Loaded Jokes
89 loaded jokes and hilarious loaded puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about loaded that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best loaded jokes around. From shotgun-style punchlines to '9ja loaded' gags and Spring Loaded jokes, we've got all the reloads your bags can handle. Get your laughter fix now!
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Funniest Loaded Short Jokes
Short loaded jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The loaded humour may include short loading jokes also.
- What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
- My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!
- Everyone keeps downvoting my racist jokes. It's like a load of black people have suddenly gotten laptop or something.
- I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...) - Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me... Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..
- Chinese magican Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve. - I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't run.
- I wanted to become a professional sperm donor I already had my slogan ready: "Wait till you get a load of this guy!"
- I could see my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load last night... I could see it in her eyes.
- I met a frail old wizard. He had bad breath and loads of blisters. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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Loaded One Liners
Which loaded one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with loaded? I can suggest the ones about loads and reload.
- What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15? A MAGAzine.
- Its untrue that most women want to get married. I've asked loads and they've all said no.
- I put a load in the dishwasher She swallowed.
- Dropped my phone in a load of mayo What the Hellmann
- A good Internet Explorer joke. [Long] Loading...
- What do you call a semi truck with it's load half empty? Pessimist Prime
- Did you hear about the two gay truckers? They exchanged loads
- URGENT: HOW TO SAVE NET NEUTRALITY (PLEASE READ) Page loading...
- Yo mama so fat... It takes more than a single processor to load her chunks.
- What is a snowman's favorite winter solstice song? "Frosty the Loaded Thermometer."
- 11% of my life has been spent watching things load 12%
- A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.
- Put a load in the dishwasher last night She was mad I didn't pull out.
- How to understand girls.... Loading...
- What do you call a gay load of bread? A faguette.
Uproarious Loaded Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about loaded you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean packed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make loaded pranks.
Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Lost vulture
A young vulture flew away from his home for a bit and got lost on his way back. His parents searched and searched, but they couldn't find him. About a week later, he finally finds his way home, and his parents are so happy that they have a huge feast. His father places a plate in front of him loaded with his favorite foods. He asks his father "What's all this?" His father replies "Carrion, my wayward son."
3 old ladies go to a baseball game with a bottle of liquor. They finish the bottle...what inning is it and what are the circumstances on the field?
Bottom of the fifth and all the bags are loaded.
Farmer tries to breed pigs
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
Irish lawnmower
p**... was waiting at the bus stop with m**... when a truck went by loaded with rolls of turf.
I gonna do that when I win the lottery, says p**....
What's dat? says m**....
Send me lawn away to be cut, says p**....
edit;typing
Three old women go to a baseball game....
...To make things more interesting, they sneak in a bottle of bourbon with them. After a while, a lot of the game has gone by, and the ladies find they are almost out of bourbon. Given the information here, can you tell me the status of the game?
>^(It's the bottom of the Fifth, and the Bags are loaded.)
What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game?
At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded.
A gun walks into a bar...
And says "Hey bartender - I need to get loaded." The bartender says "Ok, I'll get you a few rounds."
My wife asked me "If you had a loaded gun, and you saw 2 busses that were going to collide and you could save one by shooting the driver of the other (killing everyone aboard) one bus loaded with children, the other loaded with my parents and relatives, who would you save?"
I told her "That's a loaded question"
You know, studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
That's why I own ten guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!
^(Source: Gravity Falls. Can't find a good clip of the moment)
A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with Vicks vapour rub.
Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.
Irish joke
p**... an m**... are sitting at the bus stop.
They see a truck drive by loaded with turf.
p**... says to m**...
'That's while I'll do when I'm rich m**...'
p**...;
'Whats that m**...?'
m**...;
'Send me grass away to get cut'
Textile Mill Heist
Earlier today police apprehended a criminal who had loaded an industrial-sized loom and 10 cubic meters of wool onto a truck in an attempted robbery of a local textile factory.
Police became suspicious of the truck when they noticed the driver weaving all over the road.
I met a girl who's family is so loaded...
even the bags under her eyes are designer
ELI5: What is a loaded question, and why is it bad?
FULLY LOADED
Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?
A: "We're gonna have a BB!"
Two Cajuns were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.
Boudreaux said, "I'm a'gonna do dat when I win da lottery!"
"What's dat?" asks Thibodeaux.
"Send da lawn off to be mowed."
My waiter asked, "would you like sour cream, bacon and chives on your potato?"
"That's a loaded question."
A man walks into a bar with a loaded gun
"All right, anyone here that slept with my wife, please step forward.
A man from the back of the bar shouts,
"You don't have enough bullets!"
If skynet really does exist...
... It doesn't need to take over by force, just get its name on the ballot.
2016: Russian Roulette with all chambers loaded
A feminist got drunk at lunch, accused her boss of coming on to her, and slapped him in the face.
She got loaded, triggered, and fired.
Universe's odds of existing? Near impossible. Humanity's odds of existing? Near impossible.
My chances at a relationship? Well... I make the other odds look like a 1 in 6 roll on loaded dice.
Guy walks into a bar with a unholsteret gun
Entering he waves it in the air shouting
"This is a 8 round loaded 1911, now tell me who slept with my wife!"
Shortly after you hear a yelling from the background.
"YOU NEED MORE AMMO!"
How do you tell if someone online is American?
They keep their caps locked and guns loaded.
(Not the best and not original)
A truck loaded with Vicks VapoRub overturns on the motorway...
Police confirms there will be no congestion for eight hours.
A boy is at a spelling bee.
Judge: "Your word is 'buffering'."
Boy: "Let me know when it's loaded."
Judge: "It's not 'loaded'. It's 'buffering'."
Boy: "No problem, just tell me when..."
Judge: "Buffering!"
Boy: "Oh, OK..."
Judge: "No, it's actually B-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G."
A Girl And A Shotgun Is Practically The Same
They both have to be loaded at the bottom
A Guy Walks Into a Bar with a Loaded Six Shooter with 1 in the Chamber
And yells "Who slept with my wife!? I'm gunna shoot that motherfuc***!"
A guy in the back yells back
"You're gunna need more ammo!"
I'm a new actor and just shot a pilot...
...turns out I wasn't supposed to use a loaded gun.
Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Hotdog guy gives him a loaded dog, Buddhist gives him $10, gets nothing back. Hotdog vendor explains, "Change comes from within."
I'm not saying I hate you...
I'm just saying I think you should play Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun.
Even now I still remember my father's last words.....
........Don't son that gun is loaded
You know what they say about net neutrality...
I don't know. The webpage hasn't loaded for me either.
Getting out of bed
I felt like Destiny 2 this morning getting out of bed. I crashed when my character loaded.
A joke my grandfather told me as a kid.
After the passengers loaded on, the plane flew out of the airport. As they were getting airborn, an announcement came over the speakers: "Welcome to the first fully-automated flight. There are no pilots operating this plane, it's being operated entirely by a computer. Rest assured that rigorous testing has been run to ensure that the trip will be completely safe. Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong..."
So, the cops are going to be at my house Christmas Eve thanks to my kids
They know that Santa's on his way. He's loaded.
Two Irishmen sitting by the road...
Two Irishmen are sitting by the road when a truck loaded with rolls of turf (sod) drives past.
"Aye, p**.... That's what I'm going to do when I'm rich."
"What's that then Declan?"
"I'm going to send my grass away to be mowed."
I'll never forget the last thing my grandfather said to me before he died.
That gun isn't loaded, is it?
Things you can say about a fully loaded truck but not your boyfriend.
Look at how big and fast it is!
Florida roulette
Just like Russian,
But with a fully loaded cylinder
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.
According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.
The secret behind tech guys being rich
You need to save to be loaded..
I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder
So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people
The last time I had s**... was like the 100m Olympic dash
Surrounded by 8 black men with their loaded guns
What's the difference between a truck loaded with sand and a truck loaded with babies?
You can't unload the sand with a pitchfork.
Studies show owning a ladder is more dangerous that a loaded gun.
That's why I own ten guns, just in case some fool tries to sneak in here with a ladder
Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?
It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
Diapers are like guns...
You always have to assume they're loaded.
My wife loaded me up with chores and errands after i told her I'm working from home, like i don't have any work to do.
She's right.
Why did I Stop Going Down on My Wife?
The Doctor said I shouldn't eat anything loaded with fat.
A t**... is teaching a class
He carefully puts on a jacket loaded with explosives and, turning to his pupils, says:
"Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to do this once!"
Colored Sailors
A ship loaded with blue paint collided with a ship carrying red paint.
Both ships sink.
The Sailors were marooned.
It's never a good idea to joke about school shootings
They're a loaded topic
A man pointed his gun at me and asked if I had lived a good life
Sounded like a loaded question to me
As long as I live I'll never forget my father's last words to me...
g**... BOY BE CAREFUL THAT THING'S LOADED!
A ship with a cargo of red paint collided with a ship loaded with brown paint.
Both are now maroon
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.
A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"
"It's hard to say."
Why should you always keep a loaded firearm in the small room by your front door?
Foyer protection.
I always keep a loaded gun on my night stand in case there's an intruder
That way, I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people.
NRA filing for bankruptcy?
I thought they were loaded!
A fully loaded tractor-trailer carrying 80,000 pounds of Tylenol skidded off an icy bridge, and ended up in the mighty Mississippi.
...Resulting in river failure.
What do You Call Tortilla Chips With Guns?
Loaded Nachos
Two h**... were sipping shine on the front porch
When a truck went passed loaded up with rolls of sod.
I'm a-gonna do that when I win that there lottery announced h**... #1.
Do wuuuut? Asked h**... #2.
Send my lawn out to git mowed.
Somebody asked if I like potato skins.
It was a loaded question!
I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.
She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.
I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.
Mary had a little lamb.
Why are there so many Italian guys named Tony ?
Because when they were loaded onto a ship from Italy, they stamped their foreheads with To: NY
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
What do you call a machine gun loaded with tranquilizers?
A Snuzi
A Doctor was addressing a large audience.
The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake.
What did The Magic Flute opera singer say when his son asked him whether his putting on a costume loaded with feathers meant that he was a homosexual?
Papa gay? No!
It's statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun
that's why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here
Nurse: You've been in a coma since 1995
Great! My Internet Explorer page should have loaded.
A truck loaded with Vicks vaporub overturned on the highway
amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
