Lock And Key Jokes
126 lock and key jokes and hilarious lock and key puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lock and key that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lock And Key Short Jokes
Short lock and key jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lock and key humour may include short locke and key jokes also.
- I accidentally locked my key in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
- I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
- What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
- What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
- If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.
- What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
- If you ever get locked out Sit down and talk to the lock calmly,
Because communication is key. - A man was locked out of his apartment He started talking calmly but firmly to the lock...
Because end of the day, communication is key. - What do locking your keys in the car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common? Both are easily fixed with a coat hanger.
- What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.
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Lock And Key One Liners
Which lock and key one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lock and key? I can suggest the ones about door lock and knock lock.
- I went to a store that sells door locks for little people. Low key, it was pretty nice.
- What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors? A monkey and a donkey
- Chewbacca locked the keys in the Millennium Falcon....... It was a Wookie mistake!
- If you ever get locked outside, talk to your lock calmly Because communication is the key
- If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Communication is key.
- They say confidence is key... ... I guess that's why I'm always locked out.
- Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
- If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
- What fruit can open a locked toilet? Key Wee
- Ironically Caps 'Lock' is a 'Key'.
- How do you get rid of capitalism? Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.
- Why don't bald people use keys? Because they don't have any locks
- I locked myself out my house Does anyone know if locksmiths are key workers?
- Why are pianists so punctual? They can't lock their keys in their car.
- Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room?
A: A computer?
Lock And Key Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lock and key you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lock unlock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lock and key pranks.
Yo momma so s**... she got locked in a key store.
Q. What did the pop star do when he locked himself out?
A. He sang until he found the right key!
Q. What did the pop star do when he locked himself out?
A. He sang until he found the right key!
Q. What did the pop star do when he locked himself out?
A. He sang until he found the right key!
Q. What did the pop star do when he locked himself out?
A. He sang until he found the right key!
Two blondes lock their keys in the car.
One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!"
The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
Two blondes were shopping at the mall.
When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car.
So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock.
The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "Hurry, hurry! It's going to rain and we left the top down!"
I met a sista once who told me she could tell how good a brotha is in bed simply by the way he opens the door to his apartment.
So, I asked her how.
She said if that brotha fumbles with the keys, that means he doesn't know what he's doing.
If he opens the door too quick, means he's too fast and he's a total waste of time.
But if that brotha opens the door with a smooth, controlled movement, that means he's real good in bed.
Then she asked me how I open the door to my apartment.
I told her, "Honey, I lick the lock first."
A blonde woman is driving down the road.
She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car.
So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.
Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”
Chuck Norris once got careless and accidentally locked his drawer key inside his drawer, with a lock that needs the key to lock.
There are three blonds that went to the store.
After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car.
The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door.
The second blond tried using a hanger.
The third blond tried using pen.
While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car.
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too s**... to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
How about some Little Johnny...
Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."
Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."
2 blondes in the rain...
2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, "Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!"
Two blondes and a car
Two blondes come out of the mall after a couple hours of shopping, and when they get to their car they realize they locked the keys inside. Luckily, they had bought some clothes so they grabbed a wire hanger and began taking turns attempting to pick the lock. After a good 30 minutes, they still hadn't gotten inside, and after trying for awhile, one girl hands the hanger to her friend and sits down next to the car. She sighs, looks up and worriedly says to her friend, "Uh oh, we'd better hurry; it looks like it might rain and the top's down."
You aren't a monk.
A man is driving through a town and his car breaks down in front of a monastery. He decides to go up to the door and ask if he can stay the night and the monks let him. At night he is laying in his bed and he hears this extremely strange noise. In the morning he asks a monk what the strange noise was. The monk replied, "I can't tell you because you aren't a monk." The man accepted this fact, graciously thanked the monks for letting him stay, and went on his way. Three years later the man was driving through the same town and broke down in front of the same monastery. Again he asks the monks if he could stay the night, and they let him. And again at night he hears the strange noise. In the morning he asks and gets the same answer. Then he asks how he can become a monk. They reply, "Go count every blade of grass and every pebble in the world." The man comes back 43 years later and gives them accurate numbers. They let him become a monk and the first thing he does is ask to see what the noise was. They take him to a wooden door. He reaches for the handle and its locked. They give him a key, then he happens upon a stone door. Locked. He goes through every kind of door you could possibly think of as they give him keys for each. Then he gets to a diamond door and they give him a key and he unlocks it. Then he opens it and is completely amazed. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
Imagine if you locked your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic
talk about convenient. You could just go inside and get a coat hanger to pick the lock.
Car Keys
Tom and Barney got out and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key from the ignition.
Realizing their mistake, Tom asked, "Why don't we use a coat hanger to open it?"
"No, that won't work," answered Barney. "People will think we're trying to break in."
So Tom suggested, "What if we use a pocketknife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in, and pull up the lock?"
"No," said Barney. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger."
"Well," sighed Tom, "we'd better thing of something quick. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
A bass player runs into a bar...
where the guitar player and the singer are busy setting up. Breathless, he says "We've got a big problem! I locked my keys in the van!" "Whatever, man" says the singer, "We've got a gig to do, we'll worry about it later." "No, you don't understand" said the bassist, "the drummer is trapped inside!"
This actually happened
My brother has a lockbox and lost the key, so he said to me "Zaent, can you pick a lock?", I replied "Give me two and I'll pick one."
A Blond walks into a gas station...
and asks the employee: "I locked my keys in the car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can't stop laughing. So the employee asks him why he is laughing. The trucker says: "There is a Blond who tries to open her car with a coat hanger!" The employee: "So what? This could happen to anyone." Trucker: "Sure, but usually there isn't another Blond in the car who yells: a little more right / a little more left! "
What do you call Mexicans who go around breaking door locks?
Serial key-lers.
the most awkward time in my life
Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
Useless in the Parking Lot
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.
When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.
She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.
She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.
Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God!
"You even sent me a Professional!"
What do you call a key that doesn't fit into any locks?
An anarkey!
The locked car...
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply: "I know. I already got that side."
Locked my keys inside my car outside a abortion clinic
Found out I was too far along for an abortion, to make matters worse I locked my keys inside my car. I got the death look when I went back inside to ask if they had a coat hanger I could barrow.
Did you hear about the time the bassist locked his keys in his car?
It took like two hours to get the drummer out.
A blonde woman locks her keys inside her car...
And so she calls a locksmith to open it. When the locksmith (who is also blonde) gets there she pulls out her Slim Jim tool to open the door when she notices a problem, the driver side window to the car is wide open.
The locksmith looks to the driver and says, "Ma'am I can't use this tool on a door when the window is open, you're going to have to close it first."
Men Will Be Men
Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ),
in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says : If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours....
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
"What's wrong ?" King asks.
.
.
.
.
Out of breath, his friend answers, "It is the wrong Key...!! "
Superstitious captain
There was a very superstitious captain that kept a locked box in his quarters which he would open daily to examine. Before any battle he would do the same. None of his men knew what was in the box but they had never come close to losing a battle, so they knew it must be powerful.
On one occasion the captain approached his first mate and told him, "I don't believe I'll survive the next battle;take the key to my lockbox and look inside once you take over as captain."
The first mate does so and sure enough the very first cannonball hiys yhe captain directly in the chest. After the battle is ome the first mate (now captain) goes into his quarters and opens the box. Inside he finds only a piece of paper on which is written:
Left: port.
Right: starboard
What key opens every lock?
A p**....
Why was the band late to their gig?
Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys.
What's the best part about locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic?
Plenty of coat hangers.
what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood?
going inside to borrow a coat hanger
I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced.
There's a lovely key change at the end.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key.
Locking your keys in the car is a lot like getting your girlfriend pregnant.
A coat hanger should take care of the problem.
A little boy asks his dad
Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)
What is between moms legs?
One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?
The father reply, The door to heaven!
Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!
Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.
Did you hear about the guitarist who locked his keys in his van?
It took him 2 hours to get his drummer out.
Why did the blonde keep coat hangers under her seat?
In case she locks her keys in her car.
Hey @realDonaldTrump, try pressing the caps lock key...
@realDonaldTrump: O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
Dady, what is in between mummy's legs?
- A paradise.
- And what's between your's?
- The key.
- So you should change the lock, because our neighbour has a passkey.
If I locked my keys in my car outside of a abortion clinic...
Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?
I've just written a song about replacing my front door lock
It's got a great key change at the end
They say that happiness is the key to everything...
So when I got locked out of my house, I smiled at the lock
When the lock was in trouble
He said "don't worry I have a few key friends that can help me out"
Why do Castle doors have their locks so far above the ground?
So you need the higher-key
A drummer locked his keys inside his car
He had to call in AAA to get the bass player out.
HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
- Dude, press the Caps Lock key on your keyboard!
- WOW, THIS IS MUCH BETTER, I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD DOWN SHIFT ANYMORE
What if you can't work the lock on your door?
Sing until you get the right key
Why couldn't Elon Musk enter his house?
Because his door was locked and he left the keys in his car.
Another Blonde Joke
Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.
We need to get in there, says the first blonde. Why don't we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?
No, says the second. People'd think we're trying to steal the car.
I have a pair of scissors, says the first. We could use it to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock."
No, they'd just say we're too s**... to use a coat hanger.
Well, we'd better think of something fast, sighed the first blonde. It's starting to rain and all the car windows are open.
A blonde walked into a gas station...
A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.
Did you hear about the band that locked their keys in the tour bus?
It took them half an hour to get the drummer out.
Why is a single device for opening a lock never straight?
It's one key
A drummer was standing outside of his car panicking because he accidentally locked his keys inside it.
It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.
What kind of key can open any lock?
A p**...
Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.
After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!
The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!
A newlywed couple is returning home after their wedding.
The husband can't get the key into the lock to unlock his door. The wife sneers and says, "Well, that's a nice start"
For sale, double reed woodwind, fair condition
The caps lock is stuck and it's missing is "e" key. $200 OBO.
You ever lock your keys in your car at a Planned Parenthood?
Kinda awkward asking them for a coat hanger to unlock your car
My father was the rector for a local church. He was responsible for making sure all the doors were locked, and for putting away the benches after services.
He really had to mind his keys and pews.
I locked my keys in my car yesterday.
Even worse, it was outside an abortion clinic.
I had to go in and ask for a coathanger.
A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,
a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."