Little Kid Jokes
117 little kid jokes and hilarious little kid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little kid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Little Kid Short Jokes
Short little kid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The little kid humour may include short young kid jokes also.
- A house of cards is really fragile One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down
- When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market." meant it went shopping. It does not.
- Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr... - George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman. He even used the name when he had a little grill.
- When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark. But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light. - When I was a little kid, I had this friend that was always counting. I wonder what he's up to these days.
- I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
"But not while standing on the diving board!" - Did you hear about the kid born w/o an eyelid? When they circumcised him, they used the extra skin to fix his eyelid.
The procedure went fine, he's a little cockeyed now though... - Where did Napoleon keep his armies? IN HIS SLEEVIES!
Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter. - What's the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson? Harambe got punished for touching little kids.
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Little Kid One Liners
Which little kid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with little kid? I can suggest the ones about little person and little guy.
- I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
- Three things that never lie..... Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants
- Whats common between dark jokes and little kids with cancer... They never get old.
- How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut? With little Caesar's.
- Harambe Memes died just like Harambe himself... When the little kids jumped in.
- What do you call little kids in belgium? Brusselsprouts
- What's everyone's problem with euthanasia? I like little asian kids
- Little kids will do anything for five bucks. Just ask a Chinese factory
- What do you call a little kid with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.
- Why can the Devil never go back to Georgia? He fiddled up a little kid.
- Little Jimmy had a nice day. That's it.
Give the kid a break. - All the kids are bullying little Johnny. Poor little Johnny (some water over his head)!
- What did the little nerdy kid get for his birthday? Bullied
- Going to teach my kids fire breathing Can't wait to see their little faces light up!
- As a kid, I once ate a Star Wars eraser... It was a little Chewie.
Ridiculous Little Kid Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about little kid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean little boy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make little kid pranks.
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little kid walks into his parents' bedroom while they're having s**...
The little boy asked, "What are you doing?"
His mother explains, "Your dad was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out."
The boy says, "That's really funny. Whenever you go out for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."
Soviet Joke
Moscow, 1985, 3rd grade class
Teacher: Life in Soviet Union is great, all families have a nice apartment, a car, all children have nice toys!
Little Kid starts crying
Teacher: Vladimir, why are you crying??
Little Kid: I wanna go to Soviet Union!!
A plane just landed...
Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.
I was bullied...
When I was a little kid this other kid in a wheelchair used to bully me but I couldn't do anything about it because I felt bad making fun of him. So for the rest of my life people knew me as the guy who "couldn't stand up for himself" and I think that's ironic considering it all.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two little kids.....
aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, Okay, you say a**...' and I'll say h**....'
All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast. Aw, h**..., says the eight-year-old, gimme some Cheerios. His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. What'll you have?
I dunno, quavers the six-year-old, but you can bet your a**... it ain't gonna be Cheerios.
At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics.
At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"
"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."
"Please show me."
"Four, five, six, one two, three."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A FedEx guy knocks on the door....
A FedEx guy knocks on the door. A little kid answers, n**... except underpants, smoking a joint & holding half a bottle of Scotch.
FedEx guy says "Kid, is your mother home?"
The kid says "What do *you* think?"
I bought a CD of ice cream van music.
Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a man beating the s**... out of a little kid, so I stopped to help
The kid didn't stand a chance
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This morning my daughter asked if she could watch t**... videos.
Did you know that sometimes little kids make a t sound when they mean to make a k sound?
Anyway I gotta go I'm in a bunch of trouble.
A man was walking down the street...
...when suddenly he stopped and looked up at the sky. Curious, another man stopped next to him and also looked up at the sky. Soon more people came along and all of them looked up at the sky. Finally, a little kid approached and said, What are you all looking at?
The first man replied, I don't know about all of them. I just have a nosebleed.
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap.
He was resisting a rest.
Old joke (1930s) - Little kid comes in late to school. Teacher says, "Why ya late?"...
Kid says, "Had a take a heifer down—get 'er bred."
Teacher says, "Couldn't your father do it?"
Kid says, "Sure he could, but not as good as the bull."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Xbox?
They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.
When I was a little kid, I would wait up all night waiting for santa to come.
Then there was an awkward silence when he got up, put his pants on, and left.
Little kid ask His dad: daddy what is MACHO?
Dad:
its a person who is in charge, makes desicions, gives orders and everyone around obeys those orders.
Kid:
When I grow up I want to be a real macho just like Mom.
I saw a little kid crying. He told me he lost the $200 he had saved for his mom's birthday gift. So I opened my wallet and gave him $40
Why not? Just five minutes earlier, I found ten $20 bills!
Heard this joke from a little kid. Why was the broken phonograph in the Hall of Fame?
Because it broke all the records.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pregnant Woman
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of s**... his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop s**... his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
3 little kids, Leafy, Rainy and Bricky.
They were asking their mother about their names.
Leafy asked:
— Mama, why is my name Leafy?
The Mother answered:
— Cause when you were born a Leaf fell on your head
Then Rainy asked:
— Mama, why is my name Rainy?
— Because when your were born, the water from the rain fell on your head
Then Bricky Asked:
SANMAM,,, EHYWY DISIIS HJHHTMHMGM AMENMA BFIJCKCY¿
I been going to the same office since a little kid, so I feel obligated to keep goin, but lately the prostate exams are getting longer and more painful. Last time he even rubbed my shoulders during the exam...
I think I should look for a new dentist....
I was walking down the street the other day and I saw 4 guys ganging up on a little kid
I walked right on past because I figured reposting would be a bigger crime than helping beat the kid up.
Little kids are like fidget spinners
They're overhyped.
Oh yeah and they spin easier when you stick something metal through them.
All of us had a good time with those Harambe memes
Now the joke is dead because all of you little kids jumped into it.
So little jimmy was peeing in the pool.
And the lifeguard yells at him, hey little jimmy, your not allowed to pee in the pool.
And little jimmy says to the lifeguard, but, but all the little kids pee in the pool.
And the lifeguard replies, Yeah, but not from the diving board...
When I grow up!
One day a child and his mother were walking down the sidewalk when they came upon a burning building. The fire department had just showed up and all the people inside were saved by the strong firemen. The little kid looks to his mother and says "mom, when I grow up I'm gonna be a fireman!". The mother replies "you're not going to grow up!, you've got luekimia!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 little kids, Billy and Tom, are goofing around in a cannibal village. Billys mum sticks her head out and yells...
"Billy, stop playing with your food!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a s**... joke go to the top of the front page?
Just say you heard the joke from a little kid first.
As a little kid, I was unusually confident. I even used to call my first grade teacher "Sweetheart!"
He hated it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It is an unspoken rule that if a little kid is hiding under a blanket or couch cushions, you are required to comment on how lumpy the blanket is and pretend to sit on it to try and "smooth it out.".....
Screw that, enjoy the peace, leave them there as long as possible. Just get a staple gun and staple the blanket down.
I could win an Olympic gold medal
If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jared Fogel?
One like little kids on his ranch,
The other likes ranch on his little kids! 🙃
The first day of school...
The first day of school was always great. I remember mucking around in the classroom and wreaking havoc. Picking on the little kids and taking their lunch money. Asserting myself on the playground by tripping and pushing everyone.
I just hope the students were having fun.
What did the joints say to the arthritis pain?
Uh-Leave!
I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come.
I'm free! I'm free!
A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!" - A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, I'm four! I'm four!"
A Girl Named Texas
A girl named Texas lived with her brother Austin. The two had a father whose favorite knife of his was always left on the counter of his room. One day, Austin, being the little kid he is, grabs the knife and accidentally stabs Texas. The dad comes home from work a few hours later and sees his favorite knife missing. He then asks Austin who was alone with Texas,
"Austin, have you seen my knife"
Austin Replies
"It's Deep In The Heart of Texas"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference difference between h**... and a little kid?
h**... didn't get a medal for trying to finish a race.
A little kid on a plane asks a flight attendant, "How come people can have babies, but planes can't have baby planes?"
The flight attendant tells the kid that is a question for the pilot.
She takes the kid to the cockpit and introduces the child to pilot and tells him to ask his question.
The kid asks the pilot "Why do people have babies but planes don't have baby planes?"
The pilot responds, "I can't speak for the other airlines, but this one always pulls out on time."
Heard a little kid telling this joke to his friend but failed to catch the punch line.
What do you call a stripper that lives under water?
Nobody believes me when I tell them I had a splinter when touring Spain and a playful little kid helped get rid of it.
Nobody expects the Spanish imp incision.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little kid came up to me and said...
"I have two mommies."
"Really?", I said. "Your parents are l**...?"
"No, my mom's just a schizophrenic."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where all the little kids go during the b**...?
Everywhere.
Little kids at the airport act like they're going to the dentist
I don't get what they're so afraid of. No ones going to dig at your cavities at the airport, unless you look like a threat.
Male employee at a kindergarten gets yelled at by little kids
"You're not my father!" Says a little boy.
"And that I'm thankful for..." Anwsers the employee
"...Especially after I saw your mother."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard there was a p**... roaming my neighbourhood.
I don't know who it could be, nearly all of my neighbours are s**... little kids...
I miss being a little kid on Halloween
Unfortunately I got in a little trouble for that last year
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a little kid, my teacher once said "If you can't say something nice, then say nothing at all."
So I said, "Okay. Your voice sounds really pretty when you say that steaming b**...."
What's the gateway drug to propofol?
Little kids.
This came up in a work conversation, I didn't know if it was already a joke...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't understand why little kids like playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Why would anyone want a complete j**... showing up at a party?
How does Santa have enough in his sack to come for millions of little kids, but more astonishingly....
how does he not get arrested?
Little kids are always trying to get free Robux.
But they aren't true gamers.
True gamers know about the Inspect Element hack that gets you 99999999 Robux.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sometimes I bully little kids
I give them wet w**...'s occasionally.
The prank, not the felony
What do Seattleites call a group of little kids dressed up as ghosts?
A micro-boo-ery!
My roommate just told me this joke that he thought up at 2 am: "What's the difference between a little kid and a religious man?"
The little kid eventually outgrows his imaginary friend.
I was watching this little kid play fortnite.
He raged and threw the controller out the window.
When I was a little kid, my grandfather used to tell me:
– I'm your grandfather.
What do little kid sing when they get mad?
Row row row your boat...
What do you call a person who likes little kids on bikes?
A Pedalfile.
A man saw a little kid struggling to ring a doorbell.
A man was walking down a street when he saw a little kid struggling to reach and ring a doorbell. The man decided to help the boy and rang the bell. After doing this, he smiled and asked the boy:
"what now?"
The boy said:
"now, we run".
What keeps the planet spinning?
Little kids doing 360-noscopes
Q: How big are the pastro's beds?
A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin.
At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.
The teacher says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "Checking my answers."
Have you heard? Michael Jackson’s last wish was that his body be turned into Legos. So little kids can play with him. It turns out this wish hasn’t been difficult to implement, as his body was already 99% plastic.
Little kid walks into a bar and the bartender says to a patron
Watch this you'll love it .
He then calls the kid over and holds out both his hands. One hand has two quarters and the other hand has a one dollar bill. He says to the kid
Go ahead but take the bigger one
The kids grabs the two quarters and leaves the bar.
Every time, kid falls for it every single time, no matter how many times I do this
The patron finishes his beer, goes outside and sees the kid. He calls him over to him and says
Just so you know kid the dollar bill is worth more even though it's just one
The kid calmly says:
Yeah but the day I take the dollar is the day the free money stops
Kids in a hospital
Two little kids are in the hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you in for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!"
A man goes to a psychic to ask about his future.
The psychic looks at him for a while and tells him:
"I'm sorry about this but i looked into your future and because of you millions of people will die."
The man visibly shaken storms out and tries to reassure himself that the psychic must've got it wrong.
On his way home still thinking about what happened he suddently notices that a little kid has fallen into the river and was starting to drown. Without thinking he goes into the river and saves the kid just in time.The mother runs to him crying and hugging him and then she turns to her kid:
"Adolf, say thanks to this kind man.He just saved your life."
