Lock Jokes
182 lock jokes and hilarious lock puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lock that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
One of the funniest things about locks is the puns that can be made with them. Check out this selection of hilarious lock jokes to make you laugh, from knock locks and caps lock puns to door locks and canal locks. With clever key and shut jokes, you won't know what to expect next!
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Funniest Lock Short Jokes
Short lock jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lock humour may include short slot jokes also.
- Why do anti-vaxxers not lock their bikes? Because they know someone whose locked bike was still stolen.
- I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.
- EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that... [This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]
- I accidentally locked my key in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
- Your dog loves you more than your wife does. Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
- The thing I learned from beauty and the beast: Any girl can fall in love with you given you lock her in the basement long enough.
- My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married… She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
- If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.
- I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth... ...my basement door doesn't lock properly
- How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife? Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
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Lock One Liners
Which lock one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lock? I can suggest the ones about dock and password.
- If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up... He should have just hired her!
- What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn o into an O .
- I just learned how to lock pick Its opened so many doors for me
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- I went to a store that sells door locks for little people. Low key, it was pretty nice.
- What do you call a crippled kid locked in a hot car? Steamed Vegetable.
- Why did the black man walk into a bar? Because the cell door was still locked.
- What do you call a lock with low self-confidence? Insecure.
- What do you call Elsa when she locked herself in her room for years? Iceolated
- The local wig shop got broken into last night They've had to replace all the locks
- What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors? A monkey and a donkey
- Lock an astronomer in a basement... and they'll go star craving mad.
- Why does Yasuo never get locked out? Because he always "hasaki!"
- Why are Italians always locked out of their houses when they get home? Gnocchi
- IF I SCAM SOMEONE WITH CAPS LOCK ON.. IS IT A CAPITAL CRIME?
Door Lock Jokes
Here is a list of funny door lock jokes and even better door lock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife said wasting what little money we have on a lock picking set was not a good investment. But it's actually opened a lot of doors for me.
- I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There's a lovely key change at the end.
- Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time somebody goes in a bathroom and locks the door, you take four shots.
- Why couldn't Elon Musk enter his house? Because his door was locked and he left the keys in his car.
- (A joke my 3 y/o nephew came up with) Kiddo: knock knock
Mom: who's there?
Kid: Daddy. Because I locked the door. *laughs hysterically* - I got into Harvard!!! I don't know why people say it's tough to do, they don't even lock the doors.
- When one door closes, another door opens. You are being ejected through the air lock.
- Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. now if i were a diamond ring, where would i hide ...
- I was seeing this h**... about twice a week. But last week she saw me and closes her blinds now.
- that awkward feeling. when you are sitting on the toilet and forgot to lock the door and your boss walks in... and your pants are up.
Lock And Key Jokes
Here is a list of funny lock and key jokes and even better lock and key puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common? Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
- A group of apes had locked everyone inside of a Himalayan monastery Escape was delayed because of the missing monk key.
- If I locked my keys in my car outside of a abortion clinic... Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?
- Chewbacca locked the keys in the Millennium Falcon....... It was a Wookie mistake!
- They say confidence is key... ... I guess that's why I'm always locked out.
- They say that happiness is the key to everything... So when I got locked out of my house, I smiled at the lock
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - Dude, press the Caps Lock key on your keyboard!
- WOW, THIS IS MUCH BETTER, I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT ANYMORE - Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
- Did you hear about the time the bassist locked his keys in his car? It took like two hours to get the drummer out.
- This actually happened My brother has a lockbox and lost the key, so he said to me "Zaent, can you pick a lock?", I replied "Give me two and I'll pick one."
Caps Lock Jokes
Here is a list of funny caps lock jokes and even better caps lock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do Caps Lock and prison have in common? A minor touch and you get capital punishment.
- WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT. IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!
// THE POLICE - Ironically Caps 'Lock' is a 'Key'.
- How do you get rid of capitalism? Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.
- Hey @realDonaldTrump, try pressing the caps lock key... @realDonaldTrump: O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
- How do you tell if someone online is American? They keep their caps locked and guns loaded.
(Not the best and not original) - I CAN'T GET INTO MY HAT CUPBOARD! MY CAPS LOCKED
- For sale, double reed woodwind, fair condition The caps lock is stuck and it's missing is "e" key. $200 OBO.
- CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
- How can you make your d bigger? CAPS LOCK
Lock Picking Jokes
Here is a list of funny lock picking jokes and even better lock picking puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just picked up the Germanwings iPhone app... When I switched on airplane mode, it locked me out of the phone and then crashed.
- If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
- Kids, don't drop out of school. Instead try lock picking It's opened so many doors for me
- I just gave up reading a bad book on lock picking couldn't get into it at all.
- I have 6 locks on my door... When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
- I was caught breaking into a cheese factory with a lock pick and a large stone. The guard that caught me said "I get the lock pick but what's the Roquefort?"
Knock Lock Jokes
Here is a list of funny knock lock jokes and even better knock lock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked that’s why I am knocking!
Cheerful Lock Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about lock you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean secure jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lock pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How about some Little Johnny...
Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."
Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."
Was surprised when my son came out the closet yesterday...
I didn't think he could break through that lock.
First post: unconditional love test
Lock your wife/husband in the trunk of your car for an hour, then your dog. Guess who's still happy to see you...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you drive a girl insane?
Give her new clothes and lock her inside a room without a mirror
What's the difference between your dog and your girlfriend?
If you lock both of them in your trunk all day, only one of them will be happy to see you when you open it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...
One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on f**... myself
How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?
Pop, Lock & Drop It
The man's best friend
You know the phrase "the dog is the man's best friend"?
Well, I can prove it's true!
Just lock up your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and one hour later... guess who is gonna be happy to see you!!
The locked car...
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply: "I know. I already got that side."
My friends got tired of the "Chinese Fire Drill".
Instead, we shout "Triangle Fire Drill", lock the car doors and scream until we reach our destination.
What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?
A Nokia
Why couldn't the blacksmith use lead to create the lock?
Because it would have Lead(II) trouble.
Who are you and how did you get in here?
I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith.
Apple have begun making prison guards...
Apparently they like to lock up.
How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?
Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?
A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
Yeah It is Result of Marriage
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husband's hair.
But Larry's still alive.
I know, but his hair is gone.
I've been locked in a room to cure my acne.
I haven't broken out yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Want to know if your wife loves you as much as your dog?
Lock them both in a trunk of a car and see who's happy to see you
when you open it to let them out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)
What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!
What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!
What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night I witnessed my dad having a s**...
I really wish he would lock the door when he does that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
Why did the chicken lock itself in the freezer?
to get to the other side.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't have "safe s**..." ...
... because I have never been turned on by anything with a combination lock.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy asks his dad
Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)
I once was wrestling a guy and had him in a lock but couldn't make him tap out.
Sorry for the bad submission.
What is between moms legs?
One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?
The father reply, The door to heaven!
Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!
Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.
My wife says that she still hears her grandmother's voice sometimes before she goes to sleep at night.
But only when I forget to lock the basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the locker room after the game...
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and p**... and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a b**...?
They lock their doors and windows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know a dog is better than a wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car and see who is happier to see you after an hour when you let them out.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to lock himself in a shed for 1 hour?
In the end, he couldn't contain himself.
Got a password lock
that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone.
Now I have fifty pictures of drunk me.
Why couldn't the computer feel anything?
Num. lock was on
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you find a needle in a hay stack?
Lock a j**... in the barn
My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.
They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.
Just like people, I never judge a book by its cover...
Unless that cover is brown. In which case I roll up my windows and lock my car doors.
Why do men prefer dogs to women?
If you get angry with a dog, and lock it outside in the cold for half an hour while you calm down, the dog will be pleased to see you when you let it back in.
You can tell a lot about the different branches of the armed services by their use of the word "secure":
Order Marines to secure a building and they'll attack it.
Order soldiers to secure a building and they'll post guards around it.
Order airmen to secure a building and they'll buy it.
Order sailors to secure a building and they'll turn off the lights, lock the doors, and go out drinking.
My 3-Year old son just found out how to open the closet door...
Looks like I'll have to lock him up somewhere else.
Coming out of the closet in 2018
Mom.. Dad.... I have to tell you something and you may not like it.... sometimes when I visit the neighbor boy... we lock the door to his room.. and watch the NFL
I saw justice in action today for the first time ever.
I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah's Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.
Farmers cows are out
A hefty woman at the bar approaches a man and asks, can i get your number?
The man replies, sure do u have a pen?
She responds, yeah here ya go.
He concludes, alright well you better tell the farmer to put you back in it and lock it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know that your dog loves you more than your wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for a few hours and your real bestfriend will be the one happy to see you.
Why did the biologist lock himself in jail with an engineer, a physicist and a medical doctor?
Because he wanted to work with STEM Cells
Why is a dog mans best friend?
Lock your dog and wife in a trunk for an hour and see who's happier to see you when you let them out.
You've gotta be prepared these days, so I've bought myself an air raid shelter for the back yard.
I've requested it comes with sound proofing, doors that lock from the inside and enough supplies to last for a week.
It should be ready in time for my wife's next period.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The difference between the services
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
I went to locksmithing school
I learned some key information
Why did the edgy teenager lock himself in the freezer ?
He taught it was cool.
Sometimes when work is hectic and my family is demanding, I lock myself in the bathroom and act like an alien
I come in peace.
If you lock up your girlfriend and dog in the trunk of a car for an hour...
which one is gonna be happy to see you when you open it up?
Why did Donald Trump lock down the White House when the Easter Bunny was escaping?
because his hare is almost gone.
A man comes home to find his door lock is not working properly
He promptly unscrews the hinges, picks up the door and takes it to the market to repair the lock.
The locksmith asks *"If the door's here...what if someone walks into your house?"*
Confused, he replies *"How would anyone get in when I have the door?"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be s**...! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...
...they'd even know my birth year!
I got locked in a mirror shop last night.
On the plus side, it gave me time to reflect.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
c**... pun
me: you know how sometimes caps lock locks you out of a website ,because you forgot to turn it off when typing the password
human society: yes
me: I guess caps lock is awfully shifty
A stranger gave me a really old metal box...
He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.
So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.
