Lobster Jokes
139 lobster jokes and hilarious lobster puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about lobster that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
When it comes to humor, lobsters may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but believe it or not, these sea creatures can get quite a laugh on land. Our compilation of lobster jokes will add a pinch of flavor to any conversation, perfect for breaking the ice at seafood-themed parties, family gatherings over a lobster dinner, or even for spicing up the comments section of your marine-life themed blog posts.
Respectful yet rib-tickling, these jokes encapsulate humor based on the intriguing traits and behaviors of lobsters. So, buckle in and get ready to dive into a sea of laughter as we serve up the best lobster humor. If you're already chuckling, then we've caught you in our humor net. Don't be shellfish, share the fun around!
Quick Jump To
- Short Lobster Jokes
- Lobster One Liners
- Lobster Tail Jokes
- Red Lobster Jokes
- Lobster Claw Jokes
- Maine Lobster Jokes
- More Lobster Jokes
Funniest Lobster Short Jokes
Short lobster jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lobster humour may include short crab jokes also.
- What's the difference between a lobster and a chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
- What do you call a belt made out of lobsters? A waist of good seafood
I know it's bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share - I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night... Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious
- Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
- Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2 I paid my $2 and he says "once upon a time, there was this lobster....."
- A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.
- I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."
"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"
She said, "No. Just very ugly." - Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit? Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.
- I passed by a roadside stand that said "lobster tails: $2" So I stopped, paid my $2 and the man said,
"Once upon a time, there was a lobster..." - I was at a restaurant last night... and I asked the waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?" And he said "We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line."
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Lobster One Liners
Which lobster one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lobster? I can suggest the ones about shellfish and shrimp.
- In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work? The crust station.
- I slept with a rich girl once. Got lobsters.
- I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving... One day I lobster and never flounder again.
- What's a lobster's favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar? The crust station.
- Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys? Because he was... shellfish.
hahahaha - Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish...
- Lobster tail and beer. My 3 favorite things.
- What do you call a lobster that won't share? Shellfish
- What do you call a territorial lobster? Shellfish.
- Why didn't the lobster want to share? Because he was shellfish
- I always say Lobsters are sketchy.... They are always getting caught Red-Handed. 🦞
- Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along? They were too shellfish.
- What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank? The lobsters in the kitchen.
- What's a let down Chinese lobster called? A crushed asian
- What do you get when a cow bangs a lobster? Surf-n-turf
Lobster Tail Jokes
Here is a list of funny lobster tail jokes and even better lobster tail puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Seafood for thought A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…
- Today I stopped at the road-side stall that said "Lobster Tails: $2" So I paid my $2 and the guy goes "Once upon a time there was a lobster...."
- I stopped at a roadside stand where a sign read "LOBSTER TAILS $5." I paid my $5 and the guy said....
"Once upon a time, there was this lobster....." - A guest at a restaurant asks the waiter... "do you have lobster tails?"
The waiter replies: "Of course! Once upon a time, there was a little lobster....." - A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked a blonde waitress for a lobster tail. She smiled sweetly and said, * Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster… *
- So I walked by a restaurant in Maine! It had a sign up " Happy hour special:
Lobster tail and beer!"
I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things! - I saw a sign one day ... ... at a roadside stop. It said, "lobster tails, $5"
I stopped and told the guy I'd like a lobster tail.
He said, " Once upon a time, there was this lobster.... - Lobster Tail & Beer. My three favourite things.
- A man walks by a bar, the sign says "lobster tail and beer $10" He goes, what a deal for my 3 favourite things!
Red Lobster Jokes
Here is a list of funny red lobster jokes and even better red lobster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster. That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.
- What's different between Red Lobster and Facebook ? At Red Lobster, the servers are responding.
- I always eat way too much during Red Lobster's endless shrimp specials. It's total overkrill.
- What do you call a typically red crustacean with 14 segments in the Decapoda family? A lobster!
- What did the blind guy say when he walked past Red Lobster? Hi, Ladies!
- Red Lobster cut me off the all-you-can-eat buffet after one plate! Shellfish b**...!
- My s**... friend is on the 'seaweed' diet... He sees w**..., then smokes it in the parking lot at Red Lobster
- Yo' Mama is so n**..., Red Lobster kicked her out for bringing her own c**....
- Yo' Mama has more c**... than Red Lobster.
- Two l**... walk into red lobster
Lobster Claw Jokes
Here is a list of funny lobster claw jokes and even better lobster claw puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two lobsters were in a tank.
The one said to the other, "It sure would be easier driving this thing without rubber bands on our claws." - What do you call a creature with the head of a seahorse, body of a lobster, the hind legs of an octopus, the front legs of a penguin, and claws? A crabomination
- What do you call a crustacean that's bad at pitching? A lobster, but what it really boils down to is his claws being tied.
- Who brings presents to lobsters? Santa Claws
- What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa? Santa Claws
Maine Lobster Jokes
Here is a list of funny maine lobster jokes and even better maine lobster puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There are no hipster lobsters... ...In a Maine stream
Fun-Filled Lobster Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about lobster you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean oyster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lobster pranks.
What's the difference between a greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?
One's a crusty bus station, the other is a b**... crustacean
Difference between Port Authority and a lobster with breast implants?
One's a crusty bus station...
The other's a b**... crustacean!
A man goes to a p**...
and later he finds out he has c**.... When he goes back to complain, the p**... says "It was only five dollars, what did you expect, lobster?"
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a voluptuous lobster?
One's a crusty bus station and the other's a b**... crustacean.
:D
What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?
They're both crushed-asians
Why is a lobster similar to a Asian under a steamroller?
They are both crushed-asians
What did the waiter say to the lobster who soaked up too much butter?
That was very shellfish of you.
why did the lobster refuse to help anyone else?
because he's shellfish
What do you call a self absorbed lobster?
A little shellfish!
I'll^see^myself^out...
What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?
One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.
What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station, the others a b**... crustacean.
A man hires a $10 h**... and gets c**......
He goes back with the h**... and complaints , she says "what were you expecting for 10 bucks? Lobster?"
What's the difference between a dilapidated bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
…One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a b**... crustacean!
(My husband groaned loudly when I told him this one, so I knew it was pretty good.)
A John gets c**... from a 10$ h**......
he goes back to complain, and the h**... tells him "what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"
What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot?
One is a b**... crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I s**... up my original punchline...
What did the lobster say when he saw the mermaid?
Gotta lay off the sea-w**....
What's the difference between a run-down bus stop and a big-breasted lobster?
One is just a crusty bus station, and the other is a b**... crustacean!
TIL the word "Muppet" is a combination of "marionette" and "puppet".
It's like how the word "mobster" is a combination of "man" and "lobster".
I was tanning on the beach with my son.
After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster."
"Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?" I asked.
He said, "No, you're just really ugly."
Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?
The answer is (B) a flounder.
The other two are crushedAsians.
Ever hear the one about the welfare moocher who used his government payoffs to live on lobster and steak?
It was Donald Trump.
A man goes to a $3 h**...
He contracted c**....
When he goes back to complain, the h**... laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"
A man goes to a $10 h**... and gets c**...
He calls her out on it, and she replies, "I was only $10. What did you expect, lobster?"
What's the difference between a Chinese man and a lobster under a bus?
Nothing. They're both crustacians.
Lobsters scream when they are being boiled.
I looked it up and thank goodness it's not true. It's actually the sound of tiny bubbles exploding through their skin.
Trump is that lobster smart enough to get out of the saucepan to turn off the heat!
Trudeau is the lobster that reaches out for the seasoning!
A crab, a lobster, a dolphin...
and a Japanese dude run over by a truck. Which one doesn't match up?
[The dolphin. The other three are all crustaceans/crushed Asians](#s)
What's worse than a lobster on your piano?
**c**... on your o**....**
Guy comes back the next day after seeing a 5$ h**.... "I have c**..."
It was 5$ did you expect lobster?
A man goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets c**....
So the next day, he goes back to complain and the woman says 'Hey it was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?
What do you call a lobster with a nutcracker?
A castration crustacean.
Why was Sean Connery giving away his lobster costume?
He was trying to be a little less shellfish.
Lobsters are greedy. They never give anything to charity. They're just shellfish.
But that's being too hard on them. Not everyone can afford to be a philanthropod.
A koala walks into a restaurant.
He says, "I'll have the minestrone."
The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of chili.
The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of lobster bisque.
The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of gazpacho.
After a while the waitress says, "Wow, you must be hungry."
The koala answers, "No, I'm just a moresoupial."
I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant yesterday....
Super cauliflower cheese, lobster was atrocious.
So a guy orders a five dollar p**... and contracts c**... from her, the next day the man calls the agency to complain
The receptionist answers with For five dollars what did you expect, lobster?
Whats the difference between a greyhound station and a big titted lobster...
Ones a crusty bus station. The other is a b**... crustacean
A man goes and gets a lady of the night for 5 dollars. He got c**....
The next day he went to complain.
She said, what did you expect? Lobster?
First Date
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
TIL that while little is known about the Tiananmen Square "Tank Man," many eyewitnesses claim that he was actually run over shortly after the famous footage was taken. Indeed, the Mandarin nickname for this folk hero is "The Lobster"...
...because he was a crushed Asian.
What music does a lobster listen to?
Bisque-o
What's the difference between a double D lobster and a 50 year old bus depot?
...One's a crusty bus station and the other's a b**... crustacean
$5 h**...
A man goes to see a 5 dollar h**..., he does his business and the goes home. The next day he was furious, he got c**... from the h**.... He decides to go back to the h**... and complain.
Man: This is outrageous I pay you and I get c**...!!!
h**...: Well what did you expect for 5 dollars? Lobster?
A man visits a p**... who charges 20$ and ends up with c**... so he goes back and complains.
She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"
The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,
that's shellfish.
So a guy buys a $5 h**........
They have s**... and the next day the guys realizes he has c**.... The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund
The h**... goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with t**...?
Ones a crusty bus station and the others a b**... crustacean.
A man goes to a $10 s**... worker and contracts c**....
When he goes back to complain, the s**... worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"
A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1.
They must be small," he says.
"No, they're normal size," replies the waitress.
"Well they're old then."
"Fresh today," she answers.
"Then I'll have one," says the man, smiling.
The waitress takes him to table and he sits down.
"Once upon a time," she begins, "There was a big red lobster ..."
Anniversary dinner
A husband takes his wife out to dinner for their anniversary. They both order lobster and a salad.
After a few bites of her salad the wife started holding her mouth as if in pain. The husband asks whats wrong? She said "This salad is extremely cold!" The husband replied "Of course, it's made with iceberg lettuce."
A guy goes to a five dollar lady of the night and he gets c**....
So the next day he goes back to complain.
And the woman says, "Hey, it was only five dollars. What did you expect, lobster?"
A guy asked a waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?"
and the waiter said, "We just flat out tell them that this is the end of the line."
I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said "Lobster Tails $1".
I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."
What's the difference between the Grayhound depo and a lobster with t**...?
Ones a b**... crustacean and ones a crusty bus station.
What's the difference between an old bus terminal and a big boobed lobster?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a b**... crustacean
My 4 year old nieces jokes:
Why did the lobster flush?
Because the sea w**....
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
What did the little flower say to the big flower?
Hi ya bud.
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Ice cream .
Ice cream who?
Ice cream so you can hear me!
