Loan Jokes
127 loan jokes and hilarious loan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about loan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get your daily dose of humor by reading these hilarious loan jokes that will make you laugh about student loans, mortgages, auto loans, and more! Learn about the differences between lenders and borrowers and the ridiculous things that people do when they take out a loan. Get ready to chuckle and be refreshed!
Quick Jump To
- Short Loan Jokes
- Loan One Liners
- Bank Loan Jokes
- Loan Officer Jokes
- Car Loan Jokes
- Student Loan Jokes
- More Loan Jokes
Funniest Loan Short Jokes
Short loan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The loan humour may include short borrow jokes also.
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.
- Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
- The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd. They've left those kids a loan.
- I loaned $200 to my girlfriend 5 years ago. She returned exactly $200 after we separated. I lost interest in that relationship
- Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face? Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
- Thank you student loans for getting me through university... I don't think I could ever repay you
- I loaned a blind guy some money... It's ok though. He said he'd pay me back next time he saw me.
- Thank you banks Thank you banks for the student loans, car loans and mortgages, which helped me survive my life.
I don't know if I can ever repay you. - Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.
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Loan One Liners
Which loan one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with loan? I can suggest the ones about bond and rent.
- Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I am forever in your debt.
- Thanks, student loans, for getting me through school I don't think I could ever repay you
- Are you a banker... because I want you to leave me a loan.
- Why was the mortgage sad? Because it was a loan.
- Are you a student loan? Cause I'd like to have you around for the rest of my life.
- I was so bad at math my bank refused to give me a loan Thank god I had someone to cosine
- My girlfriend must think I'm rich and dying She keeps telling me to leave her a loan
- To get a loan You need to prove that you don't need a loan
- Are you a bank? You need to leave me a loan.
- What do you call an actor who finished paying-off his house loan? Mortgage Freeman
- Did you hear about the cowboy who worked in a bank? He was the loan ranger.
- I loaned my friend $15K for plastic surgery... And now I don't know what he looks like.
- What do you call it when a bison borrows money from you? A buffa*loan.*
- What's the value of a cosigned loan? It depends on θ, but between -1 and 1.
- I was harassed in the bank... ...So I told them to leave me a loan
Bank Loan Jokes
Here is a list of funny bank loan jokes and even better bank loan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The people that work at my bank are so nice! Every time they call, they say my loans are outstanding!
- The employees at my bank are soo nice these days! Occasionally they would call me and remind me that my loans have been outstanding!
- A Tree walks into a bank... ...and says to the teller, "I'd like to take out a loan."
The teller replies, "You'll have to talk to our branch manager." - I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business. They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.
- Do you work at the bank? Because you need to leave me a loan.
- So I'm trying to open a chain of outdoor, overnight facilities to help children overcome symptoms of ADHD. Unfortunately I'm having trouble getting the bank to approve a loan for concentration camps.
- "Gilbert O'Sullivan came into my bank the other day," "What did he want?"
"A loan again, naturally..." - Funniest/Cheesiest pick-up lines? Are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest
- I'am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things Give me a Loan and then leave me Alone
- The Bank just rejected my loan request to start a magnet themed attraction park. They were repelled by the concept.
Loan Officer Jokes
Here is a list of funny loan officer jokes and even better loan officer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A fight broke out between two loan officers They piqued my interest.
- What did the Loan Officer say to the Tightrope Walker after he gave him a loan? You have an outstanding balance
- The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at. He called it a stable investment.
Car Loan Jokes
Here is a list of funny car loan jokes and even better car loan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the problem with your credit score? If my credit score equaled (my family's combined IQ + the money I currently have in my bank account), I still wouldn't get approved for a car loan.
- My father gave me a car loan at 3% over 5 years he said I needed to learn the principles of interest
- d**... girl are you a car loan? Because I'm 10% down and have about 4% interest.
Student Loan Jokes
Here is a list of funny student loan jokes and even better student loan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dear student loan, Thank you for saving my life. I can't think of how I can ever repay you.
- I'd like to take a moment to say thank you student loans for getting me through college. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you.
- I got my student loans down from 100k to 50k overnight with this super easy life hack. Divorce
- What do you call a college student who joined the paratroopers to pay off his student loans? Debt from above.
- After years of hard work after college, I finally paid back my student loans. I wish I can post this in a different sub.
- Due to the size of my student loans for my phd I have debts no honest man could pay.... Luckily I'm a statistician.
- This is a 'thank you' to my student loans for getting me through university! I don't think I can ever repay you.
- Thank you student loans for helping me get through college and for all that you've done for me! I don't know how I'll ever repay you.
- I won't pay off my student loans until I'm an old man Now that's what I call in-dentures servitude
- Thank you so much student loans! I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.
Silly & Ridiculous Loan Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about loan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean licence jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make loan pranks.
Anyone know a good joke about cigarettes and ethics?
I'm doing a presentation about the subject and I would love to throw in some humor, but I can't think of anything that is quick and simple. Any jokes you can loan me? =P
Thanks for reading/posting.
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
Kermit Jagger walks into a bank
and walks up to the teller, Patricia Whack and asks for a loan. The teller asks for something as collateral. Kermit produces a tiny porcelain elephant. The teller doesn't understand so Kermit asks to see the manager. The manager comes out and looks at Kermit and the tiny porcelain elephant. Patricia asks the manager what to do with the elephant? Manager says "it's a knick-knack p**... Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
My ex has become so poor
whenever i call her she always says "please,leave me a loan"
My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with soccer
So I said "On loan or permanent transfer?"
What did the triangle need to do before he could get a loan?
He needed somebody to cosine.
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out.
They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question.
We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire.
Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies,
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and
expect it to be there when I return?"
The musical doctor
Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.
Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.
Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?
Doctor: Don't worry, there's no strings attached.
ba dum tss.
Greece announced they are going to default on their nearly 1.8 billion dollar loan
Who would've thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke?
If I had a nickel for every racist thing I've ever said
I'd have a small loan of a million dollars.
An update to Windows 10 reminder was a little icon at first
Then it was an annoying pop-up. Now it's almost a full screen reminder. Soon they will start calling me on the phone and if I say no a couple loan shark guys will come to my apartment and make me update.
Pickup line: Hey girl, did I take a loan from you?
Because my interest in you keeps growing.
The Greek Economy
Forever A Loan!
I am a Art major
Leave me a loan
An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.
Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.
"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.
"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."
In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute Banker girl
The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."
If I had a dollar for every time Donald Trump denied something...
Then I too would have a small loan of 1 million dollars
I'm starting a support group for people who think they are mortgages.
The most important thing is for them to realize that they are not a loan.
Dang girl are you a zero percent APR loan?
cuz I don't understand your terms and conditions and you keep saying you have no interest
Girl, am I a loan offered to ppl with impeccable credit and a long history of timely payments?
Bc I have 0 interest
Why should you never loan LeBron James a dollar?
He will give you back 75 cents and say he wasn't sure about what happened to the fourth quarter.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark.
I think I could become a banker.
I always want to be a loan.
90 year old farmer wants a loan.
He goes to the banker for the loan to buy land. The banker has some concerns due to the old codgers age.
"What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?" The banker asks.
"I'll send you a check from heavan, because God would want all my obligations taken care of," The old farmer answered.
"But what if you go the other direction?" the banker queried.
"Then I'll deliver it to you in person."
Smart blonde joke
Whoah, I know. Here it is: so a blonde walks into a bank and asked to borrow a $500 loan. The bank needs some colleratal so she gives the bank her Rolls Royce. After a couple of months she comes back and promptly pays the loan back. The bank clerk asked why she borrowed the money if she could pay it back easily.
She said, "cheapest parking in San Francisco."
Why was the borrowed money sad?
It was a loan.
The wife has just been attacked by a shark.
In fairness, I probably shouldn't have taken the loan out in her name.
What was the US subprime mortgage afraid of?
Dying a loan.
Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?
Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest
My date: Yep.
Me: oh
I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism.
If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed.
What do you call an Asian banker with no friends?
Loan Lee
Blackbeard goes into a bank...
Blackbeard goes into a bank looking to secure a loan for a new ship. The banker nods and says
"Yes everything is in order. You'll be gettin' the standard 3.14% interest rate."
Blackbeard raises an eyebrow at that.
"The standard rate? What's that mean?"
"3.14%. You know...the Pi Rate."
Where do fish go to withdraw money
The Loan shark
Devil in the detail....
I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed.
A persistent banker wouldn't stop hitting on me!
Even after I asked him to leave me a loan.
The last girl I dated was like a loan on the All-New 2020 Silverado during Chevy Truck Month
She made herself available for a limited time only, then had 0% interest for 12 months.
A man took out a loan to pay for an exorcist...
However he couldn't make the repayments so the house was repossessed.
It's weird how my friend quit her job and took out a loan to open an Etsy shop selling stickers, but whenever I ask how things are going it's just...
*Cricut sounds*
I was in line at a busy bank...
I was in line at the bank and it was very busy so I had to wait awhile. At the front was a lesbian couple setting up a 529 plan for their new daughter's education. Behind them was a gay man waitinf to refinance his car. A bisexual couple was behind the gay guy talking about a home equity loan. Behind them was a trans person looking for HSA advice for upcoming treatment. I just had to wait behind the LGBT queue.
A customer walks into a bank...
...and tells the cashier: "Good morning. I've come to pay the final installment on the loan used to buy a baby stroller"
Cashier: "That's wonderful. And how is the baby doing?"
Customer: "I'm doing alright, thank you."
I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.
I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.
75 today, but not as old as this old farmer who's buying land
90 year old farmer goes to the banker for a loan to buy land. The banker has some concerns due to the old codgers age.
"What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?" The banker asks.
"I'll send you a check from heaven, because God would want all my obligations taken care of," The old farmer answered.
"But what if you go the other direction?" the banker queried.
"Then I'll deliver it to you in person."
I'm trying to buy one of those triangle-shaped cabins, but my credit isn't good enough to get a loan.
I'll have to get someone to cosine.
Did ya'll hear about the guy from India whose sandwich shop burnt down!?
He'll be alright. He got a loan to open a New Delhi.
That annoying banker wouldn't stop asking me questions.
I specifically asked him to leave me a loan.
I'm pretty excited. My loan got approved.
I'll be closing on a full tank of gas this week.
A Scottish Terrier walks into a bank
He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he's eligible for a small business loan.
Do you have any collateral? , Patty asks.
I do have this, replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.
I'm not sure if we can accept this, says Patty. Let me ask my manager.
Patty calls her manager over and explains the situation. The manager says
It's a knickknack, Patty Black, give the dog a loan.
Why did the first mortgage seek out a second mortgage?
Because it didn't like being a loan.
Pretty Excited!!! Our loan was just approved and...
We're closing on full tank of gasoline this weekend.
What kind of shark only hunts people?
A loan shark!!
Professor Stone: "To the geologist a thousand years or so are not counted as any time at all."
Man in the Audience: "Great Scott! And to think I made a temporary loan of two pounds to a man who holds such views."
Source: 1913 newspaper
