The Best 32 Livid Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Livid jokes. There are some livid capitals jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these livid furious puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Livid Jokes and Puns

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals

I M LIVID

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.

She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

A man walks into a bar...

Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.

Livid joke, A man walks into a bar...

My wife agreed to a threesome with two girls.

She was inexplicably livid when I told her she was neither.

At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...

... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"

"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."


I spent all of last night trying to remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500 and couldn't....

...I'm so LIVID right now.

A hot woman was standing in a bus.

A kid saw her standing, got up and said, "hey lady, you can sit here. I've vacated my place for you."

At this, woman got real livid and slapped the kid.

"These days you can't even be nice to anybody", said the boy and went back to sit on his father's lap.

Livid joke, A hot woman was standing in a bus.

Mexico was pretty livid when Donald Trump announced his plan to build a wall along the southern border of the United States...

...But once it's erected and complete, I'm sure they'll manage to get over it.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m.

...and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician...
I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

I forgot how to write "1, 1000, 51 5 1 500" in Roman numerals.

I M LIVID!

I gave up on fitness and angrily buried my juicer. I was livid when my friend dug it up again and told me to man up.

Did you just exhume my blender?

You can explore livid rage reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean livid slurs dad jokes. There are also livid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I forgot the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500.

I am LIVID.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

I get angry when I forget Roman numerals. But when I forget the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500...

I'm LIVID.

My wife never has sex with me anymore

She's always wanted kids so I suggested we start trying to conceive.

So far the sex has been great, but she's going to be livid when she realises I've had a vasectomy.

I was feeling really down the other day so decided to give myself a coffee enema

It worked a treat, but the manager of Starbucks was livid.

Livid joke, I was feeling really down the other day so decided to give myself a coffee enema

A woman and her baby get on a bus to head out for some errands. The bus driver mumbles: 'Wow, that's one *ugly* baby!' The woman was absolutely livid and storms to the rear of the bus to sit. The man next to her asked if she was OK. She replied: 'No, the driver just insulted us!'

The man replied: 'You should go back and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'

My girlfriends dog died, so to cheer her up, I bought her an identical one

She was livid. She said "this stupid jokes gets reposted almost everyday"

The school board is discontinuing the teaching of cursive writing and Roman numerals.

I'M €%¥&@# LIVID! (but not anymore).


I can't write 51, 6, or 50 in Roman Numerals.

I'M LIVID!

Mr. No-One and Mr. Nobody are sitting in a tree.

Under them, Mr. Stupid is sitting on a bench.

Suddenly Mr. No-One spits on Mr. Stupid's head. Mr. Stupid is livid and storms off to the Cops to report him.

He bursts through the door and yells:

'No-One spat on my head and Nobody saw it!'

The officer looks at him dumbfounded and asks: 'Are you stupid?'

'Yep, that's me!'

Roman

I'm Having trouble finding out what
51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals!!!
I'm LIVID

Just went on vacation in another country and met a local named Lavee. Nice enough gal but when she gets angry she becomes

Livid Lavee the Local

Roman prison

On my first day in a Roman prison they took away my name and gave me a number - I was **LIVID**

I opened my son's bedroom door and there was an orgy happening. I was livid.

That they noticed me standing there so soon...

I was absolutely livid with my doctor. He told me I had a brain tumour.

Naturally, I panicked at first. But I lost it when he said,

It's all in your head.

I told my Girlfriend my ultimate fantasy is to have sex with two women at the same time. She actually agreed...

She was livid when I told her she was neither of them.

I keep on forgetting what the Roman numerals are for 1, 1000, 51, 6, & 500 are.

I M LIVID

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She was livid.   What am I going to do with two dead dogs?

Can't remember the Roman numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500.

IM LIVID.

My carpenter friend brought me a single plank of wood by 5 o'clock today. I was livid!

"Whats wrong?" he asked.
"You told me you'd bring me 2 by 4!"

I didn't realize how bigoted my family was until I brought my gay black boyfriend home

My parents were fairly upset but my wife was absolutely livid.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the livid indignant jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working livid anthony piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes