The Best 29 Little Pigs Jokes

There were three pigs. The first pig went to a bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The second pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left.

The third pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, and was just going to leave. The bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom, the third little pig said, “No, I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home.”

A city child came running into the farmhouse.

“No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled.

“There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”

A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.

She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.

"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"

"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."

Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers.

When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing.

"Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?"

"I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"

A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked...

her class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Here's an update for you:

Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.

Why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...

You guys hear the one about the little French pig?

It cried Oui Oui Oui all the way home.

a man walks in to a Chinese restaurant

He was asked to wait at the bar until a table was available. The bartender asked "what would you like?" The man answered, "I'd like a Stoli with a twist." The bartender paused for a moment then said " Once upon a time, there were three little pigs...."

When I was little I used to think my daddy worked at a farm.

Because he would always tell us how he works with a bunch of cows, jackasses and pigs.

What does the fat cow give you?

Teacher: "Kids,what does the little chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the squealy pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...

She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".

Joke provided by my ten year old son.

What is the three-little-pig's favourite horror movie?

The Texas Chain-sow massacre.

A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, "what kind of noises did you hear at the farm?"

The first kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the cow go moo!"

The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!"

The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little fucker!'"

What do you call a miniature pig with narcolepsy?

A sleepy little hamlet.

Little Jimmy's father is mad at his son.

"Jimmy, you're a pig," he says. "Do you know what a pig is?"

"Yeah," Little Jimmy says. "A pig is a hog's little boy."

What's the difference between a pig and a dwarf janitor?

One is messy, and the other is a little cleaner.

We had our pot-bellied pig de-oinked

He was a little disgruntled.

In regards to the little slice of pork in "Pork 'n Beans"

That pig is probably fine.

If the Wolf from "Three Little Pigs" attended Hogwarts, which house would he be placed in?

Huffnpuff

The Three Little Pigs order off the vegan menu

But Mary Had a Little Lamb.

I asked her, "Aren't you afraid of the big bad wolf?"

She said, "No."

I said, "Weird, the other two little pigs were."

*

Thankfully the ICU has great wi-fi.

Why is a pig M. Night Shyamalan's favorite animal?

Cause it has a little twist at the end.

What kind of clothes did the little pig wear?

Hammy-downs

Little boy asks a farmer "how do you tell the girl pigs from the boy pigs?".....

Farmer says "By their pigtails"

Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken?

Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

So a wolf comes to a village with three awfully farmilar houses

Shalom Says the Wolf

Phew Says the three little pigs

My girlfriend got mad at me for calling her 'babe'.

I guess "that'll do pig, that'll do" took it a little too far.

I have a farm and 3 pigs, well had 3 pigs. I resently sloughterd them IT was my mom dad and little sister IT was my mom dad and little sister

How did the 3 little pigs build their houses?

With HAMmers!