locking Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious locking puns

I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe sex.

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What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.

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What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.

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What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

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What's worse than locking your keys in you car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger

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What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?

When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

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What's worse than locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic?

Going in and asking for a coat hanger.

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What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.

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I had this sexy girl, flat on her back...

I had this sexy girl, flat on her back outside a club last night. We were locking lips, it was getting passionate and hot, then some people started to gather around and watch.
To put on a show, I thought I'd slip a few fingers into her pussy while I gently kissed her neck.

Her friends looked at each other and said, "I don't think this boy really knows CPR."

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Little Joe was at the farm, when he saw a dead chicken.

It was lying on its back, rigor mortis locking its legs in the air. He asks his dad why the chicken has his legs in the air. Dad, who's not exactly the brightest fellow, tells him that it's so that Jesus can reach down and pull them to heaven.

Later, at the family reunion, Joe runs to his dad crying.

"What's the matter?" Asked dad, concerned.

Little Joey cries "Mum nearly died! She was on her back with her legs in the air screaming 'Jesus I'm coming!' If it wasn't for uncle bruce holding her down she would've been gone forever!"

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What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask for a coat hanger

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What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

both can be solved with a coat hanger

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The naked cowboy

**Naked Cowboy**

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......

I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy.. '

'And here I am.'

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My son said he couldn't sleep last night because of the thunder.

I feel bad for locking him out now.

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Some women love playing hard to get.

Closing their blinds, locking their doors, calling the police...

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Little Jimmy is sitting on the floor playing with his toy trains

A man walks in and says to little Jimmy,

Jimmy! I am you from the future!

Awesome! Says little Jimmy. What do I become in the future ?

A paedophile... he replied, locking the door.

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The statue lovers

Two ancient statues in a Roman park had been locking eyes for over 1000 years, their bodies arched toward each other with the promise of a warm embrace. One day a mystical gypsy woman stumbled upon the statues in the park and had an idea.

She used her dark gypsy ways to bring the statues to life promising them an hour to do what they will before they once again must stand still for the rest of time.

Eagerly they took each other's hand and rushed into the bushes. The gypsy smiled as she heard giggling delight and the undeniable sounds of pleasure from near by.

Soon the gypsy heard the female statue crying aloud "I'm going to get one IM GOING to GET ONE!..... Oh Yess I got it!"

To which the male statue replied "Good, hold that dirty pigeon down while I shit on its head."

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What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car next to an abortion clinic?

Having to go in to ask for a coat hangar.

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HAGS disease

"I am afraid you have HAGS disease," the doctor explained, "That is Herpes, Aids, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis, so we are immediately putting you on a pizza and pancake diet."

"Those foods will cure me?" he is asked.

"No," says the doctor, "But those foods we can slide under the door to the room we are locking you up in!"

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Locking your keys in the car is a lot like getting your girlfriend pregnant.

A coat hanger should take care of the problem.

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what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood?

going inside to borrow a coat hanger

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What's the difference between getting the girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car?

How pissed your wife gets when you explain the coat hanger.

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Grocery store

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"

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What's the worse thing about locking your keys inside your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside and asking to use a coat hanger

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What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside to ask for a clothes hanger

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I had doubts about buying a big metal cabinet with a locking door for my guns

It turned out to be a safe purchase.

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I have 6 locks on my door...

When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

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Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today...

I said no way, we should be concentrating on locking them up!

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What's the best part about locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?

Plenty of coat hangers.

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Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today.....

I said stop wasting your time, we should be concentrating on locking them up.

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Who loves you more - your SO or your dog?

Try locking them both in the your car and see who's happier to see you when you return 4 hours later

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An evil wizard..

There was an evil wizard who hated mathematics. One day he decided that he would end math once and for all, by capturing the 10 digits, and locking the away forever in his secret prison. So he cast his spell, and all the digits, from 0 to 9 were under his influence. He put them in his magic sack and rode off to the prison. When he reached the prison, he opened the sack. To his horror, there were not 10, but 9 digits there. After searching thoroughly he realized that...it was the 1 that got away.

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The first rule of charades club is

*pantomimes zipping lips, locking them, and throwing away key*

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Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery.

When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours. He goes: Not in a row! (Steven Wright)

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How do nazi children kill jewish children?

By locking them in an easy bake oven.

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What are the most funny Locking jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Locking? Well, here are the best Locking dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Locking pick up lines to share with friends.

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