The Best 48 Livin Jokes

How's it like living in a totalitarian regime?

Can't complain.

How would it be living in an only men city?

I think it would be tight at first, but then it would loosen up after a while.

I'm been living in an office supply cupboard for a few months now...

...it doesn't have many luxuries but it does have all the staples.

You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass.

You know what that means?

You Matter.

We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese..

Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.

Living in Greece..

Living in "Greece " now is like being a Sanitary Napkin.

You're in the most beautiful place but in a bad period..!!

Living in Switzerland sucks

but the flag is a big plus.

I have been living with a beautiful girl for the last 2 months. Last week she found out..

"What do you do for a living?" "I'm an organ trafficker."

"Oh my God, do you have no heart?"

"Are you criticizing me or making an order?"

You know, living away from my parents really makes me realize how much I need a dishwasher

that's also a really good chef

So what do you do for a living? Im in organ trafficking. Fu** ! Dont you have a heart?

Was that a critic or an order?

Living life on the edge.

My idea of living life on the edge is to leave the house on 18% mobile battery.

I was looking through the living room window at the tree I'd just planted and I thought to myself

"Why didn't I plant it out here in the garden?"

What do T-Rex's do for a living?

They're small arms dealers.

I'm living in a rough neighbourhood...

Some thug tore the front and back pages of my dictionary out!
It just goes from Bad to Worse

While I was living in Japan a woman approached me on the train...

She said to me, "What's black and white and red all over?"

"Wow," I said, "You can speak English?"

"Just a riddle," she said.

What's it like living with Permanent Erection Disorder?

Some days are harder than others.

What do you do for a living? I herd cattle.

Ah, you're a rancher?

No, I'm a Zumba instructor.

Living in Russia...

Living in Russia in the winter, you're already snowden.

It's like we're living in a video game...

"President Evil"

Ricky Martin's endorsing a new diet

Livin La Vida Locarb

You know, living through these tumultuous times politically reminds of a saying my great-great grandfather always use to say...

(*Insert racial pejorative here*)

I've always loved​ living in regions where people are treated differently because of their sexuality

You could say I have a pro-Pence-city

We truly are living in an alternate timeline.

I was sure the Deputy District Attorney's name was Rod Rosen**stain**.

After living in fear for years, Gloria Estefan's threat became a reality...

I opened my door this morning and was brutally attacked by the rhythm.

I was living with a girl for 8 months...

until she knew I was there

I've been living with extreme poverty and disfigurement for over 40 years, but today, God finally answered my prayers!

He said no.

Living with dementia is hard.

At least I think it is, I can't remember

I've been living in Sweden for a long time and it's been quite comfortable…

…but then it might just be Stockholm syndrome.

I tried living in the future

But I kept getting ahead of myself

Living in D&D world

If my human father remarries and has a child with a halfling woman, would their child be my half-halfling half brother?

Living on disability allowance is difficult, isn't it?

I have a friend who's a dwarf, and he really struggles to put food on the table.

So, both living in houses and making love with dolphins were just outlawed...

it may be difficult for many, but for all in tents and porpoises, it'll be ok.

What do you do for a living?

\- I'm an organ dealer.

\- Oh god! Don't you have a heart?

\- Is that criticism or a request?

Living in a big city, stars are like my dad..

I never see them.

Living in the spaghetto is tough...

One moment you're there, the next you've pasta way

They say living well is the best revenge

But stabbing works too

IM LIVING THE DREAM BOYS

one nightmare at a time

where's the only living gay Saudi Arabian?

just over a stones throw away

I don't see myself living to 2020.

But then again, I never had good vision.

If living on my own has taught me anything

It's that when life gives you lemons, you put them in your refrigerator and forgot about them until they rot

How do you know you're living in Alabama?

You get married for the third time and have the same in-laws.

Living in the Midwest, the temperature is going from -30 a few days ago to 60 tomorrow

Stupid bi-polar vortex

I have been living with two horses and three cows for a while now and I am much smarter than all of them.

You could even say I'm a stable genius.

Living to 90

So a guy asks his doctor, "Do you think I'll live to 90?"

The doctor says, "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you gamble?"

"No."

"Do you chase women?"

"No."

"Well," says the doctor, "let me ask you this: Why the hell do you want to live to 90?"

While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.

It's my secret 'stache.

Living in the northeast, I don't normally get mad about snow.

But this snitch ass weatherman just let my wife know what six inches actually looks like.