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Little Tommy Jokes

11 little tommy jokes and hilarious little tommy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little tommy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Little Tommy Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good little tommy joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

The Pope is teaching a Sunday school class

"Children" begins the Pope. "Where's Jesus today?"
Little Tommy says: "He's in my heart."
Little Barry says: "He's in Heaven."
Little Davey says: "He's in our bathroom."
The surprised Pope asks Little Davey how he knows this.
"Well," says Little Davey, "every day my Dad bangs on our bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"

Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think

Miss Spencer asked her class what they want to be when they grow up

And little Tommy enthusiastically responded: "I want to be a j**...!"
In shock Miss Spencer asked: "Dear heavens, why would you want to be that?"
"Well," responded Tommy "Whenever I'm walking in the city with my dad he always says 'Look at that j**... driving his Porsche', 'Look at that j**... with his hot wife' or 'Look at that j**... living in his giant mansion'

Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom n**..., just getting out of the shower...

"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she put it, I saw her cleaning daddy's face with it the other day."

A little girl goes to the violin teacher

When she opens the violin case, there is no violin but a tommy gun in it. The teacher is shocked, but the little girl is just giggling.
What so funny about this? the teacher askes her terrified.
You see, now my father is trying to rob the bank with a violin!

A father takes his son on a fishing trip

On their tiny boat, Little Tommy realises that that the floor is covered in a mess of different nets. He looks up to dad and asks, "Dad, why do we need so many kinds of nets?"
Dad smiles gently and looks into his young son's eyes.
"Back in my day, when I went fishing with my own dad we only needed one net! Nowadays, we need one specifically for trout, herring, bass and all the different kinds of fish!"
Little Tommy listens yet is still confused and tugs on his father's cargo pants
"But what changed Daddy?"
Dad pats the top of Little Tommy's head and sighs
"Nets became prejudiced to the type of fish they caught."
"There's no Net Neutrality now."

Poor Tommy

The teacher asked her class to write down on a piece of paper the type of work their daddies did.
The children, very excitedly, scribbled their answers
One by one, the teacher asked each child to stand and describe the job.

There was much laughter and screaming, apart from, that is little Tommy.
"Tommy, why do you look so sad?" asked the teacher.
Tommy slowly rose to his feet, and replied: "my dads a stripper in a gay bar".
The other children remained silent as Tommy continued:
"Sometimes, he doesn't come home, and my mummy sits crying, sometimes he sells his body for other mens pleasure."
There were gasps around the classroom, the teacher acted quickly and dismissed the children, telling them to go outside and play.
She then walked up to Tommy, put her arm around him, and asked "is that all true Tommy?
"No not at all miss. He really plays rugby for England, but i was too embarrassed to say"

Little Mary earns fifteen dollars

One day, little Mary was coming home from school, and when she came home, she said, "Mom, I got five dollars!"
Her mother said, "Where'd you get the five dollars?"
Mary replied, "Well, little Tommy was up the tree and he asked me to do a cartwheel."
The mother said, "Mary, don't you know that he just wanted to see your p**...?.."
Little Mary got mad. She said, "Oooh..." and the next day, she came home with ten dollars.
"Mary, where did you get ten dollars?" said the mother.
"Well, I told you little Tommy was up there," said Mary, and her mother replied, "Mary, didn't I tell you he wanted to see your p**...?"
Mary said, "No, Mom, I fooled him! I wasn't wearing any!"

Little Johnny is in Sunday School,

and little Mary Margaret in the front row pipes up, "Sister Jean, what part of our body gets to heaven first?"
And the sister Jean smiles and asks, "Well what do you think, class? What part of your body gets to heaven first?"
Tommy raises his hand, "I think it's your hands, 'cuz that's what you pray with."
"Oh lovely, Thomas." says sister Jean
Then little Mary Margaret chimes in again "I think it's your heart, 'cuz that's where Jesus lives"
Sister Jean clutches her chest, "Beautiful, dear."
But then Johnny shouts, "It's your LEGS!"
Sister Jean looks stunned, "Your legs, John? Why?!"
"Last night I went in my mommy and daddy's room, and mommy was on the bed, with her legs in the air going 'OH GOD, I'M COMING!'"

Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say.
His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?"
He says"Quack quack Mummy."
His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right."
She says "What does a dog say?"
He says "Woof woof Mummy."
She says "Very good."
She says "What does a cat say?"
He says "Meow meow Mummy."
She says "Yes that's right."
Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go."
His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?"
The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says."
Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"

Billy was excited about his first day at school.


So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.
Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can’t find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and went on his way.
A short while later he returned to the class room and said to the teacher "I still can’t find it."
Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who had been at the school for awhile, to help Billy find the bathroom.
So Tommy and Billy left the classroom together and five minutes later they both return and sat down at their seats.
The teacher asked Tommy "Well, did you find it?"
Tommy was quick with his reply. "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."


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