little johnny teacher Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious little johnny teacher puns

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.

"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...

Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

[NSFW] Johnny is in sex-ed class...

...and the teacher draws a diagram of a penis on the board. She turns and asks the class,
"Does anyone know what this is?"
Johnny's hand shoots up and he says, "Yeah, I know! My dad has two of them!"
The teacher gives Johnny a quizzical look and asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yep," Johnny says with confidence. "He uses the little one to pee, and he uses the big one to brush the babysitter's teeth!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny

The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.

Johnny said with confidence "the desk".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.

She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma'am, it's just painful to see you standing all alone.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...

She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".

Joke provided by my ten year old son.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johny

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny says " Mas-ter-bate."

Ms Hall smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Billy says, "No, Miss Hall, you're thinking of a blowjob."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny is back

In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".

Little Johnny threw his bag outside.

Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"

Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Teacher:"Anyone who thinks they're stupid stand up!"

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Johnny, give me a sentence with the word 'urinate'

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with the word 'urinate'.

-Little Johnny thinks for a minute-

Johnny: urinate, but if your tits were bigger, you're a 10.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny was in class one afternoon

And the teacher asked him to come to the front and tell the class what he had done that weekend, hoping that it would be a nice clean story (ok...)

"Well miss, me and my mate grabbed a frog from the stream and shoved a firecracker up his arse th-"

Feeling a bit flustered and trying to inject bit of proffesionalism into the situation she inturupts him and stammers "R-rectum Johnny!"

"Wrecked 'im miss? We blew his fucking balls off!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny skipped school one day...

and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny's parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home. When he saw the teacher coming he said "Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren't here. "No," Little Johnny replied "you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your funeral."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.

"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My dad has 2 dicks

Little Johnny is sitting in Sex Ed class. The teacher draws a penis on the chalkboard. She turns around and asks the children what this is. Little Johnny stands right up and says "That's a dick! And I know cuz my dad has Two of them!"
"Two of them?!" The teacher exclaimed.
"Yeah, he uses the little one to pee and the big one to brush the babysitter's teeth."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says...

"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."

Ms Hall smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's quite a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Hall, you're thinking of a blowjob."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.

"I want to be a detective and follow in my father's footsteps," says Johnny.

"That's very admirable of you," says the teacher. "I didn't even know your father was a detective."

"He's not," says Johnny. "He's a jewel thief."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny says "I'm sorry I'm late, teacher, my dad got burned this morning."

The teacher says, "Very badly?" and Little Johnny says "Well, they don't fuck about at the crematorium!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A teacher walks into the class, and says...

"Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

*Nobody stands up*

Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"

*Little Johnny stands up*

Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny was learning about punctuation

The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.

She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.

He asked: Why are periods so important?

The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?

Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss." After nearly falling off her chair, she says,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my Mum has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Teacher asks her class if anyone can tell her a three syllable word.

After several guesses from other classmates, little Johnny raises his hand.
The teacher reluctantly calls upon Johnny.
"Urinate" says Johnny.

"Correct" the teacher replies. "Can you now use it in a sentence?"

Johnny replies with, "Urinate, but if your tits were bigger you'd be a ten".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny...

Little Johnny says to the teacher..

Miss, Miss I need to do a piss! The teacher says ' Johnny, the proper term is urinate. I want you to go to the toilet and when you come back i want you to use urinate in a sentence.'

Little Johnny goes to the toilet and rushes back. Teacher: ok Johnny, use urinate in a sentence. Johnny flashes back, "ok miss, urinate, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a 10!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny is in English class...

...and the teacher says "Okay class! Today we're going to learn about multisyllabic words! Now does anybody have an example?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says "Ooh ooh ooh! I have one! Mast-ur-bate." he says.

The teacher, flabbergasted at Johnny's example, said "Well. That's a mouthful."

"No, miss, what you're thinking of is a blowjob," Johnny retorted, "I'm talking about jacking off."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Swearing Little Johnny

During class little Johnny kept swearing, everything was fuck this and fuck that.

Teacher, "Johnny, that is not a word a ten year old should be using."

Little Johnny, "There are worse words than that miss, like murder and death."

Teacher, "No Johnny, the word you keep saying is much, much worse than murder and death."

Little Johnny, "I disagree miss, I bet you would rather be fucked than killed."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A new teacher started her psychology class by saying,.......

A new teacher started her psychology class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says "why does it cause excitement and commotion?" Little Johnny says "it doesn't, but my sister said she missed one this morning and my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the guy next door shot himself"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)

Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?

None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.

Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.

Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is sucking her cone. Which one of these women is married?

Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one sucking the cone.

No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny... Finding Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny at it again...

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.

"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"

Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny at school

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely shit my pants."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny is in class...

The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"

Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.

Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly licking the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Word of the day. Urinate.

A teacher announces to the class at the start of a lesson, "The word of the day is urinate. Can anybody use it in a sentence?"

After none of the students in class attempts an answer, eager Little Johnny with his hand raised and waving, is reluctantly called on by the teacher for an answer.

As she sighs upon picking the only student willing to answer, Little Johnny announces to the class, "You're an eight, ma'am, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Little Johnny Teacher jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Little Johnny Teacher? Well, here are the best Little Johnny Teacher dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Little Johnny Teacher pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes