Loch Jokes

What are some Loch jokes?

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

"...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

What do you call the Loch Ness monster on drugs

You're high ness

Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools.

A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing

when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, Oh, my God! Please help me!

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, I thought you didn't believe in Me!

Come on God, give me a break!! the man pleaded. Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the LochNess monster either!

(Credit. The Joke Cafe)

An atheist is fishing in a boat on Loch Ness

When all of a sudden, the Loch Ness Monster comes up and begins thrashing his boat around. The monster tosses him into the air. On his way down he shouts "God, help me!"

Everything stops. He is mere feet from the monster's mouth. Then a loud, booming voice comes from the heavens and asks:

"You have not followed me for your entire life and have discouraged those who did. Why should I help you now?"

The atheist thinks for a moment before saying:

"Look, five minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."

The government has covered up the existence of monsters for centuries...

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

What does the Loch Ness Monster eat?

Fish & ships

Loch Ness

An atheist is walking along the bank of Loch Ness, suddenly, out of the depths appears Nessie.

She snatched the athiest up in her jaws and threw her head back, throwing the atheist up in the air. Just before he was about to fall into Nessie's jaws he cries out :


"Oh god help me!"


Amazingly, time froze and God appeared next to the atheistand God asked:

"My son, all your life you have forsaken me, why now do you call upon me?"

The atheist responded with: "Give me a break, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster five minutes ago either!"

Did you know you have to swim to get into Scottish Houses?

It's because there's always a loch on the door! :D

What kind of car does the loch Ness monster drive?

A Nissan tree fiddy!

What's the best day to marry the Loch Ness Monster?

Wednessday

Lochte: My record is the most credible, because...

IM the world record holder.

Have you heard the Scottish National Party's proposal to reduce Loch Ness monster sightings?

Nick all the sturgeon

Lochte turns up late for his Brazil hearing...

"Very sorry Your Honour, I got held up"

What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster?

Messie


Thank you and goodnight.

Checkmate, atheists.

An atheist was
rowing along in Loch Ness and WHOOSH! The Loch Ness monster rears up in front of him, hissing and ready to eat. The terrified man said, "Oh God, help me!"

An angry voice booms from the heavens, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

The atheist says, "Oh, come on! Ten seconds ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

How to make Loch jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Loch to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Loch? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Loch pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes