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Loaf Of Bread Jokes

131 loaf of bread jokes and hilarious loaf of bread puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about loaf of bread that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Loaf Of Bread Short Jokes

Short loaf of bread jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The loaf of bread humour may include short loaf bread jokes also.

  1. I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
  2. A programmer's wife A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
    He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
  3. What do you call a gay loaf of bread? A faguette
    ^^^^I ^^^^just ^^^^made ^^^^this ^^^^up ^^^^and ^^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^proud
  4. A programmer heads to the shops His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
    He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.
  5. A programmers wife tells him... A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
    The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread...
  6. A German is in the supermarket when he passes by a loaf of bread and greets it It had a gluten tag.
  7. What did bob marley say when he put his hand in the bread bin? Is this loaf that I'm feeling?
  8. Guy walks into a bakery and sees a green loaf of bread and asks the baker how he made it Baker says "Avocadough"
  9. What's the Indian way of saying 'Bread of Heaven'? Is it:
    A) Holy Loaf
    B) Sacred baguette
    Or C) Naan of the above
  10. Subway A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.

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Loaf Of Bread One Liners

Which loaf of bread one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with loaf of bread? I can suggest the ones about loaf and slice of bread.

  1. Why did the man get sick after eating a loaf of bread? He overdoughsed.
  2. Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread? The middle yeast
  3. I just bought a knife that can cut 8 pieces of bread at once. It's a four loaf cleaver.
  4. Zoo... I went to the zoo and saw a loaf in a cage.
    A sign read: "Bread in captivity."
  5. I recently lost lots of weight by placing bread on my head. The loaf hat diet
  6. I don't hate bread I loaf it 🍞
  7. What do you call an extremely flamboyant loaf of bread? A faggette
  8. You can lose weight by putting sliced bread on your head. It's a loaf-hat-diet.
  9. When bread gets depressed what is the most common symptom? Self-loafing.
  10. New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered... They're bread.
  11. Why did the loaf of bread lack manners? It wasn't raised right!
  12. I found a French guy stuck in a giant loaf of bread. He told me he was in a lot of pain.
  13. Why did the bread talk down about itself? It was self-loafing
  14. What do you call a loaf of grumpy bread? Sourdough!
  15. A loaf of bread made an enemy of me. Now it's toast

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about loaf of bread can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of loaf of bread puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Loaf Of Bread Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about loaf of bread you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean baking bread jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make loaf of bread prank.

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”

I saw a man dragging a loaf of bread along the floor so I asked him: 'What breed is it?'

He replied: 'It's pure bread.'

I said to the wife, I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today...

...but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' ".

I thought they'd named a loaf of bread after one of
my exes

then I realised it said Thick Cut

A programmer

goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.

ITT: Your best (or worst) puns.

See all those crows flying over that woman with that loaf of bread?
She's going to get murdered.

A programmer's wife...

...says to her husband that she wants him to go to the grocery store. She says "I need you to get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer later returns with twelve loaves of bread.

Why did the plane c**...?

The pilot was a loaf of bread... But how did the plane take off?
Yeast Rises

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

Why did the bread machine go to see a therapist?

It was too self-loafing.

A programmer...

A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store with the instructions, get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen. He comes home with a dozen loaf of bread and tells her, they had eggs.

A Software Programmer is going to the store.....

His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.

I heard there's a new Bread simulator game on Steam..

It's a great game if you're just loafing around.

A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread...

On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....

A programmers wife tells him...

"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.

What's another name for a loaf of pickle bread?

Dilldough!

A Woman sends her husband - a software developer - out for groceries.

She says to him: "We don't need a lot. Please get us a loaf of bread; and if they have free-range eggs please bring six."
The husband returns with nothing but six loaves of bread: "They had free-range eggs."

Why did the plane c**...?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
(my wife tells this joke to everyone and no one but me has ever laughed)

Miracle?

They say Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.

A wife asks her newfie husband to stop by the grocery store on the way home...

She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen"

He comes home later with 12 loaves of bread

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag
And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?
Flour power
And when a lot of people do it at the same time?
a rye-ot

When I was your age, my mom sent me to the store with a quarter and I came back with a loaf of bread, a bottle of milk, and a newspaper.

But you can't do that anymore because there's too many surveillance cameras.

What did one loaf of bread say to the other?

w**....

I saw Dolly Parton at the grocery store.

She had a loaf of bread and two j**... of milk.

A Frenchman is buying a bread stick and the cashier asks..

"are you okay carrying this loaf?
to which he replies
baguette .

Why did the man with celiac disease eat a loaf of bread?...

He was a gluten for punishment

What's the laziest food?

Bread. It likes to "loaf" around.

I went to the Zoo the other day

and there was a loaf of Hovis in the Lion enclosure - so I went up to the zookeeper and said "What's that doing in there?"
and he said "That? That's bread in captivity"

A computer programmer's wife sends her husband to the store.

She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,
"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,
"Because they had eggs."

How Jesus managed to give out enough fish and bread to so many people.

Take the fish and the loaf of bread. Cut the ends off. It becomes endless.

My wife told me,"run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

I came home with 12 loaves of bread.

Got hit by a loaf of bread today.

The cops arrested the guy for assault with a breadly weapon

What did the depressed loaf say to his psychiatrist?

"I don't know if I can keep on living, doc...I'm bread inside"

When I was a kid -

My mum used to send me to the corner shop of our street with a ten-bob note, and for that I'd bring back 6 eggs, 2 bottles of milk, a loaf of bread, 5lb of potatoes and a packet of sweets for me. Trouble is, you can't do that today.....
Too many cameras.

A programmer and his wife...

A programmers wife asks him to go to the shop and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer returns with one loaf of bread and twelve eggs because programmers don't act like computers unlike some others on this sub.

Got fired from the bread factory last week

Now I am out of dough and I just spend my time loafing around. Tough times, no matter how you slice it.

What's the difference between a loaf of bread and the United States of America?

If you leave a loaf of bread alone for 241 years, it can actually develop a culture.

My goodness, said the grain of wheat as she awoke and found herself in a loaf of bread...

I've been reaped.

Buying bread.

There's this guy who goes and buys a loaf of bread right? And at the shop the employee asks the guy if he wants a bag or not.
The guy thinks a little while...and then says yes please, baguette.

The programmers shopping list

The programmer's wife sent him to the grocery store.
"Hun, I need you to buy a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, buy a dozen.." she says.
Programmer comes home with 12 loafs of bread.

I've heard one beer = 7 slices of bread

I ate a whole loaf and I'm not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

What do you call a witty loaf of bread?

Pun

Jesus fed 6 people with 4 loafs of bread and 2 fish.

However adolf h**... made 6 Million jews toast

Two young boys went to a bread store...

Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she's up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn't wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the other boy. While up on the ladder the clerk asks the other boy if his is raisin too. To which he says, No Ma'am, mine's just quivering.

Subway

The company that managed to convince people that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.

"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say,

"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."
"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."

Where does Mr. Loaf sleep?

In his Bread! XD

I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread...

Upon closer inspection I realised it said, "Thick cut"

Adult grain: what do you want to be when you grow up?

Young grain: BEER!
AG: Ok, but remember to keep your feet on the ground
*years later*
Loaf of bread: I had dreams you know...

Did you hear about the new movie in which a beautiful girl falls in love with a loaf of bread?

Its called "Beauty and the Yeast"

What happens when you bang a loaf of bread

It crumbs

After her husband went to jail, a woman called the judge.

..."Why is my husband in jail?" she asked.
"Because he stole a loaf of bread." replied the judge.
"Will he get out of jail soon?"
"Why, do you miss him?"
"No, he drinks, he screams at me, he hits the children, he gambles. He is a terrible husband."
"Then why do you want him back?" questioned the judge.
"We need more bread."

Little Johnny coming home from the store

Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a goodopportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."

Courtesy of an 8 year old: A man goes to the supermarket

A man goes to the supermarket and puts a miniature milk bottle into his cart. Next he grabs a miniature loaf of bread and one miniature apple. At check out the cute cashier takes his miniature groceries and scans them one by one. Between the *beeps* she takes a good look at him and finally asks.
Cashier: Are you single?
Man: Yes I am, how did you know? Was it because of the miniature groceries?
Cashier: No, it's because you are ugly.

Everyone was telling me to stop making bread jokes

But i could tell they were having a loaf

When I was a kid, my dad would give me $5 and tell me to get groceries. I would come back with 2 j**... of milk, 2 dozen eggs, 1lb cheeze, 1lb Hamburger, 2 loafs of bread, and a half pound of butter.

But now a-days security has gotten better you just can't steal that much anymore.

Did you hear about the man who stole some bread

Yeah he Pinched a Loaf!

Two Australians are fighting over the last loaf of bread at the supermarket

They're both holding on to the loaf when one of them says:

It's stale mate.

I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper

Please don't ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*

What is the most violent part of a loaf of bread?

The middle yeast

Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note.

She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."
I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"
She sarcastically said " of course it would help"
So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"
I said "Yes please!"
"How much?" She asked
I said "£18.97"

A programmer's wife tells him to buy a loaf of bread, she also said that if there are eggs, get a dozen

The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread.

A customer walks into a bakery and orders a loaf of bread. As the baker wraps the loaf, the customer says, "You know, I bake my own bread at home, but they come out dense."

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."

What do you call it when you put you foot in a loaf of bread

Loafers

A woman goes to the store

She buys a cucumber, Greek yogurt, a gallon of milk, 2L Fanta, a loaf of bread, 6 pack of miller lites, can of olives and raisins. She then walks up to the counter places the items in front of the cash register. The cashier looks at the items, looks at her and then back at the items and says "I know you're single". The woman is surprised and laughs "That's crazy! How can you tell just based on my items?!". The cashier replies, "its cause you're ugly"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these loaf of bread jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.