Lone Jokes
117 lone jokes and hilarious lone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the best jokes about being alone - from the Lone Ranger to a lone wolf, to smokey and Timbuktu. Find out why we love to laugh about our lone journeys through life and have some hilarious carnage along the way.
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Funniest Lone Short Jokes
Short lone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lone humour may include short solitary jokes also.
- When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.
- If you ever feel lonely... just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.
- TIL Texas is called the lone star state because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system
- I was feeling very lonely the other day so I bought some stocks. It's nice to have a bit of company.
- I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day.. Or you can just take the whole thing.
- Why was e^x so lonely at the party? Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.
- I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push… He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.
- How do you know archeologists are lonely? Theyre always coming up with new dating techniques.
- What does Happy Meal and a lonely girl have in common? They both come with a toy in the box.
- A fool proof way to never feel lonely. If you're ever feeling lonely, watch a horror movie. You won't feel alone anymore.
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Lone One Liners
Which lone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lone? I can suggest the ones about single and solo.
- I was feeling lonely, so I bought some shares. It's nice to have some company.
- Why is Texas called the Lone Star state? Because of all the one-star reviews
- Texas is the Lone Star state. Of course, that's out of a possible 5 stars.
- I was feeling a bit lonely so I bought some stock Now I have a bit of company.
- If you ever feel lonely, buy stocks. You will have company
- I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car Now everyone waves at me
- No one is as lonely as a Jewish Jedi. They have no force kin.
- There are 27 bones in the human hand... and 28 when I'm lonely.
- If you ever feel lonely, watch a scary movie Then you won't feel so lonely anymore.
- Why is Texas called the Lone Star State? Because that's the highest rating it could get
- I was feeling lonely, so I bought some stock shares. It's nice to have a bit of company.
- Why is Texas called The Lone Star State? To warn you about their Yelp rating….
- Who is the most lonely billionaire? Alone musk
- Why is the retired palaeontologist so lonely? He's always dating himself
- How do ginger people make friends? I'm being serious, it's getting kinda lonely here.
Lone Ranger Jokes
Here is a list of funny lone ranger jokes and even better lone ranger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- where did the lone ranger take his trash to? to the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
- They have announced a new Lone Ranger Movie. The Lone Ranger Goes To Canada
or Onto Toronto Pronto Tonto. - Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? To the dump to the dump to the dump dump.dump, to the dump to the dump to the dump.dump dump...
- Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump-dump-dump!
- Describe your latest laid with a movie title! "The Lone Ranger"
"Home Alone"
"Bend It Like Beckham"
Now it's your turn! - The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado. He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."
- Do you remember that episode of The Lone Ranger where Tonto got Alzheimer's? Who's "me", kemosabe?
- The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado. He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."
- The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado. He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."
- What did the Mexican doctor tell the Lone Ranger? Estas muriendo. Tu necesitas chemo. Sabe?
Lone Wolf Jokes
Here is a list of funny lone wolf jokes and even better lone wolf puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think there is nothing cooler than being a lone wolf. except for at wolf picnics, when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.
- So this is society.. Muslim Shooter = entire religion guilty
Black Shooter = entire race guilty
White shooter = mentally troubled lone wolf - In another news, a t**... attack has blown away two houses, One made of straws and one made of wood. Police believe that the suspect is a lone wolf.
Lone Survivor Jokes
Here is a list of funny lone survivor jokes and even better lone survivor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I found a great online simulator of being the lone survivor of the human race. It's called Google Plus.
Laughter Lone Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about lone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean single man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lone pranks.
This one lonely crow has been cawing out my window since 5am
I hope he gets murdered soon, I want to get back to sleep
A Lonely Weekend
A West Virginia man decided to go to the mountains for the weekend. After the first day he became somewhat lonely and hired an e**.... When she arrived, he invited her in and they were about to seal the deal when she asked "Before we start, what's your mother's maiden name?" Puzzled, the man told her and everything continued as planned. When she was on her way out after being paid, she handed him $20 back. "What's this for?" he asked. "Family discount."
So the lone ranger and Tonto are being chased by the bad guys...
To see if they're being closed in on Tonto puts his ear to the ground to listen for the sound of horse hooves.
"Kimosabe, no soldiers chasing us, buffalo come."
"How do you know that?"
"Ear sticky."
Lone Survivor
The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says "You can't judge me for this, I had to survive." The rescue leader says "But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!"
Tonto and the Lone Ranger
Chased by i**..., the lone ranger and Tonto are galloping along when suddenly, Tonto stops, jumps down off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and listens. After a bit, he sits up and says 'BUFFALO COME!'
'how can you tell?' replies the lone ranger.
Tonto says 'Ear Sticky!'
The Lone Ranger is in trouble now!
The lone ranger and Tonto are riding together, when suddenly they are surrounded by a group of Apache Indians, screaming like banshees and swinging warclubs.
The lone ranger takes a look at the war-painted pack of warriors howling for his blood, and yells to his faithful sidekick, "Looks like we might have to fight them off, Tonto!"
The lone ranger looks over his shoulder to see Tonto backing his horse away slowly.
"What you mean 'we', white man?"
Tonto and the Lone Ranger are walking up a mountain...
When all of a sudden they see a beautiful blonde coming down the mountain by horseback.
Tonto goes up to the woman and says, "Some"
The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Tonto you idiot you're an Indian you are supposed to say HOW not SOME!!!"
Tonto Looks back at the Lone Ranger points at the woman and says, "No me know HOW, me want SOME."
What do a lonely astronaut and your thumbs have in common?
They both hang out at the Space Bar.
The Lone Ranger..
and Tonto were riding when all of a sudden they were surrounded by Indians. That was when Tonto informed the Lone Ranger that he was tired of being his sidekick and sold him out. Once in captivity the Lone Ranger was given one last request from the Indian chief. He requested to speak to his horse, Silver. He whispered into the horses ear and it took off, later returning with a beautiful n**... woman, the Lone Ranger proceed to have s**... with her. The Indian chief was very impressed with the feat he had just witnessed but was still going to kill him. The Lone Ranger asked to speak to his horse one more time and the chief obliged. The horse walked over and the Lone Ranger went to his ear and said " POSSE, YOU IDIOT I SAID POSSE!!"
I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden...
I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious-she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep, " replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?
I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.
THE LONE RANGER WAS t**....
BUT HE MANAGED TO WHISPER IN SILVERS EAR,THE HORSE RAN OFF AND RETURNED WITH A GUN,THE RANGER WHISPERED IN SILVERS EAR AGAIN AND AGAIN HE RAN OFF HE CAME BACK WITH A KNIFE, THE RANGER WHISPERED AGAIN THIS TIME SILVER CAME BACK WITH A n**... g**... HIS BACK AND THE RANGER SCREAMED ...s**... HORSE I SAID BRING ME THE POSSE! !
Who's the loneliest Mexican
Juan
The Lone Ranger and Tonto
The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"
Why was the lonely instantiated object always asked to sit in the hallway at school?
Because only friends were allowed to access the class.
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the prairie. Then Tonto got down from his horse and put his ear to the ground. He looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger looked at him and said, "Wow, that's amazing! How did you figure that out?"
Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Ear sticky!"
What is the loneliest bayou in louisiana?
Bayou self
The investigation of Ceres was pretty dull and uneventful in general.
Except for the discoveries in 2015, those were the two lone bright spots.
What is the loneliest number?
My phone number, call me please!
#Please don't
The lone Ranger and Tonto
The lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses when Tonto falls off. He lands in a ditch. The lone Ranger walks up and says "Tonto are you ok"? Tonto puts his ear to the ground and remains quiet. The lone Ranger repeats himself and Tonto quiets him and says "buffalo come" the lone Ranger says " you can tell that by listening to the ground"? Tonto says "no, ground very sticky.
What's the loneliest drink?
I dunno but its in a solo cup.
What are the loneliest elements?
The noble gases, because they can't form bonds
There once was a whole bunch of Grainger stores in an area, now there's just one...
The Lone Grainger
Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains
When Tonto stops suddenly, climbs down, and puts his ear to the ground.
Lone Ranger waits a few minutes, then asks Tonto, "What is it?"
Tonto said, "Buffalo come."
Lone Ranger asks, "How can you tell?"
Tonto replied, "Ear sticky."
Why is a lonely guy with a hard-on like a kitten stuck in a tree?
Because it's easier to get it up than to *get down*
What's the loneliest nombre?
Juan
There once was a lonely, ill-informed belt...
I guess you could say he was out of the loop.
I'll see myself out.
Sherlock and Watson were walking through an orchard...
As they walk Watson keeps asking Sherlock to identify the trees they are seeing. After some time they approach a clearing and in the centre is a lone tree.
Watson asks "Sherlock what is that tree with yellow skinned fruit?"
Sherlock smiles and replies "That's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"
Lonely Obama
What is the previous president, Mr. Barack's, go to song when he is lonely?
.
.
O-ba-ma-self..don't wanna be!
What is the loneliest kind of cheese?
Prov-alone
Why should a lonesome man never have the s**... with a lemon?
... because of lemonaides!
What did the lonely man with insomnia say?
Sleep and s**... are the same to me, but I can't get either of them.
A lonely man sits at the bar...
He watches a goofy looking little man sitting and talking to a gorgeous lady, eventually walking out arm in arm.
He asks the bartender "How does he do that?"
Bartender replies "I dunno. He's here every night, and takes home the prettiest lady in the bar every time. And all he does is sit back there in that booth and lick his eyebrows."
Why did the lonely clock call the lonely ruler?
Cause desperate times call for desperate measures.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding through the prairie
When all of a sudden Tonto stops and puts his ear to the ground. The Lone Ranger says, "What are you doing Tonto?" Tonto says, Keemosabi, buffalo come!" The Lone Ranger then says, "How can you tell?" Tonto replies, Ear sticky."
I'm really lonely. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Although that's because I have no enemies to wish it on.
The Lobe Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert
When they come to a high hill they can see that they are surrounded by wild indians on all sides.
The Lone Ranger says This doesn't look good my friend, they look fierce and out for blood. What should we do?
Tonto reply's What do you mean we white man?
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge
And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"
And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"
How many lonely guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. But he wishes it took two. :(
What did the lonely guy say when he bought some stock?
It's nice to finally have some company.
sometimes when i get lonely i just get hard in bed and lay there
it's nice to act like there's a hand on my shoulder
(discla8mer i'm drunk i'm sorry if this doesn't make sense)
If a lonely musician is meeting up with others for the first time ...
... is he putting a band-date on his pain?
for all the lonely alcoholics out there
myself included
we are, for better and for worse,
bound to have moods depending on
the number of drinks in us
we are pourly adjusted.
A woman walks into a bar with a gun and snarls "who had s**... with my husband!?"
In the back a lone nun raises their hand.
"My husband had s**... with a nun!?!" the woman exclaims.
The nun replies, "Actually I'm just a bus driver."
How lonely are you?
I'm so lonely I go to the batting cages to play catch.
Who's The Loneliest Man In The World?
I don't know, I've never met the guy
I got very lonely lately, so I bought some shares.
It's much nicer having some company.
I saw a lonely young man sitting at the bar
He was softly singing to himself *21 today, 21 today*.
Feeling sorry for the lad I bought him a beer.
With a smile and a nod of the head he sings *22 today, 22 today*!
Tonto and The Lone Ranger we're riding their horses next to some train tracks..
They stop and hop off their horses. Tonto puts his ear onto the tracks and tells The Lone Ranger Buffalo come . The Lone Ranger says how do you know? . Tonto says my ear is stuck .
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
What's the worst rated US State on yelp?
The Lone Star State.
What is the loneliest cheese?
ProvAlone!
The Lone Ranger stops for a drink
The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one hot, summer day. The Lone Ranger's horse is looking overheated so the Lone Ranger tells Tonto to run around in circles fanning the horse off.
Sometime later a cowboy walks into the saloon and asks "Who's horse is that out there with the silver saddle?"
"That would be me," says the Lone Ranger. "Well you left your i**... running."
Lonely superman
So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....
He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.
Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"
Who is the loneliness reindeer on their birthday?
I know you're thinking it's probably Rudolph, but, let's just say no one wants to go to Donner party.
A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.
All he caught were catfish.
It's really lonely, being the smartest guy in the room.
Mainly because the room has to be empty before I am
What's the loneliest place in all of Louisiana ?
Bayou Self
"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden.
"I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious, she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep," replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it
I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
I was at the zoo's aquatic exhibit, staring at the lone dolphin and pondering that I couldn't remember what noise they make.
Then it clicked.
My wife and I were walking in Rome. The was a lone old guy at the other side of the street. My wife said, He looks like the Pope in civilian clothes. Go and ask!
So I crossed the road and asked the old man if he was indeed the Pope.
He said, F**k off.
I went back to my wife who eagerly asked, Well? Tell me, is he the Pope?
I said, He told me to f**k off.
Oh no, said my wife, Now we'll never know.
