Liver Jokes
124 liver jokes and hilarious liver puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about liver that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Liver jokes: what to expect from the most unexpected source? Learn how humor can lighten the prognosis for serious conditions like liver cancer, cirrhosis, and liver failure. Find out if laughing, as well as eating liver, really is the best medicine.
Quick Jump To
- Short Liver Jokes
- Liver One Liners
- Alcohol Liver Jokes
- Eating Liver Jokes
- Liver Transplant Jokes
- Liver Cancer Jokes
- More Liver Jokes
Funniest Liver Short Jokes
Short liver jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The liver humour may include short kidney jokes also.
- Doctor: Today we will deliver the baby Dad: Actually, we would like the baby to keep its liver
- A trip to the doctor... Doctor: "You'll be thrilled to hear that you don't have cancer in your liver. It was all in your head!"
Me: "Oh great!"
Doctor: "No, brain cancer is way worse." - My attempt at a Mitch Hedberg joke "Why are people always having their pizzas delivered? Just order them without liver."
- If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday: Liver damage
- I have the eyes of an artist, the mind of a scientist, the hands of a pianist, and the heart of a child. Now I'm getting the electric chair after I was caught trying to get the liver of a politician.
- These days, people are always having their food delivered. Why don't they just order it without the livers?
- John was the best liver surgeon in his hospital. I guess you could say he always de-livered.
- UPS- Your package has been delivered Me- Ok, thanks, but why was it livered in the first place?
- Why do pizza places always deliver the pizza before giving it to you They should just avoid putting the liver in the first place
- I got hit in the head when someone threw a can of cod liver oil at me yesterday... Luckily the damage was just super fish oil
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Liver One Liners
Which liver one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with liver? I can suggest the ones about lungs and body organ.
- Drunk man: "Is life worth living?" well, it depends on the liver.
- Someone asked me to help deliver a baby, but... Don't babies need their livers?
- Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body? Because they are well organized
- Alcoholism causes memory loss, liver diesase, And memory loss.
- They don't have blood banks in England ... ... but they do have a liver pool.
- My body is a temple My liver is a battlefield
- I'm so thankful for the people who deliver pizza I've always hated liver!
- Donate a liver, you get called a hero Donate a whole bag of 'em, you get sent to jail
- A Serious Issue Alcohol poisoning is a liver die situation.
- Is the life of an alcoholic worth living? Well, it depends upon the liver.
- LPT: Don't get your animals delivered. It turns out they need their liver.
- I'm a surgeon/mailman Overall I do a lot of de-livering
- What do you call an alcoholic mailman? De-livered
- Alcohol I would've never imagined my hands would consume more alcohol than my liver.
- Why did Hannibal Lecter try DiGiorno's Pizza? He heard it had de*liver*y flavor.
Alcohol Liver Jokes
Here is a list of funny alcohol liver jokes and even better alcohol liver puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What it the lifespan of an alcoholic? It depends on the liver.
- Roses are blue
My thumb's got a sliver
I drank far too much and I'm killing my liver. - My ex was toxic and didn't like alcohol... ...I decided to liver.
- Everyone has a second stomach for alcohol It's called the liver
- Alcohol will deliver you... Literally. De-Liver you...
- You say alcoholism... I say liver cross fit!
- My psychologist keeps telling me I'm an alcoholic... I tell him no no, I have neurosis of the liver.
- I'm not an alcoholic... My liver is evil and it must be destroyed.
- I didn't have alcohol for a week and got a text from my Liver,
- I drank so much I'm donating my liver to science fiction.
Eating Liver Jokes
Here is a list of funny eating liver jokes and even better eating liver puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Is it wierd ... that I enjoy eating raw liver while watching the surgery channel?
- why did Jeffrey d**... never eat liver and onions? He didn't like onions.
Liver Transplant Jokes
Here is a list of funny liver transplant jokes and even better liver transplant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The shortage of transplant kidneys in Britain is pretty bad But at least they have a liver pool.
- What type of fish can perform a liver transplant? A sturgeon.
- I just had a successful liver transplant operation. That surgeon really de-livered!
- If I had a dollar for each booze... ... I could now afford the liver transplant.
- What do you call a liver transplant? A delivery.
- When I promise to come up with an o**... transplant pun... I de-liver.
- What do you call an o**... transplant? A de-liver-y
Liver Cancer Jokes
Here is a list of funny liver cancer jokes and even better liver cancer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As an Irish-American, I don't appreciate being called a "river dancer" by my own family doctor Doctor: I said you have liver cancer
Cheerful Liver Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about liver you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stomach jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make liver pranks.
Given that a radiator is essentially a vital o**... to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie cars is called "Radiator Springs."
It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."
A teacher tells her students to make a sentence using the words "cheese" and "liver"...
The White kid responds, "Last night my mother made a Cheese and Liver sandwich. It was delicious."
The Black kid responds, "Last night my Dad told my Mom to go get groceries. When she came back without the Government cheese, he punched her in the liver."
The Mexican kid responds, "Last night some vatos tried looking up my sisters skirt. So I tell them, HEY LIVER ALONE! CHEESE MY SISTER!"
3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost in the desert.
They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....
I've never understood people who don't drink because it's "bad for you"
Honestly, I think they should lighten up and liver little.
In an interview yesterday, Texas Governor rick perry stood by his recent comments in which he compared homosexuality to alcoholism.
Perry further explained the similarities between the two by saying, They are both things I experimented with while in college and both resulted in my liver taking a pounding.
My Grandma E-Mailed me this one
When you drink v**... over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink r**... over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.
My doctor said I should stop thinking so much, it's bad for my health and could damage my liver
He also say's I'm half deaf
Why is OP's dog never satisfied?
They don't do liver
What o**... in the body never dies?
THE LIVER.
ometrist will copyright this joke. hopefully.
So my friend tells me that when he masturbates, he shouts, Come on, Liverpool!
I told him that most wankers do.
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
Hispanic Joke
Three kids are in school...
A white, a black, and a hispanic kid. The teacher tells them to make a sentence with the words liver and cheese.
White kid says: "My mom made me a liver and cheese sandwich and it was sooo good."
Black kid says: "Pops told mom to go get the Government cheese And she didn't, so pops punched her in the liver."
Hispanic kid says: "Some kid was trying to look under my sister's dress and I told the c**..., "Hey!!! Liver alone, cheese my sister!!"
I hope that Cyber Monday extends to the deep web...
Because I'm going to need to a discount on a new liver after all of that Thanksgiving drinking!
What human o**... would survive the longest in the hunger games?
The liver
Liver
Doctor: You are in trouble, your liver is enlarged
Patient: Does that mean I have more space for whisky now?
Sometimes it seems like I'm married to my own liver
I only a**... it when I'm drinking
Well sometimes.. SURPRISE!
I drink water, just to surprise my liver.
i was walking down the street, when someone threw a packet of cod liver oil at my head........
.......but i only suffered super fish oil injuries
What's a mailmans favorite o**...?
Da Liver
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**... from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
Filipino, a Chinese, a Japanese and a bar
Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
Unemployment at its best!
An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Two days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for work!"
Want to avoid hangovers?
Keep drinking forever. your liver and wallet will adjust.
I called up my local takeaway shop to see if they deliver meals
He goes "we do chicken, we do beef, we do fish - we don't do liver"
Frank was in dire need of a liver...
So his friend Fred delivered.
Which body o**... loves life the most?
The Liver
A man went to the doctor's, concerned about his liver...
The doctor asked: "When do you typically drink?"
The man replied: "i drink when flying. Calms the nerves."
The doctor sat back. "I see. Would you describe yourself as an alcoholic? Perhaps alcohol isn't the issue after all."
The man thought for a moment, and shrugged. "No, but I *am* a frequent flyer."
Three cats live at the football stadium
It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"
A couple expecting a baby meet their doctor for the first time
Doc: I'm gonna deliver the baby
Mom: Actually, we'd like to keep the liver.
Doctor: "I'll be delivering your baby"
Parents: "Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver"
If Liverpool wins, somebody warn the Pope!
1981:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies
2005:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies
2018:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool is in the Champions League's final
3.
Conversation at the breakfast table this morning.
Him: I shouldn't say I love you with all my heart. I should say, I love you with all my liver, since it's bigger.
Me: Then you should love me with all your ego.
Him: I don't love you that much.
There once was a beautiful Chihuahua and she had 3 Chihuahua suitors. She told them she would date the one who could most creatively use the words Liver and Cheese in a sentence.
The first Chihuahua said he likes his liver with a little cheese.
The second Chihuahua said he likes his cheese with a little liver.
The third Chihuahua said, Liver alone! Cheese Mine!
Super Dave Seinfeld Joke
A woman is vary afraid of the size of her opening, so she goes to her mother asking what I'm going to do ...
I'm so big down there when I merry my man he's going to divorce me !
Mother says: Don't worry sweetheart, do what i do when i married your father, go to the market, get some raw liver and put it down there and he will never know the difference !
So she does that and had 8 hours of s**... after her marriage. The morning after she wakes up she found a note from her husband under the pillow.
The note says: I love you darling, my heart beaten so hard last night I was afraid I was going to wake you up. Now I'm going to work so I can buy you a house, a car and all the stuff you want ! I can't wait to see you again after work !
P.S. - YOUR c**... IS IN THE SINK !
A british doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...
...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
Need advice: I'm 35 years old but due to drinking problems I have the liver of a 65 year old
I got drunk and before I knew it I was performing surgery on an older man. How can I either dispose of his liver or sell it on the black market?
British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced
British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut out a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. 4 years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
My brother once promised to donate me his liver.
Turned out he was only kidneying me.
Liverpool just won the league and the government are paying people without doing work
Somewhere out there, there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp deciding what to do with his last wish
Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work....
Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish
A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
The liver is the only o**... that can regrow if damaged....
I'll drink to that.
A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.
Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."
Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"
Poodle: "That's not gonna work"
Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"
Poodle: "...No"
chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"
In the Cars movie series, they have a place called Radiator Springs.
Now, radiators are vital components in cars, so I find it's a very weird name decision for a city.
Its like calling a human city "Liver pool".
Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your w**... for being too lazy.
Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her c**... and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?
Wife: I lost my w**... like You said
Husband: did it hurt?
Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like h**... when I put it back in.
Two friends are driving through a town...
They see a billboard saying:
v**... + water = kidney problems;
r**... + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town
I was asked to help deliver a baby
But will it be able to survive without a liver?
Different body parts rate each other
The Brain to the Liver: You're a 6.
The Spleen to the Colon: You're a 7.
The u**... to the Bladder: Urinate.
A teacher asked a white student, a black student and a Mexican student to use the words "cheese" and "liver" in a sentence
The white kid answered, "My mom made liver and cheese for dinner".
The teacher said that was very good.
The black kid said, "I would never eat cheese on liver, that is g**...."
The teacher said that was very good.
The Mexican kid says if some dude tried to step to my girl I would say, "Liver alone! Cheese my girl!"
I'm 35 years old but because I'm an alcoholic who makes bad decisions, I have the liver of a 65-year-old.
I really don't know what to do, but I hope I can find a buyer with connections in the black market or else I'll have to just get rid of it before I get caught..
It's true. A lot of people are only after me for my body
Kidneys, liver, heart and lungs.
A vampire walks into a grocery shop and asks for a bread.
The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have b**... sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank you, I want just the bread.'
The clerk asks: 'OK, but tell me - why the bread? I never imagined vampires like bread so much.'
The vampire looks at him, leans closer and says: "There is a huge car c**... at the intersection. I want to dip.'
It really takes heart to be an o**... donor.
Or a liver. Or a pancreas. Even a kidney or two.
My wife is currently giving away 30% of her liver (living liver donor transplant)….
We met with the surgeon right before she went back to the operating room and I told him I really hope you De-Liver
True story! (yes he thought I was s**... 😂)
