Little Jimmy Jokes
53 little jimmy jokes and hilarious little jimmy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little jimmy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Little Jimmy Short Jokes
Short little jimmy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The little jimmy humour may include short jimmy jokes also.
- Why did little Jimmy drop his ice cream? He forgot to look both ways before crossing the street
- The teacher asks little Jimmy... Teacher:- "Jimmy, if you had five sweeties and little Mohammad asked you for one, how many sweeties would you have?"
Jimmy:- "Five" - I've had Jimmy Eat World stck in my head the past couple days... It'll leave on it's own. It just takes a little time sometimes.
- What does little Jimmy and the oak tree in the backyard have in common? They were both a nut once
- The little Jack to his mom : Mommy, I'm fed up with sleeping with Jimmy !
Don't tell that again, you know we can afford funerals for him ! - Little Jimmy was quite thirsty but now he is no more. Cause little jimmy mixed up H2O with H2SO4
- Why did little Jimmy try to eat his calculator? His math teacher told him to crunch the numbers.
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Little Jimmy One Liners
Which little jimmy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with little jimmy? I can suggest the ones about little tommy and little timmy.
- Little Jimmy had a nice day. That's it.
Give the kid a break. - Why did little Jimmy break open his computer? It said that it had 20 cookies in it.
- Where was little Jimmy when the bomb blew up? Everywhere.
- Little Jimmy was eating ketchup I caught him red handed
- Little Jimmy is first in class because the rest of the class is dead.
The Funniest Little Jimmy Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about little jimmy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean little billy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make little jimmy pranks.
A blonde woman is driving down the road.
She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car.
So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.
Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside.
It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet.
Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you."
Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!"
Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"
Contagious
Little Jimmy was in school the next day and his teacher told the class they were going to focus on a new word for the day: "Contagious".
The teacher gave the class ten minutes to come up with a sentence containing the word of the day. When time was up, she asked them each to come up and read out their sentence.
Little Jenny said: "Last year I had the chicken pox, I couldn't play with my friends because it was very contagious".
Well done Jenny" said the teacher, "Very good".
Little Brian got up and said: "My brother Liam had nits in his hair, he couldn't go to school as it was so contagious!"
"That's perfect Brian" says the teacher.
Up steps Little Jimmy and says "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush. My dad says its gonna take the contagious
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jimmy and Suzy are in class when their teacher begins to go over grammar and sentences.
The teacher looks at Suzy first and says
"Suzy can you use the word s**... in a sentence?
"Yes I can. Jimmy is very s**...."
"Great!" said the teacher. "Now can you use ugly in a sentence?"
"Jimmy is very ugly."
The teacher turns to Jimmy and says "Can you upstage her, Jimmy? Try using the word dictate in a sentence."
Jimmy looks at the teacher and without missing a beat says "I may be ugly and I may be s**..., but Suzy says my dictate good."
The duck hunter
Grandpa was a keen country sportsman and one day he decided to take his grandson shooting with him. Togged up in all his hunting gear, shotgun broken across his forearm, he proudly led little Jimmy down to the lake side. After waiting patiently for a while a lone duck came into view flying over the lake. "Now watch this Jimmy," says Grandpa. He takes careful aim and fires. The duck flies serenely on. "My boy," exclaims Grandpa, "you are witnessing a miracle. There flies a dead duck."
Once upon a time, there was a baby turtle...
...and this turtle was trying to climb one of the highest trees in the forest. It was an arduous and time consuming job, but the little turtle kept going for hours and hours, until he finally reached the top of the tree. Once there, he looks down, counts to three, and jumps off. The little turtle, bounces off a couple of branches and lands on the ground upside down. He fought and fought, and finally, got on his feet and was determined to climb that tree again. After a couple more hours, he finally reached the top, counted to three, and jumped again. He bounced off the branches and once again landed on his shell. Even more determined than before the turtle gets on his feet, climbs the tree and jumps once more.
A couple of feet away there were two pigeons who were watching the events unfold, when one of them says to the other "Honey, I think it's time to tell little Jimmy that he's adopted."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You want what?
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.
"Nope." replied Jimmy.
"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".
Again Jimmy says "Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**.... Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."
The elementary class was learning about addition...
The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."
Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny again says, "Seven."
The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"
Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"
Little Jimmy goes to school
His teacher asks him "Why weren't you in school yesterday Jimmy?"
He says "Sorry, my Granddad got burnt."
"Oh" she says "Was he badly burnt?"
Jimmy replied "Well they normally do a good job at the crematorium"
Jobs of our fathers
The principal of a school was to inspect one of the classes in her school. Before the inspection the head teacher goes to the class and tells the students that to every question from the principal, they need to give an illustrious answer even if it's not true.
The principal arrives. She goes over to little Jimmy and asks him:
"What does your dad do little boy?"
Now Jimmy's father was a poor shoemaker but Jimmy said:
"Oh, he's the owner of this large shoe factory."
She then goes to Timmy and asks him about his father's occupation.
Timmy was also relatively poor, his dad worked as a bricklayer.
"My pops owns a large construction company!" Timmy says smiling.
Finally she asks Ben. Now Ben was so poor, his father didn't have a job, but the local church out of charity let him ring the church's bells.
"Well my dad works as a DJ in the church."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jimmy don't j**..., you'll go blind.
Little Jimmy's dad walks into his son's room and says, "Jimmy don't j**..., you'll go blind."
Little Jimmy: "Dad I'm over here, in the living room..."
Little Jimmy at the Pool
Jennifer the lifeguard tells Jimmy to stop peeing in the pool. Little 6 year old Jimmy replies that everbody pees in the pool. Jennifer says that yes people do, but not from the diving board...
Little Johnny
It's spelling bee day and Teacher has it down to three students remaining, Chloe, Jimmy and Little Johnny.
"Chloe, could you spell solidify?"
"Solidify, S...O...L...I...D...I...F...Y, solidify."
"Correct, Chloe. Could you use it in a sentence?"
"OK. Um, in order to turn water into ice, you must solidify it by leaving it in the freezer."
"Very good Chloe. Now Jimmy, would you like to spell integrity for me?"
"Integrity. Let's see, I...N...T...E...G...R...I...T........E, integrity."
"I'm sorry Jimmy, that's incorrect, but good try."
"And now, Little Johnny, I'd like you to spell asinine."
"Uhhh, asinine, A...S...I...uh...N...I...N......E, asinine."
"Correct! Can you use it in a sentence?"
Little Johnny paused for a moment and replied, "You're a very pretty lady, miss. Your face is beautiful, your lips are red and inviting, your eyes could light up a thousand rooms, but I give that asinine!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wisdom of Granny
Little Johnny Was 9 Years Old And Was Staying With His Grandmother For A Few Days..
He'd Been Playing Outside With The Other Kids,
When He Came Into The House And Asked Her
Grandma, What's That Called When Two People Sleep In The Same Bedroom And One Is On Top Of The Other?
She Was A Little Taken Aback, But She Decided To Tell Him The Truth.
Well, Dear, It's Called s**... i**....
Oh Little John Said: Ok And Went Back Outside To Play With The Other Kids.
A Few Minutes Later He Came Back In And Said Angrily,
Grandma, It Isn't Called s**... i**.... It's Called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's Mom Wants To Talk To You
So little jimmy was peeing in the pool.
And the lifeguard yells at him, hey little jimmy, your not allowed to pee in the pool.
And little jimmy says to the lifeguard, but, but all the little kids pee in the pool.
And the lifeguard replies, Yeah, but not from the diving board...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jimmy parents want to have some s**... times...
But their house are just a one room apartment, so they tell Jimmy to go out to the balcony, look at the street and tell them what he sees.
I see people are in a hurry, it must because a rain is coming up - says Jimmy.
Uh, yeah, what else do you see ? - asks the father
Well, I see the polices are chasing a thieft, he runs into the far alley and gets caught there. - Jimmy continues his observation.
Ahhh, yessss, Excellent Jimmy, do you see anything else ?
Well, Jane parents are having s**...
What, how do you know ? - the father asks.
I see Jane is standing at the balcony and watch the street too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandmas don't know everything.........
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called s**... i**... , darling.
Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called s**... i**... . It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little jimmys mom told him that if he ever did a bad thing as punishment he would turn to stone....
One day jimmy went down to the pond with him friend Billy to fish when they saw a beautiful woman n**... swimming in the pond the two kids watched in awe when suddenly jimmy ran away scarred
Jimmy ran home to his mom crying saying "sorry I did a bad thing!" "What did you do asked jimmy's mom?" Jimmy wiped away a tear and said "I saw a n**... lady in the pond and I got scarred because I started to feel like I was turning to stone so I ran."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jimmy is sitting on the floor playing with his toy trains
A man walks in and says to little Jimmy,
Jimmy! I am you from the future!
Awesome! Says little Jimmy. What do I become in the future ?
A p**...... he replied, locking the door.
Logic at the Community College
Looking for a little knowledge, Jimmy walks into his local community college and asks the admissions clerk on duty what classes are being offered. The clerk tells Jimmy there is a logic course starting up soon.
"Logic?" Asks Jimmy, "what's that?"
"Logic is real easy, let me explain it this way, Jimmy do you own a lawnmower?"
"Why yes I do"
"Ok, that must mean you've got a yard"
"Yup"
"If you've got a yard, then you must have a house"
"Sure do"
"And if you've got a house, you probably have kids"
"Three of them!"
"Wow, then you must be a heterosexual male with a beautiful wife at home"
"Yes, yes! This logic thing is pretty cool, sign me up!"
Later that day Jimmy goes home and sees his neighbor Gary and tells Gary about his new college course. Gary says "logic? What's that?"
"Well let me explain it like this", says Jimmy. "Do you own a lawnmower Gary?"
"No, I always borrow yours"
"Well then you must be a homosexual!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny, Billy and Jimmy are discussing girls at their high school.
Johnny said, Mindy Carlson let me kiss her in the playground after Math—she's one of the greats.
That's nothing, said Billy, Madison let me kiss her with tongues in the gym after Chemistry—she's a Hall-of-Fame-girl.
Little Jimmy just shook his head. You know Becca Sampson? She'll go down in history.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jimmy's father is mad at his son.
"Jimmy, you're a pig," he says. "Do you know what a pig is?"
"Yeah," Little Jimmy says. "A pig is a hog's little boy."
Little Jimmy was sleeping in class when...
The teacher saw him dozing off and interrupted his nap.
He said in a stern tone: "Jimmy, you know you can't sleep in class."
Jimmy retorted: "Yeah, but if you were a little quieter I could."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher calls up her first grade class from recess
She she says to little Sally
-"Sally, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sand box"
-"If you can spell the word "sand" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So she spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then comes in Jimmy so the teacher says
-"Jimmy, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sandbox with Sally"
-"If you can spell "box" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So he spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then Tyrone comes in
-"Tyrone, what did you do at recess"
-"Sally and Jimmy threw rocks at me!"
-"wow that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell "blatant racial discrimination" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
Another blonde joke
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!…"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know why dad left you!
Little Johnny goes to his mom and asks "how old are you mom?"
His mother says "a lady never reveals her age"
The next day at school, Little Johnny tells his friend Jimmy about this and he says "if you find your mom's drivers license, it will tell you everything about her." When he gets home, he sneaks into his mom's purse and finds her driver's license.
That evening, he goes to his mother and says "mom, I know that you're 33 years old, and that your height is 5'3""
"How do you know?" she replies
"Because I found your driver's license and it has all your information! It also know why dad left you. It's because you got an F in s**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mike and his Grandpa
Mike was 5 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked,"Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. "Well, Mike, it's called s**... i**...."
'Oh,' Little Mike said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandpa, it isn't called s**... i**.... It's called Bunk Beds....And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."
Little Jimmy has spent the last few days eating over his friends house...
The first night, he ate dinner over the McNally's house. The table was set and before everyone ate, they all said a prayer.
On the second night, he ate dinner at the Goldman's house. The table was set and before anyone ate, they all said a prayer.
On the third night, little Little Jimmy went over the Vitali's house. Mamma Vitali and her daughters set the table and immediately everyone started to eat.
Shocked, Jimmy asks his friend Anthony,
"Hey Anthony, how come you guys don't pray before you eat?
Anthony replies with a mouth full of pasta,
"We're Italian, my mom knows how to cook!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is only one mother
Kids in school were told to write a short essay with the phrase "There is only one mother". The next day in class the Timmy reads "There is only one mother and she takes care of me when I'm sick", next Sarah reads "There is only one mother and she prepares meals for the whole family, does the laundry and tucks me into bed at night." Finally little Jimmy reads "So my parents had a party last weekend, half of the guests are lying in their own p**... but the other half is still standing and we run out of booze so mother tells me to go fetch two bottle of v**... from the fridge. I open the fridge and yell <
A teacher asks her primary school students what their father do for a living
"So, Timothy, what does your father do ?"
"My dad is a firefighter !"
"Fantastic ! And you Samantha, what does your father do ?"
" He's an accountant !"
"Wonderful ! And yours, Jimmy ?"
Poor little Jimmy then breaks into tears and wails "my father is dead !"
"Oh, I'm so sorry Jimmy, I didn't know... But did he do before dying ?"
"Well, he was all like : ARGLALRGHALRLALGALHA !"
Little Jimmy comes home from school with a black eye
Mom says, Jimmy! What happened?!
Jimmy says, I was attacked in geometry class.
Bye whom? Asked mom, already calling the school.
It was a vicious circle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba died in a terrible accident...
Bubba died in a horrific accident and they were unable to reach his family to identify the body. So they brought in his two best friends, Leroy and Jimmy, as the three of them went everywhere together.
When they walked into the morgue they were unable to tell if the body was Bubba for certain, as his face had been badly mangled. Leroy asks the mortician to roll him over so he can check to be sure. As soon as he rolls him over both of the friends answer, "Nope, ain't him!" The mortician is a little confused so he asks how they knew.
Leroy says,"Everybody around town would always say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**...'. This guy's only got one."
Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."
So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"
The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"
Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."
The teacher asked Little jimmy, if I give you 4 cats today and 2 more tomorrow, how many cats will you have? Little Jimmy said, Seven The teacher said, no Jimmy, four plus two equals six. Why did you say seven?
Little Jimmy said, because I already have a cat!
The teacher asked little Jimmy who discovered America
He replied 'It wasn't me'.
The teacher asked him again. 'Who discovered America?'
He, once again replied 'It wasn't me'
One last time the teacher asked him.
And again he replied, now a little louder 'I swear to god, it wasn't me!'
The teacher had enough and called little Jimmys father.
'I asked him who discovered America' the teacher said, 'and his response was It wasn't me'
'Well...' his father said, 'maybe it really wasn't him'
