Following is our collection of funniest Lock jokes. There are some lock tiles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lock pikey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."
Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."
2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, "Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!"
Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
I didn't think he could break through that lock.
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk?
Give her new clothes and lock her inside a room without a mirror
One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on fisting myself
Don't believe me? Lock them both in your trunk for an hour and then see who's happy when you open it.
You know the phrase "the dog is the man's best friend"?
Well, I can prove it's true!
Just lock up your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and one hour later... guess who is gonna be happy to see you!!
Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith.
You can explore lock door reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lock open dad jokes. There are also lock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
...my basement door doesn't lock properly
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
Insecure.
What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!
What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!
What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!
There's a lovely key change at the end.
I really wish he would lock the door when he does that.
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
... because I have never been turned on by anything with a combination lock.
and they'll go star craving mad.
Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( Ν Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β°)
One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?
The father reply, The door to heaven!
Then what is between yours? β the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!
Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.
They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and panties and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
They both turn "o" into "O".
Lock them both in the trunk of your car and see who is happier to see you after an hour when you let them out.
Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?
that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone.
Now I have fifty pictures of drunk me.
He had caps lock on.
Lock a junkie in the barn
Lock them both in your car, unlock it after 4 hours and see which one is happy to see you
They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.
She's in there now, ripping all the plates in halfβ¦
They both turn o into an O .
Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
I think he must be plotting something.
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for a few hours and your real bestfriend will be the one happy to see you.
Lock your dog and wife in a trunk for an hour and see who's happier to see you when you let them out.
IS IT A CAPITAL CRIME?
But it's actually opened a lot of doors for me.
...they'd even know my birth year!
Its opened so many doors for me
He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.
So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
Maybe that's why they get paid less.
All credit to Sean Lock comedian.
A woman I work with locked me in her basement for two months once and used me as her sex slave.
One day I noticed she forgot to lock the door and I thought, "Great, this is my chance!"
So I ran up the stairs and grabbed the phone.
Half hour later the pizza arrived, and I went back down to the basement.
He still can't say 'Please' though, which is poor for four.
Sit down and talk to the lock calmly,
Because communication is key.
He started talking calmly but firmly to the lock...
Because end of the day, communication is key.
Because communication is key.
I think hispanic buying.
Dad: Paranoia is when you go to the toilet, when your home alone, and lock the door behind you. And schizophrenia is when somebody knocks.
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
trying to organize the pissing section in a swimming pool.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
3 yr old: Knock Knock Daddy!
Me: Who's there?
3 yr old: (excitedly waving around their fork heaped with spaghetti and slinging sauce everywhere) Fork!
Me: Fork who?
*wife and I lock eyes; we each slowly make "the face" as we realize what is about to come out of our 3 year old's mouth*
3 yr old: Fork you Daddy!!!!! (delirious laughter)
(for those who aren't parents, imagine how someone who is learning to talk might pronounce "fork you"). My 3yr old lost their innocence in my eyes today. May as well pack them up and get them ready for college.
One hell of a musical.
Mostly ruining. But it's a change for them.
In order to find out whose love is truly unconditional.... lock both your wife & dog in the trunk of your car for approximately 15-30 minutes. When you open the trunk, who is excited to see you? That's your answer.
*DO NOT try this at home. This is a joke and I cannot be held responsible for any idiotic attempts at the aforementioned Unconditional Love Test.
I don't know why people say it's tough to do, they don't even lock the doors.
Lock your dog in the trunk for an hour and lock your wife in the trunk for an hour. Who is happy to see you?
It can open doors for you
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lock unlock jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lock latch piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.