Lone Jokes

Discover some of the best jokes about being alone - from the Lone Ranger to a lone wolf, to smokey and Timbuktu. Find out why we love to laugh about our lone journeys through life and have some hilarious carnage along the way.

Laughter Lone Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

So the Lone Ranger and Tonto are being chased by the bad guys...

To see if they're being closed in on Tonto puts his ear to the ground to listen for the sound of horse hooves.

"Kimosabe, no soldiers chasing us, buffalo come."

"How do you know that?"

"Ear sticky."

Lone Survivor

The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says "You can't judge me for this, I had to survive." The rescue leader says "But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!"

Tonto and the Lone Ranger

Chased by i**..., the lone ranger and Tonto are galloping along when suddenly, Tonto stops, jumps down off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and listens. After a bit, he sits up and says 'BUFFALO COME!'

'how can you tell?' replies the lone ranger.

Tonto says 'Ear Sticky!'

The Lone Ranger is in trouble now!

The lone ranger and Tonto are riding together, when suddenly they are surrounded by a group of Apache Indians, screaming like banshees and swinging warclubs.
The lone ranger takes a look at the war-painted pack of warriors howling for his blood, and yells to his faithful sidekick, "Looks like we might have to fight them off, Tonto!"
The lone ranger looks over his shoulder to see Tonto backing his horse away slowly.

"What you mean 'we', white man?"

jokes about lone

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are walking up a mountain...

When all of a sudden they see a beautiful blonde coming down the mountain by horseback.

Tonto goes up to the woman and says, "Some"

The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Tonto you idiot you're an Indian you are supposed to say HOW not SOME!!!"

Tonto Looks back at the Lone Ranger points at the woman and says, "No me know HOW, me want SOME."

What do a lonely astronaut and your thumbs have in common?

They both hang out at the Space Bar.

I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden...

I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious-she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep, " replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

Lone joke, I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden...

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

where did the lone ranger take his trash to?

to the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.

I found a great online simulator of being the lone survivor of the human race.

It's called Google Plus.

Who's the loneliest Mexican

Juan

You can explore lone timbuktu reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lone lone ranger dad jokes. There are also lone puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the prairie. Then Tonto got down from his horse and put his ear to the ground. He looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger looked at him and said, "Wow, that's amazing! How did you figure that out?"

Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Ear sticky!"

What is the loneliest bayou in Louisiana?

Bayou self

What is the loneliest number?

My phone number, call me please!

#Please don't

The lone Ranger and Tonto

The lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses when Tonto falls off. He lands in a ditch. The lone Ranger walks up and says "Tonto are you ok"? Tonto puts his ear to the ground and remains quiet. The lone Ranger repeats himself and Tonto quiets him and says "buffalo come" the lone Ranger says " you can tell that by listening to the ground"? Tonto says "no, ground very sticky.

Lone joke, The lone Ranger and Tonto

What's the loneliest drink?

I dunno but its in a solo cup.

Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains

When Tonto stops suddenly, climbs down, and puts his ear to the ground.

Lone Ranger waits a few minutes, then asks Tonto, "What is it?"

Tonto said, "Buffalo come."

Lone Ranger asks, "How can you tell?"

Tonto replied, "Ear sticky."

Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push…

He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.

A lone s**... was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

I think there is nothing cooler than being a lone wolf.

except for at wolf picnics, when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.

Why should a lonesome man never have the s**... with a lemon?

... because of lemonaides!

A lonely man sits at the bar...

He watches a goofy looking little man sitting and talking to a gorgeous lady, eventually walking out arm in arm.
He asks the bartender "How does he do that?"
Bartender replies "I dunno. He's here every night, and takes home the prettiest lady in the bar every time. And all he does is sit back there in that booth and lick his eyebrows."

Why did the lonely clock call the lonely ruler?

Cause desperate times call for desperate measures.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding through the prairie

When all of a sudden Tonto stops and puts his ear to the ground. The Lone Ranger says, "What are you doing Tonto?" Tonto says, Keemosabi, buffalo come!" The Lone Ranger then says, "How can you tell?" Tonto replies, Ear sticky."

Lone joke, The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding through the prairie

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge

And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"

And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"

How many lonely guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. But he wishes it took two. :(

A woman walks into a bar with a gun and snarls "who had s**... with my husband!?"

In the back a lone nun raises their hand.

"My husband had s**... with a nun!?!" the woman exclaims.

The nun replies, "Actually I'm just a bus driver."

How lonely are you?

I'm so lonely I go to the batting cages to play catch.

Who's The Loneliest Man In The World?

I don't know, I've never met the guy

I saw a lonely young man sitting at the bar

He was softly singing to himself *21 today, 21 today*.
Feeling sorry for the lad I bought him a beer.
With a smile and a nod of the head he sings *22 today, 22 today*!

Tonto and The Lone Ranger we're riding their horses next to some train tracks..

They stop and hop off their horses. Tonto puts his ear onto the tracks and tells The Lone Ranger Buffalo come . The Lone Ranger says how do you know? . Tonto says my ear is stuck .

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.

Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.

Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer

Bad spirits, replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?

Chemo, sabe

Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.

Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?

Because that's the highest rating it could get

What's the worst rated US State on yelp?

The Lone Star State.

I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car

Now everyone waves at me

What is the loneliest cheese?

ProvAlone!

The Lone Ranger stops for a drink

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one hot, summer day. The Lone Ranger's horse is looking overheated so the Lone Ranger tells Tonto to run around in circles fanning the horse off.

Sometime later a cowboy walks into the saloon and asks "Who's horse is that out there with the silver saddle?"

"That would be me," says the Lone Ranger. "Well you left your i**... running."

Lonely superman

So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....

He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.

Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"

Who is the loneliness Reindeer on their birthday?

I know you're thinking it's probably Rudolph, but, let's just say no one wants to go to Donner party.

A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.

All he caught were catfish.

It's really lonely, being the smartest guy in the room.

Mainly because the room has to be empty before I am

What's the loneliest place in all of Louisiana ?

Bayou Self

TIL Texas is called the lone star state

because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system

Why is Texas called The Lone Star State?

To warn you about their Yelp rating….

"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden.

"I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious, she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep," replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

Texas is the Lone Star state.

Of course, that's out of a possible 5 stars.

Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Who is the most lonely billionaire?

Alone musk

I was at the zoo's aquatic exhibit, staring at the lone dolphin and pondering that I couldn't remember what noise they make.

Then it clicked.

No one is as lonely as a Jewish Jedi.

They have no force kin.

My wife and I were walking in Rome. The was a lone old guy at the other side of the street. My wife said, He looks like the Pope in civilian clothes. Go and ask!

So I crossed the road and asked the old man if he was indeed the Pope.

He said, F**k off.

I went back to my wife who eagerly asked, Well? Tell me, is he the Pope?

I said, He told me to f**k off.

Oh no, said my wife, Now we'll never know.

When a lonely frog consults a fortune-teller

he's told not to worry. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl," she says, "and she will want to know everything about you."

"That's great!" says the excited frog.

"When will I meet her?"

"Next semester," says the psychic, "in biology class."

I used to be so lonely, so I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car

Now wherever I go, everyone waves to me

What do you call asian man who is single

Lone lee

Why is Texas called the Lone Star state?

Because of all the one-star reviews

"If there are two idiots in the room, please stand up . . ."

The sarcastic teacher said this before surveying the room with a smarmy smile.

After a long silence, a lone student stands up in the middle of the classroom.

"I honestly didn't expect anyone to stand up. Mister, why do you consider yourself and an idiot?" The teacher asks this with a sneer.

"Well actually, I don't think I am," the student replied timidly, "but it didn't seem right to let you stand up alone."

I'm not a loner.

Well, I've never heard anyone ever call me one.

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the lone singular puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working lone lone wolf piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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