Little Susie Jokes
16 little susie jokes and hilarious little susie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little susie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Little Susie Short Jokes
Short little susie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The little susie humour may include short little suzie jokes also.
- Little Johnny asked one day, "Mommy can little girls give birth?" "No son. Of course not"
"Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!" - Little Susie goes to the doctor... Little Susie goes to the doctor. Doctor puts a stethoscope on her back and says, "Ok now, big breathes."
Susie says, "I know! And I'm only 12!"
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Little Susie One Liners
Which little susie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with little susie? I can suggest the ones about little miss and little mary.
- I heard Jared lost about 7 inches. .. But little Susie isn't sure.
Amusing & Witty Little Susie Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about little susie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean little sister jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make little susie pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
Helpful Daughter
Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
Little Johnny is in Catholic School
The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"
Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."
Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."
Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."
The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.
Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"
Little Susie came home from school and told her mum the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels
"you should tell them No, they only want to see your knickers" said her mum
"I know that, that's why I hide them in my bag"
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.
"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"
A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"
The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out of the tomb?"
Susie stood up proudly. "He said, 'TAH-DAH!'"
For all the animal lovers out there
A teacher is in front of the class teaching word problems. She asks little Susie,
Teacher: If you had 5 pets and someone wanted 3 of them, how many would you have?
Susie: 5, I'm not going to give them away.
Teacher: Alright, if you had 5 pets and someone forcibly took 3 of them, how many would you have?
Susie: 5...and a dead body.
The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"
Legs up in the Air
One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."
The next day when Susie's dad came home she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today." Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened?" And Susie said, "Well Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus I'm coming I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a gonner."
Using the word 'definitely'
A 3rd grade English teacher stood in front of her class and asked for volunteers to use the word 'definitely' to describe something.
The first student, Johnny, raised his hand and said "Teacher, the sky is definitely blue!"
The teacher responds "Well Johnny, sometimes the sky can be grey and sometimes it can be black." Defeated, Johnny put his hand down.
The next student, Susie, looking to make Johnny look bad proudly said "The grass is definitely green."
Teacher responded "Not so true Susie. When the grass dies, it can be brown, or yellow." Susie was embarrassed.
The teacher looked around the room and saw a puzzled look on her student's faces. Just as she was about the help her students out, little Billy threw his hand up.
"Yes Billy?"
"Teacher, are farts lumpy?" Little Billy asked.
"No Billy, farts are not lumpy."
"....Then I definitely just pooped my pants."
EDIT - Names...D'oh. Face meet palm
One my grandmother told me . . .
Little Susie's mother was sending her to the corner grocery store. "Ask for a pound of dried peas," she said. "And don't forget to ask Mr. Jones how his wife is feeling. She had a bad fall last week."
So Little Susie walks to the grocery repeating to herself, "A pound of dried peas, and how is your wife feeling? A pound of dried peas and how is your wife feeling?"
So she finally gets to the grocery store and goes up to Mr. Jones behind the counter.
"Well hello, Little Susie," said Mr. Jones. "What can I do for you?"
Little Susie replied in one breath, "I would like a pound of dried peas, and how is your wife feeling?"
"Split or whole?" said Mr. Jones.
Little Susie's eyes bulged out. "She DID?!"
So, a mother takes her daughter to a doctor...
A mother and her daughter came to the doctor's office. The mother asked the
doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and
I'm worried about her," the mother said.
The doctor examined the daughter carefully. Then he announced, "Madam, I
believe your daughter is pregnant."
The mother gasped. "That's nonsense!" she said. "Why, my little girl has never
even been out with a man, let alone... let alone..." She turns to the girl and
said, "Tell the doctor, Susie!"
"Yes, Mumsy," said the girl. "Doctor, I have never so much as kissed a man!"
The doctor looked from the mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently
he stood up and walked to the window. He stared out. He continued staring
until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out
there?"
"No, Madam," said the doctor. "It's just that the last time anything like this
happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one
was going to show up."
There were two sisters...
Once upon a time, in the wild, wild West there were two sisters, Jill and Susie. A relative of theirs dies and leaves the two sisters a ranch. The ranch was run down and they had little else to their name besides the ranch so they thought they'd invest what they had left into a stud bull to mate with their cows.
They found an ad in the paper for a healthy bull for sale for $500 and decided Jill would go down and see if the bull would be suitable and Susie would stay back and manage the ranch. If Jill decided the bull was fine she would send a telegraph back home to have Susie come down and help bring the bull back up.
Jill travels out to look at the bull and decides that it is worth the money. She pays the $500 and goes to the telegraph office to send word to her sister. She told the operator she'd like to send a message to her sister that the bull was fine and that she should come down to help bring it back to the ranch.
The operator told her it would cost $1 per word. All Jill had left after buying the bull was $1 and she thought long and hard about the message she could send. Finally, she told the operator to send the word "comfortable." The operator shook his head and said, "I don't get it, why the word comfortable?" Jill said, my sister is blonde, she'll look at the word and read it slow. COM-FOR-DA-BULL.