Lodged Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear

One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...

...no strings attached!

Guy walks into bar

Wanting to know who owns the Great Dane tied up outside because his dog just killed said Great Dane.

A man at the bar stands up obviously perplexed and says what kind of dog do you have that it just killed my Great Dane?

Other man responds proudly he owns a Chiwawa.

You're saying your Chiwawa killed my Great Dane? Not really believing what he was hearing.

Yes other man responds my dog got lodged in your dogs throat

A Boy chokes on a coin

A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his throat. His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. "Thank you so much, doctor!" the mother said.
"Oh, I'm not a doctor, ma'am," said the man. "I work for the IRS"

A patient was admitted due to 5 toy horses lodged up his rectum.

He was reported to be in stable condition.

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor

and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a $20 bill lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another $10 bill appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the ten and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit." says Paddy "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

The doctors rushed quickly to remove the bullet which was lodged in his artery...

But it turns out it was all in vain

Peeing Bullets

A woman pregnant with triplets is in a bank, all of a sudden robbers walk in start shooting up the place, the woman is shot and gets rushed to the hospital.
After surgery and recovery the doctor comes in and tells her that a bullet got lodged in each fetus but they will be alright and the bullets will find their way out naturally in a few years.
14 years later one of the kids comes home, pale and scared to death, Mom asks what wrong and he says when he was at school, while peeing something came out of his penis, the mom explains everything and cools him down.
A couple of days later the second kid comes home with the same story and she explains everything to him as well.
Sometime later the third kid comes into the house scared to death and crying, Mom asks:"what's the matter honey ? did something weird happen when you were peeing? " and the kid responds:"No, I was jerking off in the yard and suddenly I shot the dog"
*

"tastes like shrimp"

So my first summer job was at the local funeral home. The first body I had to prepare for a service was a middle aged woman who had been found floating in the bay. Her body was severely bloated from being in the water as long as she was. Upon further inspection I had found a large shrimp halfway lodged in her vagina. I notified the funeral director about the odd discovery. He informed me that it was not a jumbo shrimp but instead it was her clitoris, and it had been swollen due to the drowning just like the rest of her body. I contested the fact that it was indeed a large crustacean. He quickly became irritated as to why I would continue to argue this fact. I was fired immediately after I replied

"Well it tasted like shrimp"

A pregnant mother of three is walking down a alley...

The Mother gets shot 3 times and each bullet gets lodged in each of the babies with no serious damage done to the mother or the babies. Months later the babys are born, two beautiful girls and a boy. One day the one of the little girls goes to the bathroom and comes out and says to the mother "mommy! mommy! Guess what?!" And the mom asks "what?" And the little girl says "I went tinkle and the bullet fell out!" And the mother says "wow that's great!" A few hours later the other little girl goes into the bathroom and comes out and says "mommy! Mommy! Guess what?" And the mom goes "what, you went tinkle and the bullet fell out?" And the girl goes "yeah!" Hours later the little boy runs up the mother and says "Mommy! Mommy! Guess what?" And the mom says "what, You went tinkle and the bullet fell out?" And the boy says "No I was jacking off and I shot the dog!!"

An Irish man goes to the doctor...

An Irish man goes to the Doctor...

"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

"Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 note appears.

"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990 exactly."

The patient then says...

"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

What happened to the man who had a Disney character lodged up his rectum?

He had the Mickey taken out of him

Patient: I have a strawberry lodged in my anus.

Doctor: I have some cream for that.

A man was rushed to hospital with a dozen toy horses lodged in his rectum

His condition is now stable.

I joined my local gym the other day

and found a hole in my trainer just big enough to put my finger in. She has lodged a formal complaint.

A pregnant mother of triplets is walking down a alley....

The Mother gets shot 3 times and each bullet gets lodged in each of the babies with no serious damage done to the mother or the babies. Months later the babys are born, two beautiful girls and a boy. One day the one of the little girls goes to the bathroom and comes out and says to the mother "mommy! mommy! Guess what?!" And the mom asks "what?" And the little girl says "I went tickle and the bullet fell out!" And the mother says "wow that's great!" A few hours later the other little girl goes into the bathroom and comes out and says "mommy! Mommy! Guess what?" And the mom goes "what, you went tickle and the bullet fell out?" And the girl goes "yeah!" Hours later the little boy runs up the mother and says "Mommy! Mommy! Guess what?" And the mom says "what, You went tickle and the bullet fell out?" And the boy says "No I was jacking off and I shot the dog!!"
(A very old joke I thought you guys would like)

Is there anything better than a good ol slap on the back..

to help you get out that last stubborn turd lodged up your sphincter?

What are the funniest lodged jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Lodged? Well, here are the best Lodged puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Lodged pick up lines to share with friends.

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