Local Supermarket Jokes
28 local supermarket jokes and hilarious local supermarket puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about local supermarket that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Local Supermarket Short Jokes
Short local supermarket jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The local supermarket humour may include short supermarket jokes also.
- A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull. I don't know how these people can sleep at night.
- I'm not saying the staff in my local supermarket are thick, but when I asked if they could open Till 2, the manager replied.. "We're already open till 10 most nights. "
- I forgot to wear a mask in the local supermarket. The manager told me to never show my face there again.
- So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me. How dairy.
- Thieves stole 30 crates of red bull from our local supermarket I don't know how they sleep at night
- Me and my best friend went to the local supermarket... He started to throw the milk and cheese all over the aisle. I thought, how dairy?
- I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, "what's the damage" He replied, "just some torn tissue".
- I went on a couple of dates last week at the local supermarket. The grocer was outraged, and said I destroyed his fruits.
- I went to my local supermarket I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a 'bag for life'. I said, "No thanks, I'm already married."
- Where did zimbabweans get their food before they started hunting and foraging? At a local supermarket
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Local Supermarket One Liners
Which local supermarket one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with local supermarket? I can suggest the ones about supermarket shopping and grocery store.
- Man caught pinching loaf at local supermarket.
Hilarious Local Supermarket Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about local supermarket you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grocery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make local supermarket pranks.
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket
The husband picks up a case of Fosters and puts it in their trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $40 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $80 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts:
'So does 24 cans of Fosters, and it's half the price.'
You must be single.
A young woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She puts her items on the conveyer: A toothbrush, toothpaste, a half-gallon of 2% milk and a frozen pizza. The cashier calmly states, "You must be single." The woman looks at her items and back to the cashier, "Wow! How did you know that?" The cashier responds, "Because you you're ugly AF."
A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the local supermarket,
But she was having trouble finding one that was large enough for her family.
She decided to ask the shop assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The shop assistant replied, "No ma'am, they're dead.."
An employee at a supermarket
An overworked and underpaid employee was stocking shelves at his local supermarket. Naturally, he was very tired and didn't care about anything going on around him. Out of nowhere, an old woman with a Karen haircut comes up to him and says "hey you, tell me what those little green things in the pods are called before I hit you so hard your children have bruises. I need these for my diet." The employee, wanting nothing to do with this lady, simply rolls his head around, makes direct eye contact with the lady and says, "b**..., peas".
I'm 3'6 , which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.
Then suddenly the penne dropped.
Warning about pick pockets
At the local supermarket, two young women are standing at the parking lot exit, asking for a lift.
Shortly after leaving the parking lot, they will start u**... each other and making out, before one of them offers to give you a b**..., while the other steals your wallet.
It happened to me monday, two times tuesday and again yesterday
If you think you've hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank...
once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket, and they classed it as an "uncharacteristic purchase"
Prices are going up
Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, They are going to raise the price so, I'm stocking up.
The other woman replied, I'd never go to such extremes to save money. I'm not that tight.
Have you guys heard the joke about the koala?
So this Koala had applied for a job at his local supermarket but was very disappointed when he found out he didn't have the correct Koalifications.
I'm so sorry.
Two Jews emigrate from Russia.
One goes to Israel and the other goes to Germany. One year passes and they get together at a restaurant to catch up.
"Moshe, I'm very lucky" says his friend, "I live in Haifa now where I own a supermarket. The weather is wonderful, and everyone is so kind. I truly have it made."
"Izya, I am lucky as well. I live in Munich and work at a local crematorium, and you won't believe it, BUT I'M BURNING GERMANS!"
Because of covid-19 I'm doing things I've never done before. Tonight, for the first time, I started looking for dates online.
My local supermarket has set up an online service where you can search for your groceries and things online. I've put in an order for a cup of cooking dates. I'm excited to pick them up. I'm sure they'll be very sweet.
I recently started working for a charity that convinces local supermarkets to give us their expiring baked goods to donate to refugees and the local homeless. We're working in conjunction with local churches to help distribute donations. All of us are there voluntarily, after all..
It's a naan-prophet organization.
I just learned that my local supermarket stopped selling my favorite cheese
They cut the cheese and it stinks.
My local supermarket is selling Star Wars-themed cereal...
They really are trying to milk the franchise for all its worth.
My girlfriend just told me the local supermarkets might run out of meat due to Covid-19.
I told her, I'm not worried. There's more than one way to skin a cat.
Preparations for parenthood.
Not sure you are prepared to be a parent, here are some tips to get you started.
Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a bathrobe and stick a giant beanbag chair down the front and leave it for 9 months. After the 9 months, empty out approximately 10-20% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to your local drug store, dump the contents of your wallet on the counter and give it the pharmacist. Then, go to the supermarket and arrange to have your salary direct-deposit to their headquarters. Go home, pick up the paper and read it for the very last time.
