Locks Jokes
54 locks jokes and hilarious locks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about locks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? Check out this collection of jokes about locks and locksmiths! From nine locks with matching curls to the fun of a keyhole, you'll be sure to get some chuckles.
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Funniest Locks Short Jokes
Short locks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The locks humour may include short locking jokes also.
- Why do anti-vaxxers not lock their bikes? Because they know someone whose locked bike was still stolen.
- I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.
- EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that... [This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]
- I accidentally locked my key in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
- I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
- What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
- What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
- Your dog loves you more than your wife does. Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
- The thing I learned from beauty and the beast: Any girl can fall in love with you given you lock her in the basement long enough.
- I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage. Apparently it was bread in captivity.
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Locks One Liners
Which locks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with locks? I can suggest the ones about locked and unlock.
- If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up... He should have just hired her!
- I like my women like I like my wine 12 years old and locked in the basement
- What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn o into an O .
- I like my women like I like my bikes. Chained up and locked down in my garage.
- I just learned how to lock pick Its opened so many doors for me
- What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison? They both turn "o" into "O".
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- I went to a store that sells door locks for little people. Low key, it was pretty nice.
- What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable.
- Why don't jamaican people secure their homes? Because they dread locks
- Why did the black man walk into a bar? Because the cell door was still locked.
- What do you call a lock with low self-confidence? Insecure.
- Learning to pick locks really opened a lot of doors for me
- What do you call Elsa when she locked herself in her room for years? Iceolated
- The local wig shop got broken into last night They've had to replace all the locks
Uplifting Locks Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about locks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lock unlock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make locks pranks.
A blonde woman locks her keys inside her car...
And so she calls a locksmith to open it. When the locksmith (who is also blonde) gets there she pulls out her Slim Jim tool to open the door when she notices a problem, the driver side window to the car is wide open.
The locksmith looks to the driver and says, "Ma'am I can't use this tool on a door when the window is open, you're going to have to close it first."
Men Will Be Men
Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ),
in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says : If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours....
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
"What's wrong ?" King asks.
.
.
.
.
Out of breath, his friend answers, "It is the wrong Key...!! "
The Married Man's Best Friend Test
A married man decides to find out who really is his best friend, his wife or his dog. he takes both of them and locks them in the trunk of his car. after an hour he opens the trunk.
Which one is happy to see him?
What's a theif's favorite dance move?
Poppin' locks
Who are you and how did you get in here?
I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith.
Why don't tents have locks.
Because black people don't go camping.
Last Valentine's day I recieved so many cards from my girlfriends that I couldn't open the front door...
Because my wife had the locks changed
A German man walks into a bar..
He stops midway, locks eyes with the bartender and announces: "This is a scheduled stop."
A golden retriever walks into a bar
Stop reading if you heard this one before. The dog sits at the bar, locks eyes with the bartender and wearily says "One beer, one shot, please."
The bartender says "Holy moly! A talking dog! You should be in the circus, buddy!"
The goldie says "Why? Do they need an electrician?"
Why are locksmiths in Japan cooler than the rest of the world's locksmiths?
Because in Japan they're rocksmiths. 🤘
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
now if i were a diamond ring, where would i hide ...
Why did the blonde keep coat hangers under her seat?
In case she locks her keys in her car.
Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?
Every time somebody goes in a bathroom and locks the door, you take four shots.
Why don't bald people use keys?
Because they don't have any locks
A priest and a man are sitting on a bench.
Man : forgive me father, for i have sinned.
Priest : What have you done my son?
M : Everytime it rains i r**... someone. A month ago it was raining and i r**... my aunt.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : a week ago it was raining again and i r**... my neighbour.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : just yesterday i r**... my daughter.
*The priest runs into the church and locks the door.*
M : father, what are you doing?
P : It's starting to rain.
I Bought A Car. It Is So White...
It locks its own doors when it goes through a black neighborhood.
Picking locks
Learning how to pick locks has opened many doors for me.
I have 6 locks on my door...
When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Jehovah's Witnesses
Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?
Me: Of course! please come in!
[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]
Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!
I got so many Valentine's cards this year I couldn't get through the front door.
My wife had changed the locks.
Today I walked in on my wife and best friend
It was bad enough that he never locks the bathroom door, but now she's doing it too!
Two students and a teacher want to have s**... with foreign exchange students.
One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"
The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"
The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."
I went to locksmithing school
I learned some key information
My dad is always embarrassed about cutting himself while getting rid of his beard, so he locks himself in the bathroom...
I guess he's just trying to shave face
A guy lives in my building with the ability to change locks and unclog drains at will
He has super powers
c**... pun
me: you know how sometimes caps lock locks you out of a website ,because you forgot to turn it off when typing the password
human society: yes
me: I guess caps lock is awfully shifty
A Chassidic Jew walks into a bar...
He's wearing a long black frock coat, his ear locks are curled and dangling, and he's got a large bullfrog just sitting on his shoulder. The bartender turns around, sees him, and says, "hey, where'd you get that thing?" The bullfrog croaks, "in Brooklyn, there's hundreds of them!"
By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...
... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.
Knowing how to pick locks
Really opened a lot of doors for me.
Just learned how to pick locks the other day!
A lot of doors have opened up for me since then.
When I told my friend I was getting a Jeep he was hating on it saying s**... like "What about the glaciers and the rainforests?"
I was like "Bro, this thing has 4WD Low Range and diff locks, it'll handle that s**... easily"
A businessman interviews a mathematician, an accountant, and an economist for a job
A businessman interviews a mathematician, an accountant, and an economist for a job. He asks them, What is 2 + 2?
The mathematician answers, Exactly 4.
The accountant replies, Depending on what your interest, depreciation, and taxes are, approximately 2.
The economist walks over to the door, shuts and locks it, closes the blinds on the window, and leans over and softly asks, What do you want it to be?
A man decided to march in the holy crusades...
Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. What's wrong?' he asks.
You gave me the wrong key!
I have a locksmith joke….
….but I don't think it's safe
King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.
It will be called "The Changing of the Locks"
(with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)
