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Liverpool Jokes

52 liverpool jokes and hilarious liverpool puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about liverpool that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Liverpool jokes about games with Manchester United, or about the defeat from Aston Villa or Everton that will make you laugh uncontrollably. You can also enjoy jokes about Liverpool winning the league, knock knock jokes, along with sick jokes about lockdown.

Best Short Liverpool Jokes

Short liverpool jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The liverpool humour may include short football jokes also.

  1. Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work.... Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish
  2. What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool? You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.
  3. Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool fan who didn't wear aftershave Yul never wore cologne
  4. Liverpool just won the league and the government are paying people without doing work Somewhere out there, there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp deciding what to do with his last wish
  5. Steven Gerrard is releasing a biography on his time at Liverpool As of yet, the book has no title.
  6. I recently proposed to my girlfriend, who is from Liverpool. How did I know she was "the one"? Because she stole my heart.
  7. New routine Recently my mate started doing his morning workout on the 5:30 service from Norwich to London Liverpool Street.
    I asked him why.
    He said, "no train, no gain".
  8. So my friend tells me that when he masturbates, he shouts, Come on, Liverpool! I told him that most wankers do.
  9. A horse bolted and ran into Liverpool FC's training ground. The horse charged wildly at the team as they were in the middle of training. None of the players were hurt, but it clipped Klopp.
  10. I used to believe that Radiator Springs is just a place named after a car part and couldn't be that well-known at its peak... But then I saw Liverpool winning the premier league title today.

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Liverpool joke, I used to believe that Radiator Springs is just a place named after a car part and couldn't be that


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about liverpool can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of liverpool puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Liverpool One Liners

Which liverpool one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with liverpool? I can suggest the ones about soccer and defeat.

  1. The UK doesn't have a kidney bank But it does have a Liverpool
  2. I've just purchased a house in Liverpool. It's a 2 up, 5 down.
  3. Why are wheelchair users fans of Liverpool FC? Because they'll never walk alone.
  4. It should be night 24/7 in Liverpool Because they don't allow The Sun there
  5. What it would be like having one of his rivals not show up? Was he a rival then?
  6. What's worse than a pool of blood? Liverpool: Hold my beer
  7. Why did Liverpool football fans smell really bad? They never wore cologne.
  8. What city build the waterpark in the riverside? Liverpool
  9. Why do english people drink so much? because they have a liverpool...
  10. Liverpool I've been to Liverpool and never walking alone is actually pretty good advice.

Liverpool Supporter Jokes

Here is a list of funny liverpool supporter jokes and even better liverpool supporter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When does a Liverpool supporter not beat his wife? When she's wearing a Real Madrid shirt.

Liverpool Fc Jokes

Here is a list of funny liverpool fc jokes and even better liverpool fc puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two managers negotiated to swap their players for a trade. Cleveland Cavaliers agreed to trade JR Smith for keeping the ball to Liverpool FC for Loris Karius for passing the ball.
Liverpool joke, Two managers negotiated to swap their players for a trade.

Humorous Liverpool Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about liverpool you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean man city jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make liverpool prank.

Three football teams (Arsnel, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsnel says, "I think we might go hungry..."

Four men were stranded in a desert.
Suddenly, 1 of them died.
The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.
The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."
The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert

Hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."

3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost in the desert.

They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from Liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....

A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.

The other workers nickname him "w**...".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got m**... and p**..., they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".
The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "m**..., Mack, p**..., Wac leave the w**... alone!"

Three England fans on their way to the world cup fin a magic lamp..

Three England fans on their way to the world cup find a magic lamp on the road, the first one picks it up and a genie comes out!
"England fans?!" says the genie, puzzled at how they made it to the world cup.. "Well I guess you get one wish each like everyone else. What do you choose?"
The first England fan blurts out, "Rooney! I want Wayne Rooney to break his World Cup curse and finally score!"
"Done" says the genie.
The second England fan thinks for a second and says, "our captain, Stevie G, he usually under performs, I want to see him play for England like he did for Liverpool this season."
"Done" says the genie.
The third fan says, "Guys, you aren't thinking big enough! We have got a real chance here - I want England to play like Spain!!!"
"Done" says the genie, and vanishes.

Liverpool have went from SAS to LOLS

From Suarez and Sturridge to Lallana Origi Lambert Sturridge

Three tourists are having a drink in an expensive bar in Times Square

They're all astounded by the prices of the drinks.
One of the tourists says, "back in my favorite bar in Liverpool, every time you ordered a beer, you'd get another one on the house!"
The tourist from Ireland says, "that's impressive but back in my favorite pub in Dublin, every time you ordered a beer, you'd get a beer and a shot of whiskey on the house!"
Not to be outdone, the tourist from Poland says, "that's nothing. Back in Warsaw, not only were the drinks free but they took you to a room in the back where you had s**...!"
The other two tourists are amazed, they say, "that's incredible! That really happened to you?"
The Polish tourist says, "well, not to me but to my sister."

So Danny Ings is about to play his first game for Liverpool...

...Brendan Rodgers says: "We'll give you 45 minutes, then pull you off at half time."
Danny exclaims: "That's brilliant, we only used to get an orange at Burnley"

A man from Egypt, a man from Paris and a man from Liverpool are all on a hot air balloon ride

The man from Egypt says "we're in Egypt! I can see the beautiful pyramids". A while later the man from Paris says "we're in Paris! I can see the Eiffel Tower from here". Next, the man from Liverpool spoke. He said "we're in Liverpool! I can see someone stealing my car!".

I was driving through Liverpool when I got a flat tire...

I was driving through Liverpool when I got a flat tire, so I pulled up on the side of the road and got out to change it. While I was changing it, a stranger came over and opened my bonnet.
I asked "What are you doing?!"
"Well, if you're having the tires, I'm having the engine"

I just built an AI computer to predict soccer results, but scrapped it after a crazy 100 - nil prediction for Liverpool vs Arsenal yesterday.

Then I realised it was in binary

Some football fans are stranded in the woods

There are 3 of them.
One liverpool fan, one hartlepool fan and an arsenal fan.
They decide that they are going to need some food if they are to survive.
They set a trap and manage to capture a bear.
"We can't eat bear meat!" the arsenal fan shouts, "we're going to die if we don't" the liverpool fan replies, the hartlepool fan agrees with the liverpool fan.
They then decide how they are going to split the bear.
"I'll have the liver since I'm from liverpool" says the liverpool fan,
"I'll have the heart since I'm from hartlepool" says the hartlepool fan, and the arsenal fans shrieks "I'm not hungry".

Four football players are stranded on a deserted island

One of them succumbs to dehydration and the others begin to panic about their own fates. The eldest of them nods grimly and proposes a solution.
"Lads," he says, "it's not nice, but we're going to have to cannibalise him if we want to survive. I play for Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
The second footballer nods in agreement, "I'm from Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."
The third footballer frowns. "Well lads," he sighs, "I play for Arsenal... but I'm not hungry."

Three cats live at the football stadium

It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"

If Liverpool wins, somebody warn the Pope!

1981:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies
2005:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies
2018:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool is in the Champions League's final
3.

I watched Liverpool in the Champions League Final on YouTube on Friday night.

I thought YouTube only done funnies, Boy did they they come up with the goods that night. Funniest thing I have ever seen.

Why does Liverpool have an airport named after John Lennon?

Because it's the first place he went once he got some money

I was chatting to my mate from Liverpool.

Me: So what have you got your kids for Christmas?
Him: I got the youngest a trampoline and the
other 2 a bike each I found on the internet.
Me: What website were they on?
Him: Google Earth Street View.

Liverpool had so much going for them. Dominated the ball, constantly on the attack, great strategy to win the day. But no matter how often the were close a score seemed inevitable, Real Madrid defenders always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. It must actually be true what they say

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

It's the Merseyside Derby and Anfield is full to bursting

A Liverpool fan sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.
He turns to the man in the next seat and says 'I can't believe there's an empty seat on derby day'. The man replies 'This seat belonged to my wife, she died last week. She never missed a game'
The Liverpool fan says 'Oh I'm sorry for your loss, don't you have a friend or relative who could use her ticket?'. The man replies 'No. They're all at the f**...'

Liverpool joke, It's the Merseyside Derby and Anfield is full to bursting

jokes about liverpool

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these liverpool jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.