The Best 25 Locals Jokes

Following is our collection of Locals jokes which are very funny. There are some locals tourists jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these locals local politics puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Locals Jokes and Puns

Irish pubs are the best

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...

Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your genitals?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."

"Bloodied cricket bat found in Oscar Pistorius' house"



In addition, locals have told police that he was previously sighted with stumps.

Locals joke, "Bloodied cricket bat found in Oscar Pistorius' house"

Did you hear about the linoleum factory in France that exploded?

The locals call it Linoleum Blown-apart.

Beethoven

Beethoven dies and is buried. A few days after his burial the locals notice strange
music coming from the burial site. Alarmed, the villagers get the local priest and head
down to the graveyard. And sure enough the sound was coming from Beethoven's grave.
The locals watch as the priest places the side of his head onto the ground.
Deep in concentration he mutters: "Fifth symphony......fourth symphony....third...aha! Beethoven is decomposing!"


Thought I'd just relax, crack open a couple of cold ones and really get to know some of the locals.

I love cemeteries...

New Bovine Discovered!

Deep in the heart of the Amazon, we have just discovered a new type of Bovine mammal. Named after the place where they were discovered, the gully bulls make their home in the bottom of a chasm. This Sar Chasm as it is known to the locals, was carved out of the bedrock by the river at the bottom. The gully bulls live at the bottom and their drool feeds the river that turns the wheel that powers the Internet.

Locals joke, New Bovine Discovered!

A man travels to an island...

A person travelling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, "Yes, it's the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn't have teeth, and couldn't walk -- but now look at me."

The traveler: "Wow... That's amazing. So where are you from?"

"I was born here"

Credit to /u/TheNightWind.

Yo mamma's so fat

when she went on vacation, the locals correctly identified her as an American

A man is found in the middle of Iraq and the locals asked him where did he come from and how did he get there

He said "Iran"

Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?

They wished it was Anubis.

You can explore locals spain reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean locals villagers dad jokes. There are also locals puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A country just passed a law requiring all cross-gender people to be sterilized.

Many of the locals were left transfixed.

I met an amputee in a bar

Everyone in the joint called him 'E'. He had been drinking there for a few years every single one of the locals knew him. Apparently he used to be the strongest guy in the town

"Ya know, I can still arm wrestle with the best of them" E said.

To which I replied

"you and what arm, E?"

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night

Locals were shouting "pehopile" and other names at me,just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

What do United Airlines and the UK have in common?

They're both keen on removing locals from their seats, and appointing new people in their places.

I tried to sing the song Unforgettable to the locals in Uganda

But they couldn't speak Swae-Lee

Locals joke, I tried to sing the song Unforgettable to the locals in Uganda

Johnny Carson Classic

The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they suck the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.

Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?

Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.

They call it the clam before the storm.

It's been noted that two out of three of Donald Trump's wives were immigrants.

Which just shows immigrants are needed to do the things that the locals are averse to doing . . .


Two travelers are driving past a, "Welcome to Lewisville, Kentucky!", sign and ...

They can't decide if it's pronounce LouiS-ville or Louey-ville. So they decide to settle it by asking at a burger place they pull up to.

"Hi we're from out of town and have a bet about how locals pronounce this place"?

The local says deliberately and slowly, "Burger... King".

In 1877 a bartender was building his saloon.

"so i want the floor to creak everytime when someone from out of town walks in and around here, but not when locals do that."

Carpenter: "What?!"

My 33 year old friend is dating a 19 year old.

They went out to dinner and kept getting harassed by the locals.

They we're shouting 'Peado' and 'Cradle snatcher' and all sorts of horrible names.

It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.

Owning a restaurant in India is hard, the locals hold a grudge against me but we finally came to a mutual agreement.

No beef now.

Pompeii must be the ultimate party town

Look at the locals, they're stoned 24/7

Reminds me of the time I was down in Mexico. I saw what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me. "Don't go down there, SeΓ±or..." he tells me, "...Eetsa Hambush."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the locals cops jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working locals local supermarket piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes