Little Person Jokes
123 little person jokes and hilarious little person puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little person that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Little Person Short Jokes
Short little person jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The little person humour may include short little man jokes also.
- A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.
- I was going to make a game where you play a death-defying, cross-dressing little person. But I see you guys hate micro trans action.
- What happens when a psychic Little Person escapes from prison? We've got a small medium at large.
- I was visiting a midget prison today... As I was leaving, I saw a little person climbing over a prison wall to escape. He turned and gave me a dirty look, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'.
- I rear-ended a car the other day and out comes a little person. He says to me, "I'm not happy", so I reply, "Then which one are you?"
- Got into an accident today... ...with a little person. He got out of his car and said
"I am NOT happy!."
" well which one are you?" - Did you hear about the little person who used his psychic abilities to escape prison? He's a small medium at large.
- My short friend has been trying to hide the fact they changed their gender AND had a kid Personally, I think they're a little transparent.
- My friend,who is a little person,got pickpocketed on his way home from work... How could anyone stoop so low.
- What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
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Little Person One Liners
Which little person one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with little person? I can suggest the ones about little guy and small man.
- Apparently Elton John has a personal trainer for his rabbit… It's a little fit bunny
- What piece of furniture does every person own? A little stool up their butts.
- What is an epileptic person's favorite pizza place? Little Seizures
- Did you hear about the little person who got stuck in a blender? He was a midget spinner
- What do you call a little person in a wheelchair? A midget spinner.
- I went to a little person convention yesterday It was boring, just all small talk.
- What do you call a gay little person. A fruit snack.
- What does a transgender person call their sibling? little cis
- What did the doctor tell the shrinking person? He has to be a little patient.
- Personally I prefer white rice in my risotto I guess you could say I'm a little ricist
- What's the most ironic thing about being a little person? It's hard to fit in.
- A color blind person is feeling down He's feeling a little purple
- What do you call a short person who comes from the Shetland Islands? A little Shet
- What do you call a merry-go-round with a little person on it? A midget spinner
- What did the little person order to drink while at a bar in Minneapolis? a Minnesota
Witty Little Person Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about little person you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean small people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make little person pranks.
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out.
The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him.
The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid.
"Is this really your grandmother?"
"Yes. She visits every Christmas!"
"Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists.
"At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".
My wine drinking is merely functional... My personality is better with a little marinade.
A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)
A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie s**...! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
A koala bear walks into a brothel picks out the best looking girl and heads upstairs with her.
While up there he eats her out like a madman doing things she's never even heard of.
After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.
The girl stops him and demands payment.
The bear doesn't understand. She has him look up p**... in the dictionary, a person who trades s**... for money. Still a little confused he asks what does it say about me.
Koala bear, an Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves.
What do you call a psychic little person on the lam?
A small medium at large
So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..
tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"
edited for grammar n**....
The man who ran over himself.
Person 1: Have you ever heard about the man who ran over himself?
Person 2: No, tell me about it.
Person 1: There's a man waiting at a bus-stop and he realizes that he needs to pick up some candy for his nephew, which he usually does when he goes to see him. Meanwhile, theres a little boy riding a tricycle by him, so he offers him $20 saying "Could you run over to the candy store and get some candy for me?" The boy refuses, so he ran over himself.
A little joke my 9 year old brother told me
Timmy(brother): Hey Shane, how do you sell a chicken to a deaf person?
Me(Shane): How timmy?
He then proceeds to shout in my face, taking me off-guard
Timmy: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to the physchiatric hotline
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are maniac depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
If you are a depressive, don't press anything. Just sit there and cry.
I was driving one day and I rear ended a car.
We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"
So, a little person wanted some alcohol from me...
but booze was in short supple
My Personal Favorite Little Johnny Joke
One day in class the teacher brought a bag. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe something, and you tell what I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy."Is it a peach?"Billy asks."No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking,"the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
A gay man goes to church.
So a wealthy gay man living up life in the big city decides it's time for some quiet living. He moves to a small rural community where he hopes to make some friends and enjoy the clean country air. Figuring the best way to meet the neighbors was at the local church, he decides to attend services and get to know his neighbors. The church was a quaint little white building made entirely of wood. He felt out of place in a brand new Armani suit while everyone else was wearing suits that were at least a decade old from the look of them, and most likely handed down. During the service, he was moved by the preachers retelling of the prodigal son returned, and realized that the community he was now living in was more than just rural but poor as well. When the collection plate started to come around, he was amazed that only a few bills and some change were in it by the time it got to him. He silently took out his bill fold which had over a thousand dollars and put it all in the basket. When the basket was returned, up front, the pastor saw the huge bill fold and then cried out, "Will the person who made such a great donation please rise and select three hymns?" The gay man jumped up, pointed at three strapping young men and said, "I'll take him, him, and him."
2 Poles are watching a Football game...
There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.
What "being a man" is about
A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".
"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".
So a kid has an atheist mother and a Christian father...
One day he decides to ask his father where people came from and his father says..
" God created Adam and Eve and from them every person was born."
The kid was still a little confused so he asked his mother the same question and she answers...
" Well basically honey we evolved from apes."
The kid is even more confused now and goes back to his father and says," Mom says we evolved from monkeys!!".
The father replies," Son, I was telling you about my family... Your mother's family is none of my concern."
My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets.
"No bet," he said. "The steaks are too high."
Have you heard about the gay little person?
He came out of the cupboard
I started dating a little person.
I'm nuts over her.
A guy was barely sitting down in the toilet when
he heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you? '
Not being the type to start a conversation in the restroom, he answered, somewhat embarrassed, ' Doin ' just fine! '
And the other person says:
' So what are you up to? '
What kind of question is that? At that point, he was thinking this is too bizarre so he said: ' Uhhh, I ' m like you, just sitting here. '
At this point he was just trying to get out as fast as he could when he heard another question: ' Can I come over? '
Ok, the question was just too weird and he figured he could politely end the conversation by saying: 'No........I ' m a little busy right now!!! '
Then the person said, nervously:
'Listen, I ' ll have to call you back. There ' s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!! '...
Daddy, what's it like being drunk?
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
What is the smallest part of a little person?
Their wee-knees!
What do you call a person who likes little kids on bikes?
A Pedalfile.
What word starts with F, ends with UCK, and people look for it when it gets a little too hot...
A firetruck...
.. You dirty person you... :-)
A boring midget asked for advice picking up the ladies
I said all you need to do is get a little personality
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
funny
A silly person went to a pharmacy to buy a milk for his little child,
the seller said :"what is the name"
the silly person reply him James
Who is the richest person in the Bible?
The Pharao's daughter.
She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.
"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."
"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"
What do you call a Mexican little person?
A paragraph because he isn't a full ese (essay)...
There once was a Little Girl named Sue...
She likes a lot of celebrities. But, every person she idolises commits s**.... Because they're Sue's idols! Hahaha?
I don't see the issue with microcephaly.
Personally, I love a little head.
Little Johnny is back
In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".
Little Johnny threw his bag outside.
Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"
Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"
Walrus l**... pepper.
(Just made this up a little inebriated so be kind.)
Person 1: Whoa! Is that a walrus l**... salt?
Person 2: Na,Cl
A Little Person came out as gay to his family
He said, "I'm coming out of the cabinet".
Little kid ask His dad: daddy what is MACHO?
Dad:
its a person who is in charge, makes desicions, gives orders and everyone around obeys those orders.
Kid:
When I grow up I want to be a real macho just like Mom.
I was walking in the garden today
When I came across a small plant with a face on it.
Personally, I wouldn't say it was weird, but it was a little Odd-ish.
What do you call a little person who talks to dead people and runs from the law?
A small medium at large
What do you call a little person with a PhD?
Doc.
I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person...
...and that person drinks a lot.
Little-known fact: a certain former president keeps a large store of personal firearms at a warehouse near Birmingham, AL
It's known as the Barracks o' Bama
What do you call a little person who just escaped prison, and is running down a flight of stairs?
It's a little con-decending..
I was walking down thenstreet and saw a homeless man
Being the generous person I am, I gave him a dollar
I walked a little further and found a homeless woman. Being the generous person I am, I gave her 76 cents.
How long does a weeks worth of food last a little person?
Depends on whether you put it in the top shelf, or bottom.
I really want my own reality show on TLC.
Did I mention that I am a morbidly obese little person with 18 children and I just escaped from Scientology!
So this new little person turned up at my company today with his medical form explaining his condition.
He'd joined with a short notice
I was telling my French friend about the massage I got from a little person last week...
She said, Ah, oui monsieur?
I said, Well, yes, I guess he was.
God's personal assistant asks him: I finished the animal you wanted me to do.
He replies: Great Work! Let's call it the human.
Oh, and one last thing. Add a little toe.
Why?
It's for the furniture.
For the what?
Trust me. This is going to be funny.
What do you call a little person with ADHD in a washing machine?
Midget fidget spinner
They fired my friend, doctor, for sleeping with his patient
After 7 years of studying, they fired my friend, doctor. He slept with his patient and can no longer carry out his profession for this. So much effort, time, money, and hop, it's just a one little mistake that makes you lose everything. Dave, I stand by you, you are still a wonderful person and an excellent veterinarian for me!
Of course.
Two blondes are walking along and they find a compact (for make-up) on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, opens it and looks in the little mirror.
Oh! , she says. This person looks very familiar!
The other blonde grabs the compact, looks in the mirror and says,
Well of course, you d**.... It's ME!
What is the difference between a vegan on a diet and a flower child?
One's a very thin person, and the other is a little hippy.
What do you call a little person who lets you walk all over them?
Bridget
What do you call a psychic that's running from the law and happens to be a little person?
A small medium at large.
A catholic man dies and goes to Heaven, there he learns that "lie clocks" exist for all humans...
A man is greeted by St. Peter, he quickly notices there are many objects that look like clocks attached to the walls.
St. Peter explains that every time a person tells a lie, the hand on their clocks spins just a little faster.
As he walks through the hallway, he sees mother Teresa's clock, which isn't spinning at all. He then sees Abraham Lincolns clock, and notices it is just slightly spinning. He asks, "just out of curiosity, where is Donald Trump's clock?"
St Peter replies "Oh its not here, Jesus uses it as a fan in his office."
I accidentally bumped into a little person yesterday.
I asked if he was OK and he said "I'm not happy". I said "well, which one are you then?" (Credit to Larry the Cable Guy)
Little Johnny goes up to Dad…
… and asks "Dad, what is a transsexuel person?" Dad starts grinning an says "Ask Mom, he'll explain."
This probably isn't the place to post this.
My heart breaks! VERY SAD DAY TODAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training, and money. Even worse, is the fact that he is still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show how one little mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great person, and a brilliant Veterinarian.
I wish I was living back when MG Midgets were being made. Car manufacturers just don't have that kind of freedom now...
It's really not the same riding in a MG Little Person.
What do you call a little person that sleeps with a lot of women?
An achondro-playa
Little known fact
But in martial arts the first person to raise referees hand is always declared a winner.
What do you call it when a person eats another person just a little bit?
Cannibbleism
Blind people earn more every week than a sighted person.
There's always little bumps in their salary.
So I live next to a prison...
One morning I awoke to the sight of a little person breaking out of said prison, hastily climbing down the fence to freedom.
Sipping my coffee I thought to myself "*Well that's a little condescending".*
