Locking Jokes

What are some Locking jokes?

I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe sex.

What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?

When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.

Little Joe was at the farm, when he saw a dead chicken.

It was lying on its back, rigor mortis locking its legs in the air. He asks his dad why the chicken has his legs in the air. Dad, who's not exactly the brightest fellow, tells him that it's so that Jesus can reach down and pull them to heaven.

Later, at the family reunion, Joe runs to his dad crying.

"What's the matter?" Asked dad, concerned.

Little Joey cries "Mum nearly died! She was on her back with her legs in the air screaming 'Jesus I'm coming!' If it wasn't for uncle bruce holding her down she would've been gone forever!"

The naked cowboy

**Naked Cowboy**

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......

I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy.. '

'And here I am.'

My son said he couldn't sleep last night because of the thunder.

I feel bad for locking him out now.

Some women love playing hard to get.

Closing their blinds, locking their doors, calling the police...

Little Jimmy is sitting on the floor playing with his toy trains

A man walks in and says to little Jimmy,

Jimmy! I am you from the future!

Awesome! Says little Jimmy. What do I become in the future ?

A paedophile... he replied, locking the door.

HAGS disease

"I am afraid you have HAGS disease," the doctor explained, "That is Herpes, Aids, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis, so we are immediately putting you on a pizza and pancake diet."

"Those foods will cure me?" he is asked.

"No," says the doctor, "But those foods we can slide under the door to the room we are locking you up in!"

Locking your keys in the car is a lot like getting your girlfriend pregnant.

A coat hanger should take care of the problem.

what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood?

going inside to borrow a coat hanger

Grocery store

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"

I had doubts about buying a big metal cabinet with a locking door for my guns

It turned out to be a safe purchase.

What's the definition of safe sex in Alabama ?

Locking your car door before humping your cousins

I have 6 locks on my door...

When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today...

I said no way, we should be concentrating on locking them up!

Who loves you more - your SO or your dog?

Try locking them both in the your car and see who's happier to see you when you return 4 hours later

What's the best part about locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?

Plenty of coat hangers.

An evil wizard..

There was an evil wizard who hated mathematics. One day he decided that he would end math once and for all, by capturing the 10 digits, and locking the away forever in his secret prison. So he cast his spell, and all the digits, from 0 to 9 were under his influence. He put them in his magic sack and rode off to the prison. When he reached the prison, he opened the sack. To his horror, there were not 10, but 9 digits there. After searching thoroughly he realized that...it was the 1 that got away.

How to make Locking jokes?

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