The Best 63 Liver Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Liver jokes. There are some liver pancreas jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these liver tapeworm puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Liver Jokes and Puns

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

A teacher tells her students to make a sentence using the words "cheese" and "liver"...

The White kid responds, "Last night my mother made a Cheese and Liver sandwich. It was delicious."

The Black kid responds, "Last night my Dad told my Mom to go get groceries. When she came back without the Government cheese, he punched her in the liver."

The Mexican kid responds, "Last night some vatos tried looking up my sisters skirt. So I tell them, HEY LIVER ALONE! CHEESE MY SISTER!"

3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost in the desert.

They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from Liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....

Liver joke, 3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost i

I've never understood people who don't drink because it's "bad for you"

Honestly, I think they should lighten up and liver little.

In an interview yesterday, Texas Governor Rick Perry stood by his recent comments in which he compared homosexuality to alcoholism.

Perry further explained the similarities between the two by saying, They are both things I experimented with while in college and both resulted in my liver taking a pounding.


My Grandma E-Mailed me this one

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.

My doctor said I should stop thinking so much, it's bad for my health and could damage my liver

He also say's I'm half deaf

Liver joke, My doctor said I should stop thinking so much, it's bad for my health and could damage my liver

Why is OP's dog never satisfied?

They don't do liver

What organ in the body never dies?

THE LIVER.

ometrist will copyright this joke. hopefully.

I'm not an alcoholic...

My liver is evil and it must be destroyed.

I want to give a shout out to liver

thanks buddy for keeping all those bad influences out of my life

You can explore liver cirrhosis reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean liver absinthe dad jokes. There are also liver puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Hispanic Joke

Three kids are in school...

A white, a black, and a hispanic kid. The teacher tells them to make a sentence with the words liver and cheese.

White kid says: "My mom made me a liver and cheese sandwich and it was sooo good."
Black kid says: "Pops told mom to go get the Government cheese And she didn't, so pops punched her in the liver."

Hispanic kid says: "Some kid was trying to look under my sister's dress and I told the cabron, "Hey!!! Liver alone, cheese my sister!!"

My attempt at a Mitch Hedberg joke

"Why are people always having their pizzas delivered? Just order them without liver."

I hope that Cyber Monday extends to the deep web...

Because I'm going to need to a discount on a new liver after all of that Thanksgiving drinking!

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver

Liver

Doctor: You are in trouble, your liver is enlarged

Patient: Does that mean I have more space for whisky now?

Liver joke, Liver

Sometimes it seems like I'm married to my own liver

I only abuse it when I'm drinking

A Serious Issue

Alcohol poisoning is a liver die situation.

The shortage of transplant kidneys in Britain is pretty bad

But at least they have a liver pool.


They don't have blood banks in England ...

... but they do have a liver pool.

Well sometimes.. SURPRISE!

I drink water, just to surprise my liver.

i was walking down the street, when someone threw a packet of cod liver oil at my head........

.......but i only suffered super fish oil injuries

What's a mailmans favorite organ?

Da Liver

A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a hot chick from across a bar.

She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"

Filipino, a Chinese, a Japanese and a bar

Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!

You say alcoholism...

I say liver cross fit!

What type of fish can perform a liver transplant?

A sturgeon.

Unemployment at its best!

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Two days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for work!"

Want to avoid hangovers?

Keep drinking forever. your liver and wallet will adjust.

I called up my local takeaway shop to see if they deliver meals

He goes "we do chicken, we do beef, we do fish - we don't do liver"

Which body organ loves life the most?

The Liver

I just had a successful liver transplant operation.

That surgeon really de-livered!

A man went to the doctor's, concerned about his liver...

The doctor asked: "When do you typically drink?"

The man replied: "i drink when flying. Calms the nerves."

The doctor sat back. "I see. Would you describe yourself as an alcoholic? Perhaps alcohol isn't the issue after all."

The man thought for a moment, and shrugged. "No, but I *am* a frequent flyer."

Alcoholism causes memory loss, liver diesase,

And memory loss.

Three cats live at the football stadium

It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.

The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver

"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart

The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"

Doctor: Today we will deliver the baby

Dad: Actually, we would like the baby to keep its liver

Doctor: "I'll be delivering your baby"

Parents: "Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver"

Donate a liver, you get called a hero

Donate a whole bag of 'em, you get sent to jail

If Liverpool wins, somebody warn the Pope!

1981:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2005:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2018:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool is in the Champions League's final
3.

Conversation at the breakfast table this morning.

Him: I shouldn't say I love you with all my heart. I should say, I love you with all my liver, since it's bigger.

Me: Then you should love me with all your ego.

Him: I don't love you that much.

If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday:

Liver damage

There once was a beautiful Chihuahua and she had 3 Chihuahua suitors. She told them she would date the one who could most creatively use the words Liver and Cheese in a sentence.

The first Chihuahua said he likes his liver with a little cheese.

The second Chihuahua said he likes his cheese with a little liver.

The third Chihuahua said, Liver alone! Cheese Mine!

A trip to the doctor...

Doctor: "You'll be thrilled to hear that you don't have cancer in your liver. It was all in your head!"

Me: "Oh great!"

Doctor: "No, brain cancer is way worse."

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...

...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."

The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

Need advice: I'm 35 years old but due to drinking problems I have the liver of a 65 year old

I got drunk and before I knew it I was performing surgery on an older man. How can I either dispose of his liver or sell it on the black market?

Alcohol

I would've never imagined my hands would consume more alcohol than my liver.

British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced

British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut out a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,

in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."

The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. 4 years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

Everyone has a second stomach for alcohol

It's called the liver

As an Irish-American, I don't appreciate being called a "river dancer" by my own family doctor

Doctor: I said you have liver cancer

My brother once promised to donate me his liver.

Turned out he was only kidneying me.

I got hit in the head when someone threw a can of cod liver oil at me yesterday...

Luckily the damage was just super fish oil

Liverpool just won the league and the government are paying people without doing work

Somewhere out there, there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp deciding what to do with his last wish

Why do pizza places always deliver the pizza before giving it to you

They should just avoid putting the liver in the first place

Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work....

Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish

Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized

What it the lifespan of an alcoholic?

It depends on the liver.

A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.

When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!

The liver is the only organ that can regrow if damaged....

I'll drink to that.

A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.

Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."

Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"

Poodle: "That's not gonna work"

Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"

Poodle: "...No"

Chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"

John was the best liver surgeon in his hospital.

I guess you could say he always de-livered.

In the Cars movie series, they have a place called Radiator Springs.

Now, radiators are vital components in cars, so I find it's a very weird name decision for a city.

Its like calling a human city "Liver pool".

I'm so thankful for the people who deliver pizza

I've always hated liver!

Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your womb for being too lazy.

Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her crotch and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?

Wife: I lost my womb like You said

Husband: did it hurt?

Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like hell when I put it back in.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the liver stress jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working liver intestine piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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