The Best 67 Lobster Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lobster jokes. There are some lobster crusty jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lobster crustasian puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Lobster Jokes and Puns

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Difference between Port Authority and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station...

The other's a busty crustacean!

Why don't lobsters share?

Because they're shellfish...

jokes about lobster

A man goes to a prostitute

and later he finds out he has crabs. When he goes back to complain, the prostitute says "It was only five dollars, what did you expect, lobster?"


What do you call a territorial lobster?

Shellfish.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

:D

Lobster joke, What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a voluptuous lobster?

What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?

They're both crushed-asians

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean.

A guest at a restaurant asks the waiter...

"do you have lobster tails?"
The waiter replies: "Of course! Once upon a time, there was a little lobster....."

What's the difference between a dilapidated bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

…One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean!

(My husband groaned loudly when I told him this one, so I knew it was pretty good.)

You can explore lobster clam reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lobster crabby dad jokes. There are also lobster puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A John gets crabs from a 10$ hooker...

he goes back to complain, and the hooker tells him "what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"

What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot?

One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I screwed up my original punchline...

So I walked by a restaurant in Maine!

It had a sign up " Happy hour special:
Lobster tail and beer!"

I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things!

A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong?

The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.

I was tanning on the beach with my son.

After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster."

"Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?" I asked.

He said, "No, you're just really ugly."

Lobster joke, I was tanning on the beach with my son.

Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?

The answer is (B) a flounder.

The other two are crushedAsians.

I was on the beach with my daughter.

After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."

"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"

She said, "No. Just very ugly."

A man goes to a $3 hooker

He contracted crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"


A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets crabs

He calls her out on it, and she replies, "I was only $10. What did you expect, lobster?"

Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?

Because he was... shellfish.

hahahaha

A crab, a lobster, a dolphin...

and a Japanese dude run over by a truck. Which one doesn't match up?

[The dolphin. The other three are all crustaceans/crushed Asians](#s)

Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along?

They were too shellfish.

What's worse than a lobster on your piano?

**Crabs on your organ.**

I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...

One day I lobster and never flounder again.

Guy comes back the next day after seeing a 5$ hooker. "I have crabs"

It was 5$ did you expect lobster?

Lobster joke, Guy comes back the next day after seeing a 5$ hooker. "I have crabs"

A man goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs.

So the next day, he goes back to complain and the woman says 'Hey it was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?

Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.


I was at a restaurant last night...

and I asked the waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?" And he said "We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line."

I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious

A koala walks into a restaurant.

He says, "I'll have the minestrone."

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of lobster bisque.

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of gazpacho.

After a while the waitress says, "Wow, you must be hungry."

The koala answers, "No, I'm just a moresoupial."

So a guy orders a five dollar prostitute and contracts crabs from her, the next day the man calls the agency to complain

The receptionist answers with For five dollars what did you expect, lobster?

Whats the difference between a greyhound station and a big titted lobster...

Ones a crusty bus station. The other is a busty crustacean


What do you call a lobster that won't share?

Shellfish

First Date

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."

I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster.

That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.

$5 Hooker

A man goes to see a 5 dollar hooker, he does his business and the goes home. The next day he was furious, he got crabs from the hooker. He decides to go back to the hooker and complain.

Man: This is outrageous I pay you and I get crabs!!!

Hooker: Well what did you expect for 5 dollars? Lobster?

A man visits a prostitute who charges 20$ and ends up with crabs so he goes back and complains.

She replys: "It was only 20$. What were you expecting? Lobster?"

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish.

Why didn't the lobster want to share?

Because he was shellfish

So a guy buys a $5 hooker.....

They have sex and the next day the guys realizes he has crabs. The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund

The hooker goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with tits?

Ones a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean.

A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"

A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1.

They must be small," he says.

"No, they're normal size," replies the waitress.

"Well they're old then."

"Fresh today," she answers.

"Then I'll have one," says the man, smiling.

The waitress takes him to table and he sits down.

"Once upon a time," she begins, "There was a big red lobster ..."

I stopped at a roadside stand where a sign read "LOBSTER TAILS $5."

I paid my $5 and the guy said....

"Once upon a time, there was this lobster....."

Anniversary dinner

A husband takes his wife out to dinner for their anniversary. They both order lobster and a salad.
After a few bites of her salad the wife started holding her mouth as if in pain. The husband asks whats wrong? She said "This salad is extremely cold!" The husband replied "Of course, it's made with iceberg lettuce."

A guy asked a waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?"

and the waiter said, "We just flat out tell them that this is the end of the line."

I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said "Lobster Tails $1".

I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."

Red Lobster cut me off the all-you-can-eat buffet after one plate!

Shellfish bastards!

What's the difference between the Grayhound depo and a lobster with tits?

Ones a busty crustacean and ones a crusty bus station.

What's the difference between an old bus terminal and a big boobed lobster?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

Lobster tail and beer.

My 3 favorite things.

Today I stopped at the road-side stall that said "Lobster Tails: $2"

So I paid my $2 and the guy goes "Once upon a time there was a lobster...."

My 4 year old nieces jokes:

Why did the lobster flush?
Because the sea weed.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.

What did the little flower say to the big flower?
Hi ya bud.

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Ice cream .
Ice cream who?
Ice cream so you can hear me!

I passed by a roadside stand that said "lobster tails: $2"

So I stopped, paid my $2 and the man said,

"Once upon a time, there was a lobster..."

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious!

Crabs

A guy picks up a five-dollar hooker and gets the crabs from her. Seeing her the following week, he confronts her and says, "You gave me the crabs!" She replies, "What did you expect for five bucks, lobster?"

What's different between Red Lobster and Facebook ?

At Red Lobster, the servers are responding.

Did you hear about the lobster that got a job at pizza hut?

He's working in the crust station.

A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked a blonde waitress for a lobster tail.

She smiled sweetly and said, * Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster… *

What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with big boobs?

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"

When I was road tripping through Maine I saw a shack at the side of the road with a sign saying $2 Lobster tails.

I thought this sounded like a bargain so I stopped, I paid my $2 and the old man at the window says "once upon a time there was this lobster..."

Everybody wanted steak for dinner but my kid wanted lobster

My wife is now scolding me for caving to his shellfish demands

Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2

I paid my $2 and he says "once upon a time, there was this lobster....."

I always say Lobsters are sketchy....

They are always getting caught Red-Handed. 🦞

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lobster crustacean jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lobster crustation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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