Little Jokes
81 little jokes and hilarious little puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
- Short Little Jokes
- Little One Liners
- Little Man Jokes
- Little Boy Jokes
- Little Girl Jokes
- Little Johnny Jokes
- More Little Jokes
Funniest Little Short Jokes
Short little jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The little humour may include short jokes also.
- Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
- As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
- Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races? Because he likes to come in a little behind.
- My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?" I said "Yes, I'm ready."
He said "I'm sleeping with your wife." - What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him. - A house of cards is really fragile One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down
- Mr. Bigger and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who's the biggest in the family? The baby of course - because he's a little Bigger.
- Why was the little ink drop crying? His mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.
- When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market." meant it went shopping. It does not.
- What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
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Little One Liners
Which little one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with little? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
- What's E.T. short for? Cus he's got little legs
- The Bible tells us to love each other. The Kama Sutra is a little more specific.
- If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Did Mary have a little lamb?
- How does a mexican cut a pizza? With *little* *caesars*
- 1990 Grandpa: "Get off my lawn, you little brats!" 2048 Grandpa: "Get off my LAN faggots"
- What is the preferred pizza for epileptic midgets? Little Seizures.
(I am so sorry) - Ladies...No guy has ever said... I'd screw her, if her eyelashes were a little longer.
- What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
- How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass? Satisfying.
- What do you call a pizza joint run by epileptic midgets? Little Seizure's
- Make the little things count... teach midgets arithmetic.
- What do you call 100 little sheep rolling down a hill? A lambslide
- Why do Paedophiles never win races? They like to come in a little behind...
- Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies
Little Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny little man jokes and even better little man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"... A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"
- When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny - Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate? They don't like Fat Man and Little Boy
- A man runs into a doctors office screaming: "You've gotta help me doc! I'm shrinking!" The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll have to be a little patient."
- A man walks into a library... And he asks "Excuse me, is The Big Book of Turtles in?"
"Hard back?"
"Yeah, with little heads" - My roommate just called my clothes gay.. Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet
- I think I'm shrinking! A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient." - What do Iron man and Sarah Palin have in common? They both had a little Downey inside of them.
- A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, You have to help me; I think I'm shrinking. Now settle down, the doctor calmly told him. You're just going to have to be a little patient.
- What's the worst three little words a man can hear from a woman? Is it in ?
Little Boy Jokes
Here is a list of funny little boy jokes and even better little boy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents." - When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him.
- What do you call a little boy made of pasta who comes to life? Pi-gnocchi-o
(I really wish you could hear how hard I'm laughing to myself) - Why is the birthrate in Japan so low? Last time they had a little boy, 66,000 people died.
- When Mary had a baby boy, the wise men weren't surprised... ...but you should have seen their eyes when she had the little lamb.
- Little Boy: Daddy I want to be like president Trump when i grow up! Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"
- A little boy asks grandpa to make a noise like a frog. Grandpa asks why? Because mummy said the moment you croak is when we're all going to Disneyland!
- I saw a lonely little boy sitting all by himself on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push… He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.
- I saw a raggedy little boy on the street and asked him if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
- A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water. Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...
Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire
Little Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny little girl jokes and even better little girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A little girl asks her grandad... "Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland". - A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
- A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones. The ones on daddy's computer.
- Little girl: "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
- Why girls don't have willys Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
- I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand They wanted to know where the rest of her body was
- What would a Skyrim guard say if he saw you choking a little girl? No loli gaggin'
- My girlfriend said I treat her like a little girl. So, I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
Little Johnny Jokes
Here is a list of funny little johnny jokes and even better little johnny puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity? She grounded him.
- Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
Johnny said with confidence "the desk". - Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home.
Little Johnny throws his bag out of the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Little Johnny: Me, and I'm going home now! - Little Johnny When I was a boy, I prayed, and prayed, for a bike but never got one. Then I realized that God don't work that way. So I stole a bike, then asked for forgiveness.
- Little Johnny asked one day, "Mommy can little girls give birth?" "No son. Of course not"
"Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!" - Little Johnny and the waitress Little Johnny: I'm not very hungry, any simple dish?
Waitress: Maybe the chicken strips for $6.99?
Little Johnny: Maybe it does but that won't help with my hunger. - Little Johnny's trip to the zoo left him breathless and the boa constrictor euthanized.
- Classic. I'd be surprised if this was not posted already. One afternoon the teacher asked the Johnny Can you explain what oxidation is? He replied No my science is a little rusty.
- Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV? His parents weren't 18 or older.
- Little Johnny yells upstairs: "Dad, there's a salesman here with a moustache." "Tell him I've got one."
Little Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about little you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make little pranks.
"Mommy," Little Johnny asked, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
"No, dear," she replied. "Sometimes they start with 'Darling, I'll be working late at the office tonight...'"
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?
I would have five dollars...
You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny...
You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks:
How did you get tickets?
From my brother - respond Petya.
And where is your brother?
At home.
Looking for his ticket.
Early one morning a mother went to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son.
It's time to go to school!"
"Buy why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
“No sir,” Little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
Boss: *Shouting* "Little Johnny come to my office right now..."
Little Johnny: "Yes sir"!
Boss : "Little Johnny, I saw you arguing with the customer that just left. I have told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?"
Little Johnny: "Yes sir!, the customer is always right".
Boss : "So what were you arguing about with that customer?"
Little Johnny: "He said my boss is s**... and an idiot sir"!
Boss: "That bustard. What did u say to him?"
Little Johnny: "I told him he's right
In the s**... Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making s**...."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"
Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.
When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher.
Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter.” Johnny started laughing.
An hour later he forgot her name and said, “Your name has an r after the first letter is it Ms. Crunt?”
Passing an office building late one night, a little Johnny saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.”
He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The old, uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
“Well,” he snarled at the kid, “what do you want?”
“I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself…?”
The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”.
He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”.
She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”.
He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”.
She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers.
Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”.
He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.
Little Mary came back home after school and said,
"Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!"
The mother asked indignantly but in surprise,
"And how did this happen?"
"It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."
Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for the next 1 week. Another boy laughs..."
Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw both straps of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for next 1 month."
The teacher bends to pick a chalk and little Johnny starts walking out of the class.
Teacher: "Why are you going out?"
Johnny: "With what I saw I think my school days are over."
Little Johnny asks his mum, "Mum, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time in a faraway land'?"
"No darling," says his mother, somewhat distressed, "Sometimes, they can begin with 'I've got too much work in the office tonight, I'll come home later'."
After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, "You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?"
Little Johnny offers, "Miss, it's so we wouldn't wake all those people sleeping."
Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: "I didn't had no fun for months."
Then she faces the class and says, "OK class, how should this be corrected?"
Little Johnny says, "I think you should get yourself a better man!"
Mother, "Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you'll get kids who will be very naughty to you!"
Johnny, "Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, haven't you?"
Littlefoot walks into a petting zoo..
He's trying to find Ducky.
What's little,metal, and will ruin dinner
A bullet in your face
Little-known fact: a certain former president keeps a large store of personal firearms at a warehouse near Birmingham, AL
It's known as the Barracks o' Bama
Littlefinger is like a German...
..he always likes to think of the Wurst
There's a little-known, but foolproof defense against sharks.
Sharks will only attack you if you're wet.
A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.
They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.