Log Jokes
118 log jokes and hilarious log puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about log that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Log Jokes are sure to make you smile! Whether it’s the Patle Log, the natural log, the lincoln log, or the wood log, these log-based puns will have you laughing in no time. Learn to “swipe log” and become a true logger or arborist of comedy!
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Funniest Log Short Jokes
Short log jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The log humour may include short swipe jokes also.
- A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees. How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
Easy. I keep a log. - If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder... Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'
- So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ... y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."
- I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.
- A passer by asked a tree surgeon how many trees he has cut down... Surgeon: Exactly 178,794
Passerby: Wow, how do you know that?
Surgeon: I keep a log - My father asked for the Wi-Fi password... It's taped under the modem, I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M? - "Doctor, help me. I've been sleeping like a log." Doctor: "So how is that a problem?"
Patient: "I keep waking up in the fireplace." - I log in facebook to see that everyone is at the bar... I go to the bar to see that everyone is on facebook.
- Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees? Because its natural log is 1.
I'll show myself out now. - Did you know that the 16th presidency had the best records kept? I think they were called the Lincoln Logs.
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Log One Liners
Which log one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with log? I can suggest the ones about natural log and wood log.
- What do you call a dog with no legs? Log
- What did they find in the toilet in the star ship Enterprise? The captain's log.
- Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'
- How does a tree access the internet? It logs on.
- What did Euler find in his toilet? A natural log
- What does a mathematicion find in a forest? A natural log.
- How does Yoda spend his time. He mostly just sits on his log, watching the Dagobah.
- I logged on to Reddit today and was promised Fame, Fortune, and Women The cake was a lie.
- What do you call three logs in a bed? A Treesome
- What does Captain Kirk do on the toilet ? He makes a Captain's log
- What is a lumberjacks favorite online activity? Logging in.
- Captain's log... ...has clogged the toilet again. He really needs a change of diet.
- What do lumberjacks do when they're about to finish work? Log off.
- How do lumberjacks work from home? They Log In
- Slept like a log last night Woke up in the fireplace.
Natural Log Jokes
Here is a list of funny natural log jokes and even better natural log puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like my women like I like the constant 'e' infinite in number and at the base of my natural log
- What do environmentally friendly mathematicians use to make a fire? Natural Logs
Just though of this sitting in class, please don't hurt me - What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural logs.
- What is the mathematician's favorite pick-up line? Hey baby, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?
- What's the integral of 1/(cabin)? A natural log cabin.
- Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus? So he'd use natural logs!
- A natural log with her own show ln(DeGeneres)
- What Do Mathematicians Make In The Bathroom? Natural logs.
- What do you call a fallen tree in a forest? Natural log.
Sorry about the math joke. - Anyone ever heard of the talk show about calculus? It's called the Natural Log Degeneres Show.
Wood Log Jokes
Here is a list of funny wood log jokes and even better wood log puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had a suspicion that a robot might be stealing my wood So I checked its log files.
- "How long have you been chopping wood for?" "I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"
- I got my friend a house warming present I got him a bag of logs for his wood burner
- How much wood would a Jamaican mathematician chuck if a Jamaican mathematician would chuck wood? Log base tree often
(Jamaican accent: log base 3 of 10) - Ever since I failed Calculus I can't go into the woods There's too many natural logs for my liking
- What part of a ship is always made of wood? Its log.
Log Cabin Jokes
Here is a list of funny log cabin jokes and even better log cabin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a cabin get on the internet? It logs in.
- A little engineer humor ∫ dx/cabin = log(cabin)
- Did you know that Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin? That he built.
Lincoln Log Jokes
Here is a list of funny lincoln log jokes and even better lincoln log puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a spreadsheet of all the Abe Lincoln reposts. I call them my Lincoln logs.
- What did Abraham Lincoln names his wiener? The Lincoln Log!
- Who doesn't like lincoln logs john wilkes blocks
- When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
Comical & Quirky Log Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about log you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean birch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make log pranks.
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid.
The secretary says, I have a check here for cutting down 236 trees this week.
The lumberjack replies, I actually cut down 237 trees.
Are you sure? , says the secretary, Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.
Sure, I'm sure, replies the lumberjack. I kept a log .
Noah and the snakes
According to the Bible, Noah built an ark and brought a pair of each animals on board to survive a flood. When the ark ran aground Noah told the animals to go forth and multiply.
The snakes told Noah We can't multiply, we're adders.
Noah gathered some driftwood tree trunks and built a platform for the snakes. Even adders can multiply when given a log table.
You might have to be older than me to understand this. People on reddit who are older than me are rare, but they exist.
Password reset
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am registered as a s**... offender
...but where do I log in?
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks, but the crew threw him a party on his birthday and went out of their way to get him drunk. The next morning he woke up with a hangover, and went to the bridge. He opened the ship's log and found that the captain had written, "The first mate got drunk last night". He complained to the captain saying that it was very rare. The captain defended his entry saying that it was the truth, wasn't it? The next day the captain opened the ship's log, and the first mate had written, "The captain was able to stay sober last night."
Ship captain is in charge of keeping ship's log.
He notes "NE wind, calm sea, today first mate is drunk." After seeing that first mate asks captain to remove the note about him as it would harm his career. "No, I can't do that" declines the captain "we only write the truth in the log." Seeing there is nothing he can do first mate drops the issue. Next day it's his turn to keep the log and he writes "N wind, calm sea, today the captain is sober."
Words from the mathematician's Bible
And the Lord spoke to the animals, and he said "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came up to him and said "Oh Lord, forgive us, but we cannot fulfill your commandment, we cannot multiply, for we are adders".
"Go and cut down the trees and build furniture out of them", said the Lord, "for with the aid of log tables, adders can multiply"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hear that soon Reddit will require all redditors to don a cowboy hat / boots, and dance a j**... in order to log in…
I'm not a big fan of Two-Step Authentication.
I've got a high tech toilet that's connected to the Wi-Fi and I just received a notification.
There was an unexpected log in...
An elephant was drinking out of the river one day...
When he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log.
The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.
A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, "Why did you do that?"
The elephant replied, "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago."
The giraffe said, "Wow, what a memory you've got!"
"Yes," said the elephant, proudly. "Turtle recall."
Facebook will reveal what information about you was leaked in recent years.
Just log in and fill out this quiz on our new app.
My banking app gives me lots of positive feedback
Every time I log in it tells me my balance is outstanding!
help me figure out this riddle!
a farmer has 2 sons. one is a "good boy" and the other is "a bump on a log". the farmer takes his cow into town and sells it to a butcher. then he goes to a watchmaker and buys a watch. WHO DOES HE GIVE THE WATCH TO?
this is some dutch riddle, so the "" are translated words
Mommy and Daddy rabbit were enjoying a splendid afternoon in the woods.
Suddenly, the sound of hunting dogs shattered their idyllic time together. They ran for their lives. The dogs were relentless. Finally the two terrified bunnies took shelter in a hollow log. The dogs had them trapped. The situation seemed hopeless.
Daddy looked at Mommy and said "Well, we'll just have to outnumber them."
How do IT guys take a dump?
They log out.
If Kenny Loggins forgets his WiFi password...
Ken he log in?
My doctor asked me to keep track of my bowel movements, I said how?
He said keep a log
How did the mathematician sleep?
Like a log
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a big m**... and a little m**... sitting on a log.
The big m**... fell off!! Why didn't the little one?
Because, he was a little more on!!!
- this was my FAVORITE joke as a kid. I still like it.
How do trees go number two in the forest?
They drop a log!
What does captain Picard say when he's getting frisky with a woman?
The captain's log... is ready for entry
Why did the tree fall on the computer?
It wanted to log in.
How do trees talk to each other before the internet?
They barked, but now they just log on
Why Did Spock Use Kirk's Bathroom?
...Because he wanted to see the Captain's log
Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers
They only know how to log out.
How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?
He keeps a log
What did Picard say after a sh*t?
>!Captain's log.!<
What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?
Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.
What did the deputy find in the sheriff's toilet?
The police log
What does a programmer do in the toilet?
A log dump!
I have started sleeping in our fireplace.
Now I sleep like a log.
How do you escape an angry lumberjack on the internet?
You log off
How does an arborist maintain his business?
He keeps a log of every tree he cuts down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it called p**... and not
Log in!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wood b**...
I once saw a carpenter making b**... from a wooden log. Decided not to insult him by making a joke of it. It would have been silly.
Wooden-t**... !!!
Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.
The first ant says, I'm going to sleep in the sink
The second ant says, I'll sleep in the tub
The third ant says, I'll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!
The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, I slept great last night!
The second ant says, I also had a great sleep!
The third ant says, I hardly slept at all! It rained, thundered, and a log fell on my head!
I tried joining a lumberjack site for some strength tips
I couldn't log in.
Explaining to my Married Friends how Tinder works.
Me : So you swipe right if you like them and swipe left if you don't like
Them : Ohhhhhh
Me : So basically you need to log in to the Facebook account to access the app.
Them : Ohhhhhh
Me : Don't worry nothing gets posted on Facebook
Them : Ohhhhhh
P. S - Only Married Folks understand the subtle difference in the Ohhhhhhs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two rabbits were chased by hounds
They ran until they couldn't run anymore. Holed up in a hollow log, the rabbits were safely out of reach while the hounds bayed outside.
The boy rabbit looked at the girl rabbit and asked, "What do we do now?"
"We stay here until we outnumber them."
- w**... Guthrie
My wife is a paralegal and said there's no such thing as "paralegal jokes," here's my attempt: How many paralegals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four. One to screw in the bulb, one to log the bulb paperwork into the system, one to draft a summary on the changing of the bulb, and one to submit a report confirming the other two submitted their reports.
How did the lumberjack cure his constipation?
He dropped a log.
forever alone
Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable.
So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook.
Where does the lumber mill keep their records?
In log books
You know what they say
If the water slide is broken, the log ride's still open!
Maintenance log, stardate 41153.7: Today I found the Captain's Log.
I must, once again, remind him to flush after he is done, and the chef to change his diet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the student that hooked up with his math teacher?
She really expanded his natural log.
logᵧ(x) walks into a bar
The bartender asks, "y the log base?"
What does Picard do just before he goes down with his ship?
Captains final log
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a tree that smokes w**...?
Snoop Log
Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise?
He was looking for the Captain's log.
Security measures.
Web site log in: Sorry, your password 257EeffQ@# is not secure enough.
-
Cash machine login 1234: Here's your 1000 dollars.
Lumberjacks are good at maths because of their log rhythms
Thanks, HL Math.
