Following is our collection of funniest Loaf jokes. There are some loaf bakeries jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these loaf bagels puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
He replied: 'It's pure bread.'
...but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' ".
then I realised it said Thick Cut
goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.
See all those crows flying over that woman with that loaf of bread?
She's going to get murdered.
...says to her husband that she wants him to go to the grocery store. She says "I need you to get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer later returns with twelve loaves of bread.
The pilot was a loaf of bread... But how did the plane take off?
Yeast Rises
A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store with the instructions, get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen. He comes home with a dozen loaf of bread and tells her, they had eggs.
A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread...
His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.
His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.
You can explore loaf panera reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean loaf loaves dad jokes. There are also loaf puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Baker says "Avocadough"
On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....
"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.
A faggette
Dilldough!
She says to him: "We don't need a lot. Please get us a loaf of bread; and if they have free-range eggs please bring six."
The husband returns with nothing but six loaves of bread: "They had free-range eggs."
Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
(my wife tells this joke to everyone and no one but me has ever laughed)
Sourdough!
Is it:
A) Holy Loaf
B) Sacred Baguette
Or C) Naan of the above
They say Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen"
He comes home later with 12 loaves of bread
I loaf it 🍞
A faguette
^^^^I ^^^^just ^^^^made ^^^^this ^^^^up ^^^^and ^^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^proud
The middle yeast
Gluten Tag
And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?
Flour power
And when a lot of people do it at the same time?
a rye-ot
A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
But you can't do that anymore because there's too many surveillance cameras.
I went to the zoo and saw a loaf in a cage.
A sign read: "Bread in captivity."
Weirdo.
Out of everything that happened today, they really took the cake
"are you okay carrying this loaf?
to which he replies
baguette .
He was a gluten for punishment
Bread. It likes to "loaf" around.
and there was a loaf of Hovis in the Lion enclosure - so I went up to the zookeeper and said "What's that doing in there?"
and he said "That? That's bread in captivity"
She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,
"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,
"Because they had eggs."
Take the fish and the loaf of bread. Cut the ends off. It becomes endless.
I came home with 12 loaves of bread.
"I don't know if I can keep on living, doc...I'm bread inside"
My mum used to send me to the corner shop of our street with a ten-bob note, and for that I'd bring back 6 eggs, 2 bottles of milk, a loaf of bread, 5lb of potatoes and a packet of sweets for me. Trouble is, you can't do that today.....
Too many cameras.
A programmers wife asks him to go to the shop and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer returns with one loaf of bread and twelve eggs because programmers don't act like computers unlike some others on this sub.
If you leave a loaf of bread alone for 241 years, it can actually develop a culture.
I've been reaped.
There's this guy who goes and buys a loaf of bread right? And at the shop the employee asks the guy if he wants a bag or not.
The guy thinks a little while...and then says yes please, baguette.
The programmer's wife sent him to the grocery store.
"Hun, I need you to buy a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, buy a dozen.." she says.
Programmer comes home with 12 loafs of bread.
Meatball with marinara, provolone, and parmesan on an Italian loaf.
I ate a whole loaf and I'm not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?
It wasn't raised right!
Pun
Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she's up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn't wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the other boy. While up on the ladder the clerk asks the other boy if his is raisin too. To which he says, No Ma'am, mine's just quivering.
The company that managed to convince people that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."
"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."
A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
Upon closer inspection I realised it said, "Thick cut"
He told me he was in a lot of pain.
It crumbs
It had a gluten tag.
..."Why is my husband in jail?" she asked.
"Because he stole a loaf of bread." replied the judge.
"Will he get out of jail soon?"
"Why, do you miss him?"
"No, he drinks, he screams at me, he hits the children, he gambles. He is a terrible husband."
"Then why do you want him back?" questioned the judge.
"We need more bread."
Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a goodopportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."
A man goes to the supermarket and puts a miniature milk bottle into his cart. Next he grabs a miniature loaf of bread and one miniature apple. At check out the cute cashier takes his miniature groceries and scans them one by one. Between the *beeps* she takes a good look at him and finally asks.
Cashier: Are you single?
Man: Yes I am, how did you know? Was it because of the miniature groceries?
Cashier: No, it's because you are ugly.
But i could tell they were having a loaf
Yeah he Pinched a Loaf!
They're both holding on to the loaf when one of them says:
It's stale mate.
Please don't ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*
The middle yeast
She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."
I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"
She sarcastically said " of course it would help"
So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"
I said "Yes please!"
"How much?" She asked
I said "£18.97"
The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread.
The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."
Loafers
She buys a cucumber, Greek yogurt, a gallon of milk, 2L Fanta, a loaf of bread, 6 pack of miller lites, can of olives and raisins. She then walks up to the counter places the items in front of the cash register. The cashier looks at the items, looks at her and then back at the items and says "I know you're single". The woman is surprised and laughs "That's crazy! How can you tell just based on my items?!". The cashier replies, "its cause you're ugly"
He's inbread.
They're bread.
Everybody touches you but nobody actually wants you.
I would do anything for love but I won't do that
The baker didn't loaf at his own jokes.
It was a bread pan delivery.
So he could LOAF around!
Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
...my boss was constantly rushing me, and I thought it negatively affected the quality of the bread we were putting on the shelves. I always suspected that if we just had a little bit of time between shaping the dough and putting it into the oven, the resulting loaf would be so much better.
But I could never prove it.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a bushel of grains that could have become whiskey, but didn't.
Then Jesus got out a jar of mayonnaise and THAT'S when Judas knew this was going too far.
Now it's toast
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the loaf bready jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working loaf meatloaf piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.