The Best 62 Lock Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lock jokes. There are some lock tiles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lock pikey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lock Jokes and Puns
How about some Little Johnny...
Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."
Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."
2 blondes in the rain...
2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, "Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!"
What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?
Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
Was surprised when my son came out the closet yesterday...
I didn't think he could break through that lock.
Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk?
How do you drive a girl insane?
Give her new clothes and lock her inside a room without a mirror
When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...
One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on fisting myself
Your dog is better than your wife.
Don't believe me? Lock them both in your trunk for an hour and then see who's happy when you open it.
The man's best friend
You know the phrase "the dog is the man's best friend"?
Well, I can prove it's true!
Just lock up your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and one hour later... guess who is gonna be happy to see you!!
How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
Who are you and how did you get in here?
I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith.
You can explore lock door reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lock open dad jokes. There are also lock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth...
...my basement door doesn't lock properly
A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
What do you call a lock with low self-confidence?
Insecure.
If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)
What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!
What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!
What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!
I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced.
There's a lovely key change at the end.
Last night I witnessed my dad having a stroke
I really wish he would lock the door when he does that.
How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?
Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.
I don't have "safe sex" ...
... because I have never been turned on by anything with a combination lock.
Lock an astronomer in a basement...
and they'll go star craving mad.
A little boy asks his dad
Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( Ν Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β°)
What is between moms legs?
One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?
The father reply, The door to heaven!
Then what is between yours? β the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!
Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.
I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic
They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
In the locker room after the game...
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and panties and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?
They both turn "o" into "O".
How do you know a dog is better than a wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car and see who is happier to see you after an hour when you let them out.
If I locked my keys in my car outside of a abortion clinic...
Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?
Got a password lock
that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone.
Now I have fifty pictures of drunk me.
Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat?
He had caps lock on.
How do you find a needle in a hay stack?
Lock a junkie in the barn
What's the best way of determining who loves you more - your wife or your dog?
Lock them both in your car, unlock it after 4 hours and see which one is happy to see you
My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.
They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.
My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got marriedβ¦
She's in there now, ripping all the plates in halfβ¦
What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?
They both turn o into an O .
Your dog loves you more than your wife does.
Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.
I think he must be plotting something.
How do you know that your dog loves you more than your wife?
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for a few hours and your real bestfriend will be the one happy to see you.
Why is a dog mans best friend?
Lock your dog and wife in a trunk for an hour and see who's happier to see you when you let them out.
IF I SCAM SOMEONE WITH CAPS LOCK ON..
IS IT A CAPITAL CRIME?
My wife said wasting what little money we have on a lock picking set was not a good investment.
But it's actually opened a lot of doors for me.
If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...
...they'd even know my birth year!
I just learned how to lock pick
Its opened so many doors for me
A stranger gave me a really old metal box...
He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.
So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.
Naked painting
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
They say a woman's work is never done.
Maybe that's why they get paid less.
All credit to Sean Lock comedian.
Locked in her basement
A woman I work with locked me in her basement for two months once and used me as her sex slave.
One day I noticed she forgot to lock the door and I thought, "Great, this is my chance!"
So I ran up the stairs and grabbed the phone.
Half hour later the pizza arrived, and I went back down to the basement.
During lockdown my next door neighbours 4 year old started learning Spanish.
He still can't say 'Please' though, which is poor for four.
If you ever get locked out
Sit down and talk to the lock calmly,
Because communication is key.
A man was locked out of his apartment
He started talking calmly but firmly to the lock...
Because end of the day, communication is key.
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly.
Because communication is key.
With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero.
I think hispanic buying.
Son: Daddy, what is the difference between paranoia and schizophrenia?
Dad: Paranoia is when you go to the toilet, when your home alone, and lock the door behind you. And schizophrenia is when somebody knocks.
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not in lock down is like...
trying to organize the pissing section in a swimming pool.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON TWITTER THAT SAYS "LEBRON JAMES NUDES" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
My 3 year old's knock knock joke - innocence shattered
3 yr old: Knock Knock Daddy!
Me: Who's there?
3 yr old: (excitedly waving around their fork heaped with spaghetti and slinging sauce everywhere) Fork!
Me: Fork who?
*wife and I lock eyes; we each slowly make "the face" as we realize what is about to come out of our 3 year old's mouth*
3 yr old: Fork you Daddy!!!!! (delirious laughter)
(for those who aren't parents, imagine how someone who is learning to talk might pronounce "fork you"). My 3yr old lost their innocence in my eyes today. May as well pack them up and get them ready for college.
What do you get when you lock a Jewish man and a gay man in a room for a week?
One hell of a musical.
During this lockdown I have explored a not so common hobby. It's called 'Changing people's lives'...
Mostly ruining. But it's a change for them.
The Unconditional Love Test
In order to find out whose love is truly unconditional.... lock both your wife & dog in the trunk of your car for approximately 15-30 minutes. When you open the trunk, who is excited to see you? That's your answer.
*DO NOT try this at home. This is a joke and I cannot be held responsible for any idiotic attempts at the aforementioned Unconditional Love Test.
I got into Harvard!!!
I don't know why people say it's tough to do, they don't even lock the doors.
Who loves you more? You're dog or your wife? Know how you can tell?
Lock your dog in the trunk for an hour and lock your wife in the trunk for an hour. Who is happy to see you?
Why is lockpicking a great profession?
It can open doors for you
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lock unlock jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lock latch piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.