"The Lone Ranger"
"Home Alone"
"Bend It Like Beckham"

Now it's your turn!

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Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump-dump-dump!

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

are riding side by side across the plains when in the distance they see a cloud of dust approaching. As it gets closer they see it's an Indian war party, painted, whooping, swinging rifles and tomahawks, and riding hell bent for leather right for them. The Lone Ranger yells,"Quick Tonto, we have to kill the horses and make a barricade and fight off this war party!" Tonto turns to him and says, "Who's 'we', white man?"

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The Native Indian and the Lone Ranger.

One day the Native Indian and the Lone Ranger are out hunting. It's not long before the Native Indian decides to show the Lone Ranger how his people hunt and so puts his ear to the ground.

"Deer come" says the Native Indian, and not a second later a deer comes bounding through the grass past them. The Lone Ranger is obviously impressed and asks how he did it. The Native Indian taps the side of his nose.

Not long after the Native Indian puts his ear to the ground and says "Hare come", and not a second later a hare bounds out of the bushes past them. The Lone Ranger, once again impressed, asks how he does it. The Native Indian looks at him knowingly.

After a few minutes of walking the Native Indian once again puts his ear to the ground and says "buffalo come". But no buffalo appears. The Lone Rangers asks the Native Indian if he's sure. The Native Indian replies
"Yes. Ear is sticky".

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were hunting buffalo one day to no avail.

Tonto jumps off his horse, puts his ear to ground and says, "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."

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THE LONE RANGER WAS TIED UP.

BUT HE MANAGED TO WHISPER IN SILVERS EAR,THE HORSE RAN OFF AND RETURNED WITH A GUN,THE RANGER WHISPERED IN SILVERS EAR AGAIN AND AGAIN HE RAN OFF HE CAME BACK WITH A KNIFE, THE RANGER WHISPERED AGAIN THIS TIME SILVER CAME BACK WITH A NAKED GIRL ON HIS BACK AND THE RANGER SCREAMED ...STUPID HORSE I SAID BRING ME THE POSSE! !

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The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado.

He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."

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What did the Mexican doctor tell the Lone Ranger?

Estas muriendo. Tu necesitas chemo. Sabe?

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The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado.

He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."

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What are the most funny Lone Ranger jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lone Ranger? Well, here are the best Lone Ranger dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lone Ranger pick up lines to share with friends.

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